“Let’s stir the pot”, she says with a gleam of mischief in her eye. “I think men should have to be on leashes until they are vetted and fully trained by an emotionally mature woman.”

Hold on! Before we get into all that, let’s examine the platform. I just did a quick Erosblog search for “leash“. By my quick and dirty and not-at-all scientific counting methods, the number of times we’ve mentioned leashes since 2002 is around 30. Almost a third of those mentions involved leashed men, somewhat to my surprise. I know my own kinky predilections. I also know damned well I’ve given plenty of screen space to literal patriarchal wankery, and that’s why it’s perfectly fair to return the favor.

If The Headphone Oracle has a few playfully matriarchal words (backup link) to say about a better way to order the world for the safety of women, I don’t need to agree with those words to make room for them here:

Let’s stir the pot.

I think men should have to be on leashes until they are vetted and fully trained by an emotionally mature woman, preferably somebody that has been through perimenopause.

I said what I said.

I got this idea… You know that trend where people are doing the bridal processions to different music? There was this woman who was doing it, and Bridesmaid One was walking Groomsman One down the aisle on a leash.

I just think that that is a fantastic idea. You take the women who have been through the shit, who know all the things about the world, and you take the newly minted men and you make them be leash trained until they can be vetted to be a safe human being for other people to be around. Full training sessions.

Like, we can open up a school and the men are not allowed to speak or do anything until they can be proven to know that they are safe to be out in the world. We do it with Rottweilers and other supposed aggressive breeds. Why not? They’re dogs, we’re bitches. Why not just put them on a leash?

Unfortunately, it would be fetishized. It already is. However, I think men should have to be leash trained before they’re released out into the wild for their forever homes.

It’s the wildest of fantasies, of course, in a world where a sex educator can sell out her blowjob classes (students: mostly women) but her parallel offering of pussy-eating classes never happen, because the tickets don’t sell.

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