So, it’s the time of year when the sex toy stores are having their annual Valentine’s Day sale, and I’m browsing for my own shopping as well as to see if there’s anything new and entertaining that needs to be mentioned here.

And then I see the pink speculum:

pink speculum

I feel like I almost don’t dare comment. On the one hand, we’ve all seen contexts in which manufacturers have laughably abused the color pink in an attempt to sell stuff to women. Was it a hammer manufacturer who so notoriously put a pink carpenter’s hammer on the market under the “Lady” rubrick?

On the other hand, most of us men have learned that when it comes to sex stuff, toys with stainless steel gleams and clanks are trickier to pull out of the toy bag than toys in more pleasing colors. And while I don’t think I’ve ever known a lady whose “eyes light up because she sees something pink” reaction was stronger than her “you just reminded her of her last gyno exam” reaction, she might be out there, and for the man whose fetish moves him to try for a real close inspection, this might just be the tool to reel her in with.

Meanwhile the people who sell these would prefer to distract potential customers with bad punnery:

Put your medical play back in the pink with our newest speculum. Daintily designed to explore and examine, this tantalizing tool adds a touch of whimsy and a splash of color to any scene or scenario. Don’t let the pretty color fool you — this is a fully-functional gynecological instrument perfect for exams, so hop up on the table, stick your feet in the stirrups, and get ready to shout “Giddyup!”

I think that effort deserves a heartfelt “Yeehaw!”, don’t you?

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