From what I hear, the Hitachi Magic Wand is considered “too much” by a lot of women, even before they’ve had an orgasm. And from what I’ve observed, tolerance for vigorous stimulation tends to decline in women after they’ve had one. So, yeah: “Sadistic Bastard” is probably not too harsh here. Although possibly she means it in a good way, right? From The Blog Of Fred:

I swirled and criss crossed her clit with my tongue. Just as she got excited I changed and licked around the periphery. Back to the clit with more swirls. Eventually she pushed her hips up and moaned and gasped as her orgasm engulfed her, I continued for a while and she moaned and orgasm several more times.

My turn.

Kneeling between her legs I gently pushed inside. She was very wet. It did not take long. A few moments of rhythmic thrusting I was past the point of no return. Lovely.

I moved off and rummaged in her bedside cupboard for her Hitachi wand.

“No Fred that’s too much, I am too sensitive. Please no!” I ignored her pleading and plugged the machine in. I held it against her clit; turned off.

“Here we go, try not to make too much noise, I think your neighbours have come home!” I switched it on.

She screamed and wriggled and tried to move away but I held her firm and applied more pressure. She gasped and flushed bright red from her face to her belly button. She held her breath in a vain attempt to control herself. All in vain. Useless. She shuddered and screamed as the bitter sweet pleasure of an orgasm on an over sensitive clitoris rushed over her.

I lifted the Hitachi clear of her clit. After a few moments her breathing slowed and she opened her eyes. “You sadistic bastard!”

Whereupon he reminded her that she was still tied up, and he still had the Hitachi in his hand…

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Here’s another Twitter commentary on the justly-famous Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator:

@amiewee: Hitachis don’t make love to you. They exorcise orgasms from you.

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Tweet of the day, in re: the Hitachi Magic Wand and its uses:

From now on, using my hitachi shall be dubbed “roasting my marshmallow”.

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Given that I’ve posted numerous times about the popularity of the Hitachi Magic Wand (and not for use as a “back massager”, either), it only seems fair to share this hilarious tweet from @Mollena, who is not numbered among those fans:

IMO the Hitachi’s like a Leprechaun doing “Riverdance” on my business. Too much. My DMZ is sensitive. I orgasm on bumpy bus rides.

I’ve been posting affiliate links to sex toys since approximately April of 2006. Today I was looking at some aggregate statistics about orders not completed — items that potential customers following my links put into a virtual shopping cart, but never checked out. In more than four years, what are the most popular “almost purchased” items?

It’s actually a rather fun little list:

1. Vibrating Silver Bullet. Inexpensive ($9), classic, functional. 72 “almost” purchases over four years. Nice price/utility ratio.
2. Hitachi Magic Wand. Famous. Capable. Legions of fans. $39.95. 67 “almost” purchases.
3. Bend Over Boyfriend DVD. The classic instructional video for hetero strap-on fun. $38.00. 63 “almost” purchases.
4. Fleshlight Male Masturbator. Another famous toy with a lot of marketing behind it. The spendiest item on the list at $65.00. 44 “almost” purchases.
5. 18″ Black Paddle. Your basic wooden spanking paddle, big enough to be evil. $42.00. 36 “almost” purchases.

I don’t know whether this list is a proxy for overall item popularity, or whether it’s a special list of items that people consider buying before “chickening out” or deciding to be kind to their credit cards. But it’s interesting, either way.

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Given my technophilia it was a given that I would read Bacchus’s In Thrall to the Machines post from yesterday, and equally given that I would follow the link for the Hitachi Magic Wand whereupon, on a page dominated by a comely nude model prominently displaying Hitachi’s doubtless fine product, my eyes were drawn straight away to…

For North American use only, on 110-120 volts. Do not use with a voltage converter. Any use outside of North America voids warranty.

And immediately I started wondering “Oh yeah? What happens if I do use a voltage converter? Are the untoward consequences legal in nature? Technical? Sexual?” (Note: I am not recommending anyone actually try this.)

And why am I looking at this piece of text and not at the pretty girl? Hmm. Do I have perhaps…unorthodox obsessions?

Though the second thing that came to mind was perhaps a little more normal, at least for anyone who was an adolescent guy once.

As the robot famously said to human paramour “Earth women who experience sexual ecstasy with mechanical assistance always tend to feel guilty.”

Not anymore, apparently. Good.

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Attribution note: I found this thanks to Twitter, but can’t recreate the attribution flow. Quiet Saturday morning, looking at people in my stream, looking at who they follow, reading a few of those, looking at who they follow, seeing a couple of interesting tweets, hitting a profile link… and suddenly I’m reading this.

But first, more preface. The Hitachi Magic Wand is said to be the gold standard among powerful vibrators — too powerful for some, but the first, and in some cases only, way to fly for innumerable women who find orgasm tricky or difficult. And increasingly over the last couple of years, I’m seeing it used in BDSM porn, substituting “forced” real orgasms for the traditional lamely-faked ones. (See, e.g., bits of the trailer or the 4th, 8th, and 10th pictures from this shoot.) I’ve wondered about that on more than one occasion. And now (second run up to the lane, let’s see if I can hurl the bowling ball this time) here’s Post Modern Sleaze:

He’s wrapping me in plastic. I can hear the peel and coil of the wrap, the slight tackiness of it as it folds around my limbs. I’m still hooded, breathing through a tube and sometimes the air stops, rubber inflating and deflating uselessly, enough to bring me part way to a panic. Then released. After a short while, I’m done. Bagged and tagged. There’s only a couple of inches on show, arse and cunt. I’m two holes in nothingness. Squirming a little underneath, to see how it feels.

It feels good, tight enough to be held all over and nowhere to go. There’s the chill drizzle of lube over the exposed flesh, making me slick. I am made of concentrated anticipation. There’s something hard, large and seemingly spherical, pressing against my cunt. I tense as I hear mechanical buzzing and my thoughts race at memories of over-powerful magic wands. I become a little scared. The shape presses inside me, pushing slowly in and out, uncaringly pushing through taut, worried flesh. It’s hard and it hurts enough to mean something. It throbs with weight. And there’s something else, pushed close against my clit. I recognise the hitachi and barely have time to utter a pre-emptive yelp before it roars into life and my body explodes with sensation.

It’s too much. I know it’s too much after two or three miliseconds. It’s too much but it isn’t stopping and I can’t move. I can moan though, which I do, as if the pressure against my cunt and inside me is trying to come out of my mouth. It doesn’t help. I have never felt force like it and it is force, brute force, commanding deep responses. It’s not exactly pain, it’s not exactly pleasure, it pitches between the two, in waves equally unyielding and incessant. I cannot relax into it and I cannot get away from it. Sometimes I’m sucked down by it, other times I can edge myself away a little but then the pitch changes and it’s too strong again.

I tense, almost as if I’m about to orgasm, but the pressure is too much and I can’t. Something has to give. So I started to cry with the helpless frustration of it all. All this time when I thought I was tied up to be the object and instead I am a whimpering scrap of flesh plastered to a bench in thrall to the real machines.

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