How does Jony know she married the right guy? Here, she’ll tell us:

This is how I know I married the right guy.

Back when we were dating, we were taking a shower together. As you do. And Alistair thought it would be really funny to pee on me.

And I think: “That is freaking disgusting, but, oh, well, I’m gonna get you back. You think you’re funny? I’m gonna get you.”

And so I decide to maintain eye contact with him. And while I’m maintaining eye contact with him, and he thinks we’re lovingly locking eyes, I am secretly pissing on him. I’m getting my revenge, and I’m pissing on him. And I’m just smiling, looking at him, maintaining that eye contact. And when I finish pissing on him, I look at him and I say, “Ha, ha! I got you back. I was peeing on you this whole time.”

And then he looks back at me and says, “You know what? “You don’t know! You don’t know that this whole time that you thought that I didn’t know that you were peeing on me, I was actually cupping my hands like this. I have collected all of the pee that you have supposedly peed on me, and now it is going back in your face.”

And then he proceeds to splash my pee into my face. My pee. In my face.

Game recognizes game.

And so that’s how I know I married the right man.

Part of what’s interesting about this is that peeing in the shower is a fairly common point of controversy between partnered people.

Some people — this could be men or women, but I think it’s more often men — who are alone in there when they let fly think it’s an obvious an obvious time-saving convenience. Others think it’s unsanitary, gross, taboo.

It gets more complicated in the showering-together scenario. I’ve seen accounts of women who discovered that their man was trying to surreptitiously pee on them. Dude, what the fuck? That’s obviously a fetish he’s not willing to take ownership of. It’s also a consent violation, and no way to treat your partner.

Much more often, the scenario is closer to this one: the partner-pissing is done openly. But there’s still no consent for participation in his unacknowledged pee fetish, because the activity is masked as prank behavior, roughhousing, or horseplay between lovers. If she’s “a good sport” the dude never has to admit his fetish, get consent for it, or apologize for trying it out without permission. If he’s exceedingly lucky, she enjoys the play as much as he does and neither one of them has to communicate their needs and desires openly!

In all the years I’ve spent reading sex and couples blogs and subsequently on social media, I’ve seen quite a few “he peed on me in the shower!” stories. They usually had worse energy and ended less happily than this one.

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