April 30th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
A Little Milk For Your Cheerios
I found this uncredited on a tumblr site, but in a fitting irony, I’ve forgotten which one:
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April 28th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
“Read It In Context” — Always Good Advice
I saw a tweet link to (a Facebook post to a useless “don’t go onto the wild internetz!” warning page to) this blog post at Pharyngula regarding some marital sex advice from a Christian mega-church pastor who conducts marriage seminars with a “comedic approach”. And I’ll grant you that there’s some comedy gold in this paragraph quoted with disapproval by Pharyngula:
As I said, sometimes sex is just sex; it’s what you do when you are married. Just like cleaning the toilet is what you do to keep your house clean…and I bet you don’t have this great desire or huge emotional connection to scrubbing the porcelain! You do it because it needs to be done and that’s the way it is with married sex… it does need to be done! It’s the glue that God gave us to bond us to one another. The bible is very clear that it is your responsibility as a spouse.
What’s weird about this is the “worst analogy ever” aspect. The Christian reputation for being anti-sex is not going to be refuted by by an analogy that compares married sex to cleaning toilets. Married sex, after all, is the only kind Christians approve of; and if that’s supposed to be an unpleasant duty, what other conclusion are we to draw?
And if all you saw was the Pharyngula paragraph instead of reading the whole article, it would be understandable for you to walk away shaking your head and muttering “Wow, this bigwig pastor really does hate sex, he thinks it’s a filthy unpleasant marital obligation, his poor wife!”
I concede to you that my first thought — which I have not yet entirely discarded — is that this pastor must indeed have some deep ambivalence about sex in order to even conceive of such an unpleasant analogy.
And yet, and yet, I try to be fair. And it turns out, he was at pains to explain that his analogy was about the “necessary duty” part of the toilet cleaning task, not its inherent unpleasantness. From the next paragraph, which Pharyngula did not quote:
Don’t feel badly if you aren’t overwhelmed by all the over-the-moon feelings and passion ahead of time. There is nothing wrong with you. If you can enjoy sex once you start and have a good time, that’s all that matters. Just break the mindset that you won’t do it unless you feel like it. Let not your hearts be troubled. Just enjoy the deal without all the fuss and worry over the desire and emotion.
That rescues him, a little. He’s not saying that “spouses” (of course he means “wives”, but he’s savvy enough to encode his wifely duty message in language that’s beyond gender-reproach) have a duty to have sex even when it’s a nasty and unpleasant job.
Thus does context matter. The toilet analogy remains telling, but in its fuller context, he’s not actually saying “Suck it up, Buttercup, and lick his dirty toilet no matter how much it makes you retch.” He’s saying something like “If you can enjoy licking his toilet, you ought to get after it pretty regular, instead of waiting for the perfect fairy-tale toilet-licking moments that aren’t gonna happen so often when you’re married.” Or, to give him the words he actually uses instead of my sardonic paraphrase: “After you’ve been together for a bunch of years, not every time is going to be the ‘ground shaking, heaven bending down to kiss the earth, lights exploding from the sky and angels singing the hallelujah chorus’ encounter!”
And y’know, I think he’s actually right when he suggests that sex in marriage is necessary. Oh, not for everybody; if I said that, the first comment after this post would be “My wife and I have been married for 23 years and we don’t need sex any more; we love each other deeply and have a fulfilling marriage even though we haven’t fucked since 1996.” It happens, sure. And sometimes when lightning strikes your dog, he doesn’t die. But it remains an oft-told tale that sex declines in marriage, and when it does, the marriage is over (or in horrible trouble) soon after that. Encouraging married people to keep having sex even after some of the initial passion (or, as he rather disturbingly calls it, “all this desire and emotion nonsense”) has faded? It’s not actually a completely crazy idea.
April 28th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Learn Geography!
Back in the 1950s there was a running gag (no pun intended) in John Willie’s Bizarre magazine. He’d run a bondage photograph plus copy exhorting the reader to learn “jiu-jitsu” to avoid such situations:
For some odd reason that “Learn Jiu-Jitsu!” tagline popped instantly into my head when I stumbled over this old photograph from the early days of Hogtied.com:
Only, of course, it was twisted around: “Learn geography! So you don’t get into this mess…”
Update: After some serious rummaging and searching, I was able to find the Hogtied photoshoot (from 2003!) that this image comes from. The model is Audrey Leigh.
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April 27th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Chaste Fashion
If you’re a small-town young lady being urged to chastity by your parents and pastor, you might consider wearing something like this to church:
Or then again, on second thought, perhaps not.
I believe I found this on a German BDSM fashion site that seems not to be there anymore.
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April 26th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Jessica Alba’s Penguin Panties
I thought the best scene in the otherwise-forgettable movie Good Luck Chuck was the bit where the Jessica Alba character catches her skirt in a car door, loses the skirt, and has her penguin panties revealed to the world.
Now, there’s an animated .gif, so you don’t need to watch the movie:
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April 25th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Happy Panda, Sad Panda
I sometimes regret that Kink.com stopped updating their Men in Pain site and instead launched Divine Bitches as their flagship for femdom. “Bitches” is a word you don’t see very often here on ErosBlog, because I don’t find bitchiness erotic (with a side order of “I don’t deploy that word lightly, especially against women I don’t know”). Not being aroused by bitches disqualifies me, I suppose, from the target market for your typical female-dominant internet porn site. It’s a pity, though, because those fem-dom ladies do sometimes have some cool costumes!
Case in point, Lorelei Lee and Felony, dressed as nurses from Hell (or, if not from Hell, then from the world’s most unsanitary hospital):
In this little morality play, our evil nurses get their hands on (no, pardon me, in femdom-speak I guess they “dig their claws into”) Zak Tyler, who seems unaccountably happy. Perhaps he does not apprehend his true peril?
You know where this is going, though. By committing poorly-specified atrocities upon his happy bits, it doesn’t take them long to turn that smile upside down. Talk about a rapid attitude adjustment:
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