“You’re Doing It Wrong”: The Cure
Dan Savage advice at its classic best:
In my opinion, the woman who informed you that you would be laughed out of “the community” for your choice of safe word is being a huge dickhead. In fact, it sounds like she has a bad case of You’re Doing It Wrong.
YDIW is a social-skills disorder that members of the BDSM community are at particular risk of acquiring. (Others at heightened risk: religious conservatives, sports fans, advice columnists.) BDSMers with YDIW feel they have a right to inform other BDSMers that they’re doing it wrong–whatever it might be–even if the “it” being done wrong poses no risk to the YDIW sufferer or anyone else.
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YDIW in BDSMers–and social conservatives–can be treated and cured through the application of “NO ONE GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK, ASSHOLE.” It should be applied liberally whenever YDIW flares up.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=7769
YDIW is a danger anytime people stop focusing on the Purpose of an activity/community, and care more about the Form (where the form is not in fact an intergral part). Take religion for example, How you pray is arguably a lot less important than the fact that you Do pray.
Of course, many wars have been fought over the How… :(
Back to the sexeh stuff. I asked a partner if she would fulfill a certain fantasy. She said yes, except for this part over here, which she wasn’t really into. My response? “okay.” Because overall, it was still going to be fun for both of us, and what she was unhappy with wasn’t the core of the whole thing. I’m not going to say that she’s doing it wrong, when we’re both going to mightily enjoy ourselves. Which is the key point.
Being the curious cat that I am, I just had to know what the word was, so I clicked the link.
As I understand it “safeword” is the single-most popular safe-word in the BDSM community! Personally, I think it’s an extremely wise and logical choice.
Many, many BDSM practitioners play with a number of others in the community, and use the word “safeword” universally, well, for safety’s sake…
It’s difficult to remember the safe-word of twenty-some different people, and the last thing you want is to be in serious pain, use the word “Geronimo” for instance, and have your dominatrix mistakenly think you mean “Once more into the breach my love!” (To some people, “Geronimo” is an exclamation used to express exhilaration, esp. when leaping from a great height or moving at a high speed. A battle cry used by paratroopers…)
So, I have to agree with Dan here.
That said, if I bought my gal a black leather cat-suit to dominate me in, and came home from work the next day to have her meet me at the door and say, “Honey, I spent the day decorating that outfit you gave me to wear, so it wouldn’t look so scary! First I spray painted the whole thing pink, then I used white nail polish to draw Hello Kitties and My Little Ponies all over it.”. I’ll have to admit, I just might wince and think, “Honey, you’re doin’ it wrong!”.
I’d be afraid she was going to make you wear the Hello Kitty cat suit. In public.
Dr. Whiplash – LOL. Sounds like a bit Woody Allen or Mel Brooks might have done.