May 3rd, 2005 -- by Bacchus
A Practical Woman Ponders Truth
Is truth sometimes overrated? DirtyTalkinGirl wonders:
In a nutshell: M is delighted with our sex life. I’m not. Communicating the reasons for my dissatisfaction could very well collapse a marriage that in other respects remains serviceable. So as Graham Greene suggests in The Heart of the Matter, I wonder whether truth is over-valued to the exclusion of other virtues in human affairs.
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Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1209
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1209
Its easy to tell when a woman is faking an orgasm…just stop thrusting and if they immediately stop as well….they are faking.
I picked that up too Bacchus – very thought provoking… So much so that I posted on a related topic.
Thanks for the link BTW, which has been reciprocated. I have read your blog for ages – never linked ‘cos I figured everyone came here as a matter of course…
What got me was this “I had to make a quick decision about whether to ruin the night or not”, or words to that effect. Well, excuse me if I am wrong, but how often does it all go exactly to plan? Very rarely in my experience. And if I was told “sorry but it’s not happening tonight, or most nights for that matter”, yeah I would be upset, disappointed etc, but I wold be glad she had told me and we could try and work things out. I wouldn’t call it the end of the world if she didn’t come at the same time as me because it wasn’t working for her that night. In fact, anyone who says they have a significantly percentage of simultaneous orgasms is lying.
The worst part of faking it is that it goes against the “no secrets, no lies” credo that Dangly & I try to live by. I am fortunate in that I “come early & often”, but even on those rare ocassions when Dangly comes before me, he doesn’t leave me hanging – that’s what hands, mouth & toys are for!
If women would just NOT fake it, but tell their partners what the heck they need to do to make them come, there’d be much less pain in the world.
Oh, I just want to comment on Mulder’s “anyone who says they have a significantly percentage of simultaneous orgasms is lying”.
Dangly & I actually do, but I think it’s because I’ve usually already had my “main orgasm” before penetration actually happens. Any after that are just “bonus points” – and are easier to come by than the first big one. Many times, just feeling him come inside me will set me off, too.
moondog, those are women who don’t fake well. believe me, it can be faked well, from the shuddering moans to the spasming genitals and the appearance of utterly losing one’s self no matter what he’s doing. i totally get why dtg would fake it — i’ve done it for the same reasons. ultimately, though, dishonesty doesn’t really serve either party. even if i’ve made the guy happy through my falsehood, ultimately, i’ve cheated us both, and that’s not good for anyone.
I have never faked an orgasm, as I told DTG, honesty at the very beginning of a sexual relationship is so important because once done, the fake can’t be undone. Men are not so fragile that they can’t be told the truth.
And I also let every partner know at the beginning that sometimes I like to just boink and get boinked without the need to orgasm.
No pressure – just fun sex.
Ahh, Bacchus! So THIS is where my traffic spike is coming from. Thank you, darling. :)
The point of my post was not THAT I faked but WHY, and in my own defence, I will repeat that I do not make a habit of faking since I’m normally multi-orgasmic.
This was an isolated incident that threw into sharp relief some issues that I thought were worth considering in the context of marriage. I’m grateful that some readers at least didn’t gag at the idea of faking and did consider the complex issues I raised about the relative values of honesty, kindness, and sacrifice.
DTG xxoo
The merits of faking or not faking have been widely discussed in many places, and it was’t what interested me about these posts, so much as the broader suggestion that honesty isn’t always to anyone’s net benefit.
On the narrower point about the orgasm in question, however, I found quite fascinating the context in which DTG bemoaned his failure to “own” her orgasms in the way that she feels it necessary to own his. A valid complaint in the abstract, but doesn’t it seem that she claimed ownership with eight bloody Marines and a flag on a pointy pole when she misled him about it?
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with “the little white lie” if a woman is willing to go there. But even little white lies have consequences, and it seems unfair to me to hold the other party responsible for something you are actively misleading them about. Maybe it makes sense in woman logic, but to a man, that’s a headshaker and a half.
Ha! She slipped in while I was talking about her!
Hi, DTG. I consider “to fake or not to fake” one of those intensely situational things — pretty hard to question by somebody who wasn’t there. I agree that your question about the relative virtues is far more interesting.
Eight Marines? I WISH, darling. Not really. I’d be happy with just one good caning. ;)
It’s not that I feel it “necessary” to own his orgasms. It just happens like that—I do a lot to help him get hard, stay hard, and come. He gets tons of oral, for example, because I happen to love to give it, I love to make him come like that. The hip-cranking is another example—he loves it and will often beg me NOT to do it if he doesn’t want to come yet, but when he’s ready, I turn that on for him.
The point was that he doesn’t feel any need to reciprocate. He doesn’t do much to make me come. He gives a bit of foreplay to lube me up, but that’s all, and if I were cynical, which I’m not, I could say that’s for his benefit. He just leaves the orgasm up to me and I just wish sometimes that he’d help me. Like this time, when I had to come on my own and couldn’t, for once. Does this make any sense at all?
DTG xxoo
Yes, DTG, that makes perfect sense!
DTG, it *does* make sense, and I do understand your point. He wasn’t taking ownership (in this new-age business-babble sense we are using the word) long before the evening in question, which makes my point rather theoretical.
Theoretical or not, though, it still seems to me that it would be very tough for a guy to even *try* to take ownership if he’s with a woman who gives him bogus feedback. In order to be responsible (even partially) for something, you’ve got to have access to accurate data about it. To keep flogging the business analogy, would it make sense to make someone responsible for an enterprise while simultaneously feeding them bad data about the success of the enterprise? I think not. But, as you point out, that’s not really your situation; instead, you’re dealing with someone who never expressed any managerial ambition in the first place.
TwiddlyBits, yes, that’s sort of what meant about the orgasms. We are the same and I usually make sure my other half (Scully?) has had hers first, mainly as it makes the actual penetration and what follows much easier and enjoyable for us both. If she has another during this then that is a bonus, but it’s rarely at the same time as mine.
“from the shuddering moans to the spasming genitals and the appearance of utterly losing one’s self no matter what he’s doing.”
You are kidding yourself if you think this fools a man.
Bacchus, yes, your last line sums it up perfectly. Thank you.
DTG xxoo
:blush: :O :laugh: