Hi all. Sorry I’ve been absent. At the last minute I decided to go home for Thanksgiving…..which meant alot of driving deep into Bible-belt land. I didn’t think I’d have much to blog about from here, but last night a longtime dream/fantasy came true.

There was this guy I’d had a crush on in sixth grade; he was cute and cocky and not afraid to be nice to us girls. I didn’t think he knew I existed…..but I found out later that he liked me too. But, I found that out at a bad time, because I was going with somebody else. When we broke up, he was going with somebody….but by the time they broke up, I was going with somebody again, and that’s how it went. We were good friends throughout high school but lost touch after that. Even though our families are still here, we never met up.

Until last night, anyway. I was at a store getting some booze to hide in my room, and in he walked. Not quite as blond as I remember, not as skinny, either, but still with his self-confident strut–and a nicely balding top of the head. Even better than the version of him that was part of alot of my college fantasies.

I immediately felt a rush of warmth to my nether regions, along with a telltale moistness between my legs. Then he turned, saw me, and got the most gorgeous smile I’ve ever seen on his face.

Making a long story short, we’re both single right now, so……we had a real fun time last night, steaming up the windows of his SUV. I can’t think of a better person to have unleashed all my stored-up horniness on. No matter what happens around the dinner table tomorrow, it’s been the best Thanksgiving ever for me already. :D

And speaking of Thanksgivings, here’s a small token of my appreciation for my fellow sex-bloggers, erotica enthusiasts, and kinky kindred spirits:

This just in from the Russian tabloids (as translated by Russia Makes It Funny):

“Life is too short, one has to try everything!” Svetlana decided.

Vera brought in a cat. The cat named as Timka was living in the house for quite a long time. Vera took her clothes off, put the light out and played an adult movie on the video recorder. She lied down, took a bottle of valerian and poured some on her most intimate body part. When the cat smelled valerian, he started licking it away, putting Vera in the state of ecstasy.

Unfortunately, the tale ends badly, with a visit to the emergency room. (Please bear in mind that Russian tabloids are even more lurid and fantastic than American ones. But if more Russian women had Svetlana’s approach, perhaps the Russian bride importatio business would be even more brisk than it already is?)

Wow. More than two years ago (how time flies!) I posted this rant (and this follow-up) about how lying Bardex lawyers were sending bogus demand letters around the net in an attempt to suppress discussion of the sexual uses of the Bardex balloon catheter.

Can you believe those donkey-raping smegma-sniffers are still at it?

Jane at Edinburgh Dinner Party liked my suggestion of a Victorian-themed party, and even invited me over for it. It’s very tempting, but I don’t see gathering enough pennies in the time remaining to be able to do so. :(

Anyway, I know Bacchus has featured it before, but to spare participants (and eager vicarious pleasure-seekers) from the agonies of an archive search, here’s the Victorian Sex Cry Generator once again.

My favorite: “You have gorg’d me with the dearest morsel of the earth!”

From Hoot Island, natch.

Luscious breasts are great to admire, but just as eating the same breakfast every day can get old, the same old views of titties can lose their power to capture one’s interest.

Ever-vigilant to keep that from happening to our dear readers, I’m happy to say this photo ought to do it:

Sure got my attention…..then made me wonder, What would my boobs look like from underneath?

Another mystery find.

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• Stripping Off Her Shirt
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I don’t recall ever linking to a description of fisting before, which is enough reason to do it now. (There’s also the faint hope of getting risible letters from the trained attack lawyers of the J.M. Smucker Company.) From Diary of a Slut (November 7 entry):

Ealain got out her big strap-on and harness and some high heeled boots. Her dick is so much bigger than mine or any guy I know, and it never gets limp. That boy can take some buttloving, with me just kinda playing with his nips while Ealain fucked the daylights out of him. Now he had told us that he enjoyed fisting, and told me I could sit in after she was done, so I gloved up, stuck a few more Crisco balls in his bomb bay doors, and covered my gloves with silicon lube. His butt was really inviting, and it was fun to put a few fingers in the back door to play with the prostate from the inside while I was putting a couple of fingers of the other hand in through the scrotum to play with the prostate from the outside, and apparently that was a new experience for him. Yippie kay yay!

Crisco balls? Oh my! I guess it’s not just for biscuits any more.

Thanks to Karl Elvis for the link.

There are few more enduring staples in the sex advice literary world than that old favorite, the “how to give a blowjob” tutorial. This blog has linked to a fair number of them. But this one from Hoot Island is the first I’ve ever seen that puts the tutorial in fictional form. And it’s pretty entertaining, too:

“This is serious,” Janie said. Her eyes started to tear up. “I’m gonna lose him, he’s gonna dump me for some skank who can take her teeth out!”

Erica put her arm over her bud’s shoulders and hugged her. “No, he’s not. He’s not that shallow, and even blind people can tell he loves you. Besides, I’d kick his ass if he hurts you and he knows it.”

Janie sniffled. “What’d you do, tell him that?”

“Yep. The night we met him, while you were in the bathroom.”

“You didn’t!”

“Told him I had an electric juicer at home that would accommodate his testicles perfectly,” Erica said smugly. “But really, he’s a great guy, don’t worry about it. He appreciates it when you do it, right?”

There was another long silence.

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