A Visceral “No” To Toe Sex
It’s extremely rare for me to showcase anything on this platform that smacks of kink shaming or yucking another person’s yum. But every now and then, it does seem of potential value to remind everyone in this curated sex positive bubble that people do often have startlingly negative reactions to even the most mundane little bits of fetish sexual behavior. Here’s a TikTok exchange where one woman confesses without elaboration that she got “toed” instead of the fingering she was expecting, only for an older and more-experienced-looking woman (with piercings and elaborate tattoos and the general demeanor of someone we might hope would be tolerant of some fairly transgressive sexual practices) to reply with a lengthy and viscerally-negative reaction to the idea of toe-fucking, culminating with a shuddery demand to “cut them off”:
We get it, she doesn’t want to get toe-fucked, but as Bambi’s rabbit friend Thumper was admonished by his parents, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
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What is wrong with people.
All sex is good sex. Fingers, toes, fruit, whatever takes your fancy.
Speaking as one of the (I suspect) relatively few people who has once “toed” someone, I can totally understand the visceral reaction. Feet and vaginas each have their own microbiome thing going on, and I have no idea how the two would interact, and plenty of sympathy for someone who feels protective about keeping their own intact (I stretched a latex glove over my foot when I did this for just that reason. And how recently had the guy trimmed, filed, and scrubbed under his toe nails? I’ve *never* scrubbed under my toenails!). Also, performing your niche and maybe kinda dangerous kink on someone who was expecting something else isn’t cool.
We don’t really have enough info from the first lady to indicate whether the change of plans from fingers to toes was so unexpected that she didn’t get a chance to consent to the switch-up; certainly she doesn’t say it was. It’s fine to be squicked by inadequate-consent scenarios, but less fine to dream them up to justify kink-shaming certainly?
As for the microbiome notion, two thoughts. First, pedicures are a thing, even if you or I might not be frequent visitors to the salon. (I’m not.) And second, nobody needs to justify being/feeling squicked. If a sexual practice isn’t for them, it’s not for them. The reaction I’m spotlighting with this video is a sort of celebratorily exuberant expression of that aversion.
Perhaps it’s worth revisiting why we avoid kink shaming. Kink-shaming is a tool of social control, deployed to enforce sexual conformity and reinforce conservative social patterns. I place myself in the sex positive community and therefore consider kink-shaming to be a tool that hurts “our people” and gives aid and comfort to our enemies.
Before TikTok you saw people policing each other’s sexuality in places like Cosmo. But most people’s sexuality is not that of a Generic Universal Man/Woman and exploring leads delightful places. The Internet and social media make it possible to see all the different ways of being sexual or romantic, and I hope that overcomes all the tribal nonsense like the American politician who thinks drinking from straws is effeminate, or all the women yelling at Generic Men and men yelling at Generic Women and the grifters telling you that nobody will love you unless you are taller or wear the right makeup.
Maybe I will ask for a foot and toe massage next time I am having private time with someone pretty.
If you identify as a “not getting toed” kind of girl or a submissive kind of girl, it can get in the way if you meet someone and feel different urges
After that pontificating I should go out into the world this week and see about meeting people I might be interested in like I used to before COVID.
Vagans. Go on. COVID was a while ago. Get back out there, mate. Dip a toe in the water…you might catch something you like.