Sadistic Glee

If you’ve ever heard the phrase “sadistic glee” and wondered what it actually looks like, I think I got you covered:

That’s Lady Natalie Black, doing something implausible with steel rods that ought not to fit where she shoves them. Yes, the dude is extremely well-restrained and yeah, that’s not a small cock he’s brought along to the urethral sounding party, but still…

Photo is via Kink Unlimited.

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Thor’s Hammers For The Discreet Pagan

Back in my college days, I sometimes hung out with an assortment of Wiccans and neopagans and Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) types. I blended best, among that crew, with the pseudo-Vikings, if only because I knew how to, and was willing to, brew a foul-but-potent quick-mead in five gallon batches. Thus did I become familiar with the iconography of the Thor’s hammer, worn as jewelry in much the same way that Christians wear crosses. This late Saxon example was found in Norfolk with a metal detector:

But in the looming Mike Pence blood-soaked theocracy, where should a discreet follower of the old Norse gods carry his sacred hammer pendant, once the weekly public pagan burnings get underway? It’s a problem, but I think I may have found a solution. This Cock Screw Silicone Penis Plug Set may be marketed as a matched set of urethral sounds, but to my eye the plugs seem pretty clearly designed to function as crypto-hammers that a Thor-worshiper can carry you-know-where, without being discovered by any but the most intrusive of body searches:

Laugh now if you must, but you’ll thank me, ye Sons of Odin, after the first time you get caught up in a random religious purity sweep by the Rapture Brigades.

Meanwhile back in your urethra, here is some more information:

The innovative Cock Screw Set consists of a pair of thick silicone sounds featuring wing nut handles at the base so you can easily control how deep you want to penetrate or how slow you want to twist without fumbling.

The Cock Screw Set comes with two sounds: Spike and Twist. Use Spike for a smooth slide down your shaft, or really put those wing nut handles to use with Twist, turning its spiral shape deep inside until your eyes roll back. With both measuring an impressive 6.5 mm diameters at their widest points, you’ll be pretty well stuffed no matter which design you use.

The Cock Screw Set of sounds are made of 100% pure platinum cure silicone, making them ideal for urethral insertion. Both a body-safe material and able to be sterilized, these silicone plugs are also flexible, allowing for a more forgiving insertion. Made in the USA by the cock toy experts at Oxballs.

Update: It turns out I have blogged about these plugs before. The first time I saw them, I thought axe, not hammer. How quickly the world changes, and our outlook with it!

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Urethral Sounds: The Why Of It

I’ve long been aware that sex toy companies sell an impressive and intimidating array of urethral sounds. Indeed, they sell whole kits of them in differing sizes. Inserting these things in your penis is probably safer than stuffing Gummi worms up there, but I’ve never been tempted to try either one. (Call it a gap in my sexual imagination if you must.)

I am therefore delighted to discover that Nerve ran a detailed piece of urethral sounding last spring. The why, the how, the what-it-was-like, perhaps too-thickly buttered with intellectualism, but nothing in life is perfect: Sensible Sounding: Why I Inserted a Metal Rod into My Penis on Purpose.

Some of the why:

I began to wonder if something in my penis and its stupid tripwire emissions system was preventing me from climbing the ecstatic ladder into the stars. Whenever a partner rolled her head in pleasure or grabbed a fistful of bed sheet while arcing her pelvis upward, I wondered why my own arousal never made me do any of that. Sex inspired in me a suspicion that there were even better forms of it that I would have to travel outside of myself to discover. Which is how I came to be sitting in my bedroom one night, sliding a long metal tube into my penis.

A bit about sounds:

Urethral sounding rods are a relatively obscure and intimidating member of the sex toy family, usually a long, slender metal cylinder meant to slide into the urethra to create a pleasing dilation effect. Sizes range from 4 to 17 millimeters in circumference, though there is some variation. The rods come in a variety of shapes – some have a gentle S-shaped curve, while others have large cylindrical dumbbells on their tips. Some come with flat, rectangular ends, some have repeating spherical ridges, and the most intimidating have severe fishhook curves.

A bit of the physiology:

The tissue in the urethra is embryologically the same as the labia minora, and it’s filled with sensitive nerve endings all the way down. Just moving a smooth, well-lubricated object along these tissues can be pleasurable, but there are deeper wonders to be touched in sounding. The urethra is divided into four parts that connect the bladder to head of one’s penis, the last of which runs directly through the prostate, a sensitive organ that’s central to the ejaculatory spasms men experience during orgasm. Sudden dilation of the prostatic urethra can trigger ejaculation and the enlivening sensations that accompany it.

And finally, a very small bit from the author’s account of actually sounding himself:

When I finally closed my bedroom door and held the rod in my hand, an over-abundance of clear lube clotting around its narrowest half, I thought for a moment about the fact that I was now going to be fucked by a purely machined object. Most of the sex toys I’d known were fetishized reflections of another human body in some abstract way. Dildos and Fleshlights were direct analogs of genitalia, while cock rings and vibrators evoked in some distant way the intensified gestures another person might do to you. But I was on my own with the rod – there was no fantasy of an idyllic shadow lover when I felt the metal spread open my penis. There was no pantomime of acting out love for any other body. There was no projecting; I was alone with a piece of metal.

Though not necessary, I decided it would be easiest to start if I had an erection. The rod went in softly and smoothly…

As usual, you know the drill: there’s much much more.

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