We’re Uptight, Apparently
“There’s one thing I don’t understand about straight people”, says Silicone Slinger. Her comments are technically directed at straight women, but the legendary uptightness of straight men probably isn’t completely irrelevant here:
Transcript:
One thing I don’t understand about straight people is when women will be really attracted to a guy’s butt and, like, want their boyfriend to have, like, a nice one, but then they’ll refuse to ever do anything to said butt.
Like, that’s like having a book just because it’s pretty and never actually wanting to look inside.
Like, you don’t wanna crack that open and see what’s in there? You don’t wanna, like, do a little exploring, get to know it a little bit? Like, you just wanna stare from the outside, maybe give it a little pat sometimes? Like, that’s just so not fun!
You really gotta dive in, and it’ll be fun for both of you. I promise!
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The Irresistible Bauble Peddlers
I don’t care how much or how little cheap and gaudy gold costume jewelry you do or do not need. If you were going along with your business when you got called over by these three naked hippie chicks sitting on blankets trying to sell you some trinkets, could you resist going over to check out their merchandise? No, my good friends, you could not. You absolutely could not:
Photo is from The Nudist Idea #1 (1965).
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A Back Worth Watching
A couple of weeks ago I posted a conversation in which a husband asked “What, am I just supposed to admire your back?” Context was his wife’s sudden realization that his eyes were often on her “b-hole” during doggystyle sex, a seemingly-obvious fact to which she had nonetheless been oblivious. Fast-forward to now and meet Britni, who “heard we were showing off back tattoos”:
That’s a back anyone would admire!
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Stabbed By A Baby Goth
If I’m any judge of youth fashion (hint: I’m totally not) the painfully young nurse who was responsible for taking my blood yesterday at the rural health clinic I attend might be a baby goth. Her hair was a blacker black than nature provides, her scrubs were a matching black, she wore big black eyeglasses, and close inspection (she had to get all up in my personal space to take my blood) revealed more empty piercing holes in her face than I could easily count.
I’m what’s known as a “hard stick” (my vein walls are springy and tend to roll away from the needle) and she was on her third try. I don’t care; my personal best (worst) is eight dry holes before a successful blood draw. But she has a kindly heart, and she does care. “I don’t want to hurt you!” she wailed, as she stabbed tentatively at the vein.
I felt bad for the young lady. She’s very kind and was being painfully nice. I wanted to put her at ease, but I am a big ol’ greying gruff white dude who, in the context she has encountered me, probably looks to her like just another MAGA asshole like her grandpa. There are barriers of propriety and professionalism between us, and we’ve got almost nothing in common. All I can do is be as calm and reassuring as possible. If only my too-smart mouth would get the memo…
“It’s all right,” I said as soothingly as I know how. “You know, some people even do this for fun.”
There was no hesitation in her response. She had indeed been aware. With considerable fervor: “Yes, but I’m not one of them!”
Luckily, at that moment her needle struck home. Blood for the blood labs!
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Handjob Flashbacks
It was supposed to be just a simple little closet organizing task for Butchtastic, but then the distasteful handjob sense memories from the bad old days kicked in:
Nope nope nope!
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Monster Fucker Monday #15
I suppose it’s a little bit rude and speciesist to refer to a giant orc who appears basically humanoid as a monster, but if his massive schlong was presently rearranging your innards all the way up to your belly button, I think you might call him monstrous too:
The art credit on this is complex and I don’t understand it well enough to simplify it: “[Dekai Buki wa Roman (Tekkai Blade)] Elf Netorare ~Kono Uzuki o Shizumete~“.
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