Thomas Roche likes to dive into those bullshit sex stories that always get the old media all moist in their collective sex-negative panties, just so he can mock them comprehensively from the perspective of an web citizen who understands about search engines and how you can, y’know, check that shit before you write about it. I admire this, because it takes work as well as wit, and as a lazy half-wit, usually I can’t be bothered; once my advanced spidey sense tells me “this is bullshit”, I typically want to forget I ever saw that stupid headline as rapidly as possible, and thus I get to spend the next three days cursing as people retweet it at me. But Roche makes sex-story-stupidity-debunking funny, and I suspect serves a salutatory educational function while he does it. What’s more, in the process he typically does a better job reporting the actual stories in question than anybody previously has done. This may indeed be what 21st-century journalism looks like, folks!

His latest takedown is of the “ZOMG, sex while skydiving!” story, the breathless headlines about which have been infesting my RSS and twitter feeds of late and causing, thereby, extreme weariness in the finger I’ve been using to click on something else, ANYTHING else, “NO PLEASE FEDERAL NETWORK, I would NOT like to know more!” I’m not even going to link that shit, because Roche did it already and to link it, I’d have to look at it, and that would make my brain hurt more than it already does.

I’m posting this for an entirely different reason, namely, that I just about lost my cookies laughing at this bit in Roche’s story, where he mocks people who write for the web but who don’t seem to possess even the most rudimentary web search skills:

Incidentally, before we get started: multiple news sources (and Gawker) have said that the “original video” of the flying fuck between porn stars Alex Torres (aka Voodoo) and Hope Howell (possibly aka Maryjanesexy and Paige Thomas) was quickly “taken down from YouTube,” and “only fakes” exist. I have to tell you, if I got my porn from YouTube, I would think babies were made by Florida blondes in bikinis telling me about the Transitive Verb of the Day. Yes, the forces of decency did conspire to keep that video out of Gawker’s hairy palms. But I am one l33t h4ck1ng muth4fukk4. I did have to pull out some serious Neuromancer-era cyberpunk mojo to find the video that the FAA doesn’t want you to see, but after changing into my black PVC catsuit and Converse Hi-Tops, putting on night-vision goggles, drinking a six-pack of Jolt and eating a box of Hot Pockets while listening to Skinny Puppy at top volume, I “hacked the mainframe” and scored that tasty morsel of thoughtcrime contraband! I liberated that dirty video even though it was kept in a secure location guarded by Pentagon infobots…on Alex Torres’ website. Information wants to be free!

Muah ha ha ha ha, I can’t stop laughing.