Her Charming Stunt

Here’s a two-stanza limerick from 1941 that relies heavily on the supposed banality of married sex:

There was a young man with a prick
which into his wife he would stick
every morning and night
if it stood up alright —
not a very remarkable trick.

His wife had a nice little cunt
that was hairy, and soft in the front.
With this she would fuck him
or sometimes she’d suck him…
a charming, if commonplace, stunt.

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In Like Flynn: A Rape Culture Limerick

It’s been, I suppose, at least twenty years since the last time I heard someone say “and then you’re in like Flynn!” It’s positive enthusiastic triumphant slang, or used to be; somewhat akin to the British/Cockney “…and Bob’s your uncle!” It means, or it used to mean, that you were successful, you were across the finish line, that you had got it made. By the time I first heard it as a teenage boy, it had lost much of its sexual connotations, and you could say it in front of church ladies or your mother. But in its origins, it was explicitly sexual, referencing legendary film actor Errol Flynn’s reputation as a seducer, cocksman, and accused rapist. (Various learned linguists cited by the notorious killjoys of Wikipedia are said to consider this a folk etymology, but I put a bit more faith in The Straight Dope, which seems to support it.)

That’s only one of the things that makes this bawdy limerick from the December 1967 Rogue magazine a bit obscure:

In the interest of furthering sin
One squiffles a dolly with gin.
When squiffled, all vice
Looks alluring and nice
And the next thing, you’re in like E. Flynn!

Well, now, where’s my 20th-Century Dictionary Of American Vice?

I have never heard the word “squiffled” but it seems clear enough in context: pleasantly drunk, tiddly, amenable to suggestion, incapable of meaningful consent. Sadly I don’t actually possess any comprehensive dictionary of vice, and no online dictionary whatsoever that I can find will admit to having heard of the word “squiffled” either. But the context is clear, as is this uncharitable review of Hunter S. Thompson that describes him as “illegally squiffled at every inconvenient moment.” That’s a good enough citation for me!

Squiffles, then, would be the parallel verb form, although its appearances in the search engines are fewer-to-none in comparison to the half-dozen instances of “squiffled” (as drunk) that I could find.

The chair will now entertain motions to the effect that this has been more textual analysis than can be justified by the merit of the material…

Update: Although neither “to squiffle” (verb) or “squiffled” (adjective) is listed, the rather marvelous Dictionary of contemporary slang: with more than 5,000 racy and raffish colloquial expressions–from America, Great Britain, Australia, the Caribbean, and other English-speaking places lists the clearly-related words “squiffy” (lighthearted adjective meaning drunk or inebriated) and “squiff” (noun, meaning a drunkard). The noun form is listed as Australian in origin, and see one comment below, similar.

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Don’t Forget To Peecycle

When I woke up this morning, my subconscious mind was already wrangling with the poetical details of a series of limericks. It seems grandiose to call this short sequence of lowbrow verses a cycle, but that’s truly what it is: three of the limericks (so far) focus on the comic tale of a certain prominent man in a fancy hotel room in Moscow, alone but for Putin’s cameras and some well-hydrated women “of a low level of social responsibility.”

For a variety of reasons, I’m uncertain whether I should actually post the resulting pee-cycle. I am therefore imposing upon myself (and upon my own questionable judgment) a very low challenge barrier. Here it is: if I get three more pledges (at any level) in support of the ErosBlog Patreon campaign before Tuesday, January 31, 2017, I’ll post the limericks on that day. If I don’t? Then I won’t.

Are there least three people, each having a dollar or more to spare, who would like to see a few verses of lowbrow liquid lampoonery?

If not, that’s a good reason to keep this pissy doggerel to myself.

Meanwhile, here is a tangentially related limerick that spun out of my fingertips while I was writing down the pee ones (which are much funnier, I promise.) This one got rejected from the cycle due to humorlessness and a technical lack of subject-matter relevance:

If you want more and better, you know what to do…

February 1 update: The people have (not) spoken. The Pee Cycle will not be published. However, I can refuse my existing patrons nothing. If you are a Patreon supporter of ErosBlog who wants to see these limericks, please email me (bacchus@erosblog.com) and ask. I’ll fix you right up!

February 2018 update: Still not a peep from the people. Wow, I seriously misunderestimated the revulsion of the populace at the mere prospect of this fine literachure. I may go to my grave with this little .txt file still on my hard drives. Let it be a problem for my literary executor. Um… On second thought, maybe I will publish it in celebration if the Russkis ever release the video. We’ll see.

2021 update: Since the old mope can’t stop denial-confessing to this kink, I should remind everybody that it’s never too late to support me on Patreon and then email me for your copy of the Pee Cycle.