January 31st, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Toward A More Faithful But Smellier Woman
There’s an interesting review in the New York Times of what sounds like a rather awesome new translation of the Kama Sutra. However, it’s important to remember that not all of the teachings in the Kama Sutra are good ones:
The Kama Sutra provides a recipe to make a man invisible so he can sneak into a harem. There is wince-inducing advice, involving insect bristles and a string hammock, for enlarging the penis. If you would like a woman to be faithful, we are told, sprinkle her with “a mixture of powered milkweed thorns, hogweed,” monkey feces and “root of glory lily.”
What earthly good, I ask you, is a faithful woman who reeks of monkey feces?
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That might depend on the diet of the monkey and the preparation after collection. I would be very careful of the glory lily though, quite deadly.
Isn’t Ambergris, the ingredient in some antique perfumes, essentially whale vomit? I’m not a big coffee drinker, but I hear some of the most expensive blends come from beans that have been extracted from animal dung, so there is, literally, no accounting for taste.
A camel dung pessary (think vaginal suppository) used to be used as birth control in ye olden days. Again, I would imagine it is extremely effective as I personally would not try to inseminate someone who had taken that precaution.
:-D
Note to jaguar:
Yup! Whale snot used to be used in m’lady’s perfume before the whale became more protected.
Famous occultist Aleister Crowley, 1875-1947 (subject of Black Sabbath’s, Ozzy Osbourne’s “Mr. Crowley”), used to mix up the three animal secretions ambergris, civet, and musk together as an aphrodisiacal “Perfume of Immortality” or “Elixar of Love”. Reputedly, it smelled like taint, or the perineal area, and it drove some women wild (…also some men!).
If Crowley had lived in an age to hear Pink Floyd’s song “Young Lust”, I can imagine him humming the lyrics, “…Ooooh, I need a dirty woman. Ooooh, I need a dirty girl…” while dabbing it behind his ears before a party.
Oh, and speaking of civet and the dung coffee? The coffee of the one percenters on Wall Street is known as Kopi Luwak (It costs over $150.00 per pound). Each bean is hand-picked from the droppings of wild civets (Think one part cat, one part raccoon, and one part weasel).
This may sound odd at first, but the idea is that the bean-loving “cat” knows which beans are ripened to perfection, and which are not.
I have an acquaintance (a former veteran, who went on to later perform certain covert “dirty deeds” for the government), who was quite the coffee aficionado. He loved coffee so much, that he once was nearly shot by a prison guard, for trying to down a whole pot that he had spontaneously grabbed when he was exceptionally thirsty.
Anyway, I digress, he used to pick up each bean, hold it under his nose, and take a long deep breath. If the bean didn’t smell to his liking, he would pitch it and go on to the next contender. So, my guess is, that a civet, with its longish snout, can probably smell a bitter, worm infested bean without tasting it.
The civet only likes the coffee berry for its meaty, cherry-like pulp, and so the seed just passes undigested though its intestines, and is pooped out a day and a half later. Natives collect the droppings, clean the poop off, and sell it to the coffee brokers for export.
Actually the Civet’s stomach partially digests the coffee bean, changing the protein structure or something like that, it’s not just about which beans are freshest. If you’re really into that kind of thing, it Is the best kind of bean to get.
You are absolutely correct Justin about the partial digestion. In stating that they are “undigested”, I merely meant to point out that the beans retain their shape, and are pooped out totally recognizable. You can see the spoor here:
http://www.bean...o.gif
http://www.alib....html
…looking a lot like coprolite:
http://www.tlze...lites
http://www.twog...s.htm
Some proteins are dissolved out making the bean less bitter when roasted. I am sure the civet also picks the ripest berries.
Crowley’s Ruthvah perfume smelled disgusting to me when I encountered it, like ferret. However, I hate all musky perfumes, even when based on musk ambrette. I am male, for the record.
Note to Hug:
My guess is that one man’s (or woman’s), garbage is another man’s (or woman’s), gourmet meal.
Personally, ferret doesn’t appeal to me (I’ve smelled it), but certain other musks DO attract me.
Another such famous animal secretion by the way, is beaver (No, not THAT kind! …the four-footed variety…). Some women report a magical result with this musky anal gland exudate called castoreum, and perfumes such as Chanel and Shalimar use it as an ingredient which they call castor.
According to Tilar J. Mazzeo (The Secret of Chanel No. 5, HarperCollins, 2010, p. 20), sexually provocative perfumes heavy with animal musk or jasmine are associated with prostitutes or courtesans and jet-setters.
Certain musk-like odors (Like those found in truffles), cause pigs to want to rut. That’s why pigs are used in finding buried truffles. Oddly, pigs are genetically extremely close to humans. Do the math… Pig embryos and human embryos look very similar. Some women have a row of nipples down their stomachs in matching pairs just like a sow, and some people are born with a short vestigial pig-like tail containing up to five extra vertebra (Mouied Alashari, Joy Torakawa: True Tail in a Newborn, Pediatric Dermatology 12(3), pp 263—266, 2008).
This guy can be seen wiggling his on YouTube: http://www.yout...eYf8c
Daniel Tosh did a totally sick skit about it on 9-20-2011…
Some people report that the earthy smell of watered-down musk reminds them of baby skin, others report that it reminds them of leather.
The USFDA has approved the beaver’s anal gland secretions for use as a food flavoring (often referred to on labels as “natural flavoring”), which I find to be rather interesting. Along with creosote (The dark brown tar-like preservative once used on railroad ties and telephone poles), it is used as an artificial vanilla flavoring. You have to wonder which corporations pushed THOSE through the approval process…
A lot of men are more attracted to the earthy/woody tones of true sandalwood, cinnamon, myrrh, ylang-ylang, and frankincense than they are to those flowery scents that often produce allergic reactions which actually repulse men (especially those artificially produced fragrances…).
Some wines are aged in cedarwood to give them a “sweaty” note.
The most disgusting food I have encountered was natto. I am not sure if the ammonia aroma is related to any sexual matters.
I can’t remember which science fiction author did a short story about a scientist revealing to his boss the discovery that we were descended from pigs rather than apes.
One of the reasons we have to fear swine flu, is because we are similar enough to pigs be susceptible to it.
A pig’s heart is closest to the human heart they say (Whoever “they” are…). “They” also say that human flesh resembles ham more than steak, and some say it tastes like ham too!…
Pigs are allegedly smarter than cats and dogs…
Oddly, we seem to be genetically closer to a pig than a chimp is to a pig! However, I think we are still closer to the chimp than we are the pig.
Scientists are currently manipulating pigs’ genes so that we can swap organs without the rejection problems.
Then there is this:
http://xenophil...face/