Yup — it’s in the sex news! Violet Blue very kindly wrote about my new porn research and attribution service in yesterday’s Sex News post at Tiny Nibbles:

This is real, and he’s… amazing. OG sex blogger (and longtime friend, and longtime co-commiserator about unattributed porn) Bacchus is offering a new service for fun, saying “I Will Track Down The Source Of Your Favorite Adult Photo Or Art And Research It For $5.” People have already paid for his services and had good results. Who knew?

Thanks, Violet!

You want to hear one fun thing that I’ve already realized about my (so far as I know) unique service? Simply, this: From now on, whenever somebody is challenged about their poor porn attribution practices and they start in on the usualsong and dance about how hard it is and how they didn’t know where that picture came from, the entire internet will be able to see precisely how little they cared. We can now put an upper-bound dollar value on it. They cared less than five bucks worth, and now we can prove it!

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Here’s that rara avis, a Tumblr with what appears to be original content. And what’s more, it’s about Dudes In Distress. Damsels in distress on the internet, dime-a-dozen. Dudes? Not (quite) so much.

For the most part, the distress is pretty notional; does this man look distressed to you?

One commenter even suggested the tumblr should be called “Submissive Dudes in Fulfilling Sexual Relationships”. But it’s not all happy cocks tied up with pretty colored string. Nope, there was the time when

she waterboarded (one of) my boyfriend(s). She said, “I’m going to do this real nice.” Yeah, even the nice way sucks, though.

That, I can believe. I get panicky and short of breath just looking at this:

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I have watched with interest the reports of Violet Blue and many others from the SXSW cultural festival in Austin every year. I’ll never go, I don’t think, not when even the Super 8 charges $800 a night (which is the rumor I heard this year on Twitter); but there’s much that happens there that’s relevant to my interests, including this set of closing remarks by Bruce Sterling:

I won’t play Debbie Downer in this space by sharing his trenchant remarks on the state of blogging, but felt I had to transcribe his broad-strokes view of the effect digital disruption is having on our prosperity:

Now, most of you in here are not novelists. I’m not complaining that novelists are disrupted and are very badly off, although we are. What I’m telling you is that you’re more disrupted. You are worse off. Whatever happens to musicians happens to everybody, including you.

People like to say that musicians reacted badly to the digital revolution, that they put a foot wrong. What really happened is that the digital revolution reduces everybody to the state of musicians. Everybody! Not just us Bohomian creatives, but the military, political parties, the anchor stores and retail malls, academics subjected to massive open online courses. It’s the same thing over and over! Basically the only ones making money are the ones who have big legal stone castles surrounded with all kinds of regulatory thorns, meaning: the sickness industry, the bank gangsters, and the military contractors. Gothic high tech.

If more computation and more networking was going to make the world prosperous, we’d be living in a prosperous world. And we’re not! Obviously, we’re living in a depression.

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You know the old saw about how it’s impossible to tickle yourself? It’s true for me, but I’m not sure it’s true for this harem dancer:

Artist is Konstantin Razumov.

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We don’t see too much of our innocence-ravishing beast, here, but that’s a short furry tail he’s got there and the “hands” are all wrong, so he’s emphatically not (quite) human:

The artist is Jean Morisot, who published his art in portfolios under the name “Jean de Sauteval”. He’s good with sweetly-horrified damsels, isn’t he?

Found via Erectus.

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I Will Track Down The Source Of Your Favorite Adult Photo Or Art And Research It For $5

I’m going to try a little experiment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it.

The thing is, over more than a decade of sex blogging I’ve gotten really astonishingly good at tracking down obscure bits of porn and finding attributions for it. I’m not talking about just doing an image search and feeling smug when I find what I’m looking for, oh no. I’m talking about using Google Image Search and TinEye and the other image search engines to develop leads — a file name, an artist nickname, a cryptic caption on a Tumblr — that I can then plug back into Google to develop more detailed information. Often, this is an iterative process with many wrong turns and dead ends. In the extreme cases, it can require a complex research trail that involves Google Translate, wailing siren noises from my malware protection software, and the accidental seeing of images that no brain bleach can ever remove from my mind’s eye.

But, what is it good for?

It amuses me. But it’s time-consuming. And it’s not like “expert porn researcher and attributionist” is a marketable skill.

Or…is it?

Hence the experiment. I’ve got mad porn search skills. You’ve got porn images that you love, but you don’t know who made them or where to find more like them. (Don’t you? Doesn’t everybody?) And then there’s a nifty little web outfit called “Fiverr” that’s like eBay for small tasks. So, why not rent you my mad porn-search skills for five bucks PayPal?

Hey, it’s worth a shot.

2016 update: I have pretty much given up on the Fiverr gig, for two reasons. First, Fiverr rather annoyingly “suspends” your gigs if you don’t log in to Fiverr often enough, and they don’t reliably notify you when this happens. So I have been discovering that my Fiverr gig is often suspended when I don’t realize. Second, I’ve learned that $5.00 is really too cheap a price for the effort I put into these. It’s really more of a ten dollar job on average. (A true “all efforts, leave no stone unturned” job on a difficult image is more like $20, but porn images that hard to pin down are, thankfully, rare.) Please feel free to email me (bacchus@erosblog.com) if you want to arrange for some porn provenance research; I especially appreciate bulk jobs. I also offer Patreon rewards that include research of this kind.

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From Spanking Blog:

I had a tough day yesterday, and my husband spanked me into a better mood. Later he said, “I hit your bottom and the bad thoughts go flying out of your head.”

I suppose it’s cheaper than therapy…

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