Dude, Fuck Yer Wife Already
In the 17th century they were a little less blunt, but that’s the basic message of this poem, another gem from “Sportive Wit” by John Phillips:
Against Demur in Marriage
Prithee friend leave off thy fooling,
And at last resolve to do
What Loves pleasures never cooling,
Love and beauty prompt thee to.
Venus cares not for good-will,
But would have thee doing still.
Do but view that maid of mettle,
How the rose smiles on her cheek;
The flower’s defended by the nettle,
And the rose deserves a prick.
Crop it then before it wither:
Youth and Love decay together.
Call thy spirits up, and make her
Great as ever she can hold:
Leave her quite, or quickly take her;
Be thou either hot or cold.
Love and Religion both agree,
Luke-warm’s as bad as he or she.
Delays in drinking spoil good Claret;
Demurs make sick the maidenhead:
Sipping either doth but mar it;
Neither pleaseth, if once dead.
Take her then; no longer dally:
Worse then death is shally, shally.
Courage, man, to it; touch and take her:
Maids by hopes are oft beguiled:
Dallying, big will hardly make her;
Kisses never got a child.
Take her then and leave thy wooing:
Meaning’s not so good as doing.
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=2727
I was rapid-click deleting a ton of spam comments and I think I accidentally zapped a real one from this thread. If it was yours, my apologies.
This is great. It reminds me of the famous poem called To His Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell, which is a brilliant piece of literature, not least because it contains the couplet:
‘My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow’