I’ve been accumulating a little file of the oddest and most disturbing spam subject lines from amongst the zillion porn spams a day that I get. It’s time to share:

Olga gets butt hole rammed and facial blasted

Ouch! Poor Olga! Is she a porn model or a very unfortunate quarry worker?

barely legal perverts gangbanged by wild bears

Zoophilia with bears? Gangbanging bears? Who’s the target demographic here?

watch hot chicks get smacked around

Uh, no thanks. Also, please die.

correct penis oil

Important to get this right, because incorrect penis oil makes your dick fall off.

lesbians piss and smoke

They do? Why yes, I suppose some of them do. Your point is?

Urgent Notification #34419569771119606167

Er, if you’ve already sent out 34 quintillion notifications, you’ve been at it quite awhile. How urgent can this one really be?

Do you want killing sweet viirgin girls ?

That would be a big negatory, Bob. Geez, what a waste of sweet virgin girls. A few other useful projects for them I can think of, if they’re of age and willing, but killing them? Piss off.

Wait, are you the same guy who wrote to me about smacking hot chicks around? You must not have got the memo about women and sex. You know, sex, the fun stuff? Where nobody gets hurt unless they asks very nicely?

Ultra Allure Pheromones will kill her

I guess they don’t work so good then. Have you considered toxic waste disposal rather than direct email sales? Wait, did you buy this stuff from the guy who claims his penis oil is correct?

Jasmine burn anal pumped and cum blasted

Does she work with Olga? Has anybody thought to call OSHA?

Young Bitches so refined and charming!

Which is it? Are they bitches? Or charming? I don’t think I’ve ever met a charming bitch. For that matter, I mostly try to avoid bitches. Don’t you think you’d get better response if you omitted the “bitch” descriptor from your advertising for these refined and charming young women?