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Thou Shalt Commit Adultery

Tuesday, December 4th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

Boy oh boy, this commandment is very different than the one I remember them hammering into my head at Bible study:

thou shalt commit adultery

It’s from a 1631 bible in the British Museum, but at least one curator is suspicious (I think with good reason) that the ostensible misprint was deliberate, rather than “the most unfortunate mistake in the entire history of printing.”

It would be a very different religion today if that misprint (or subtle act of rebellion) had carried the day, don’t you think?

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Show Her No Pity

Thursday, May 14th, 2015 -- by Bacchus

The Holy Bible has some incredibly specific proscriptions. It turns out that if you’re fighting with a dude, and your wife grabs him by his junk in an effort to help you, you’re supposed to cut off her hand. WTF?

If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

Dude. She was trying to help! But there it is, in Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

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Those Donkey-Dicked Egyptians

Monday, May 19th, 2014 -- by Bacchus

There’s a passage in the bible (Ezekial 23:19-20) that’s remarkably forthright about the alleged sexual attributes of the Egyptians:

Yet she multiplied her harlotries, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the harlot in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their paramours, whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

If you might be even a little bit confused what is meant by “flesh” and “issue” in this passage, I have the delicately helpful commentary of Gill’s Exposition to clear things up:

By “flesh” is meant the “membrum virile”, which in asses is very large, and therefore dedicated to Priapus by the Heathens; and vast is the profusion of seed in coitus by horses, to which the flesh and issue of the Egyptian paramours are compared; who were very libidinous, and therefore desirable to insatiable women.

Well, all righty then!

(Actually, the entirety of Ezekial 23 reads rather like pornography, if you ask me.)

P.S. Yes, I’ve blogged about this before, but I didn’t remember until I’d already hit the post button. Seven years is a long time; some duplication is inevitable.

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Golden Dildos In The Bible

Monday, January 16th, 2012 -- by Bacchus

This bible verse (Ezekiel 16:17) was used as an epigram in The Stimulators about which I blogged yesterday.

Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them.

“Commit whoredom” seems like a somewhat vague complaint by Ezekiel, who is usually fairly specific in passing on what he claimed were God’s objections to the abominations then being committed in the City of Jerusalem. But then again, I’m not sure what “and didst stick them repeatedly in your hoo-hahs” should look like after being translated from the original by sexually-squeamish religious men. It’s entirely possible that old Ezekiel himself was rather more direct and clear about the objectionable uses to which the “images of men” were put.

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A Sunday Scripture (On Nose Hooks)

Sunday, April 6th, 2003 -- by Bacchus

japanese bondage nose hook photos - and a scripture

Therefore I will put my hook in your nose
And my bridle in your lips,
And I will turn you back
by the way which you came.

— 2 Kings 28

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