Porn Star Dating
Years and years ago, on a blog that no longer exists, BDSM pornographer JR wrote a little essay about what it’s like to date a porn star. It sounds to me as if he may have been a little bit in love. Certainly, your mileage (and your porn stars) may vary. But even so:
I really have a good life with her. We do all the things every “normal” couple does. Shopping, the grocery store. I’d even go so far to say that she pampers me. She looks out for me in the ways I fail, she always reaches for me in the night when I come to bed. Without fail, she moans the pleasure, even vibrates. She gives me confirmation without me asking or without, I believe, her even knowing it. She is proactive in my life, she loves my animals, she engages me every morning, she insists on being a part of me.
She repeatedly request that I join her at her shoots. She tells me in no uncertain terms that she prefers me at her side.
She doesn’t care how I smell. She dresses with style and down-home cuteness. Her panty and sun dress collection would blow your mind, I dress like a slob and can never remember to zip up my pants.
When I wake in the morning she is there. She is herself; nude, tiny and full of life. Always bright, always receptive, always ready to live the moment; she would just as soon brush my dogs in the back yard upon waking as hit a thrift store or catch “breakfast”. Her outlook, her stance, her approach reflect this. She never denies me.
Like me, in spite of what you read here, she is very private. Her attention is gratuitous when she trusts you.
But you do have to live with the fact that she fucks other men. Fucks them on camera. Fucks them in front of people.
You need to reach inside and find yourself.
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I once competed for a woman’s affection, knowing that she was sleeping with someone else as well. But considering that situation had a ‘win’ condition (I didn’t end up with her :/ ) it’s quite different for me to dating someone who has sex with other people as part of their living. Not sure how much of that is my rather conservative upbringing, or just old competition brain wiring. Not sure if it would be different in a relatively stable poly relationship, it’s an intriguing thought experiment to consider everyone in a village sharing each other because you know you need the genetic diversity, it’s socially accepted and you don’t feel in direct competition with the other people as much.
tl:dnr – would it be easier for porn stars to have relationships if they only made films with other people in a decently sized polycule or similar?