ErosBlog

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January 21st, 2018 -- by Bacchus

Accurate But Expensive Palmistry

topless palm reading

Bawdy Blog imagines the reading is going pretty well:

“Let’s see… Your lechery line is connected to your fat wallet, your sensuality line (very thick!) is connected straight to your pecker, and you’re about to ask me for a private reading in my tent. How am I doing so far?”

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January 19th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

Valentines Sale 2018

I know it seems awfully early to be thinking about Valentines day gift ordering with the cold chill of late-mid January still holding much of the nation in its iron grip, but hearts-and-chocolates day with (hopefully) a bit of make-an-extra-effort even-better-than-usual sex will be upon us before you know it. And while I cheerfully acknowledge that ErosBlog was long ago surpassed by a crop of knowledgeable and ridiculously expert sex toy review bloggers as a place for getting genuinely detailed information about modern sex toys, I still feel remiss in my sex-blogger duties if I don’t alert you to the major highlights of the larger holiday blowout sex toy sales.

Since ErosBlog is not fundamentally a BDSM-focused publication, I’ll limit my sale picks on the kinky side of things to a couple of the most heavily-discounted, high-ticket items that offer you the biggest potential for major savings, before moving on to slightly-more-vanilla sex toys. The first kinky bargain I want to highlight is the Joanna Angel Bondage Essentials starter kit:

bondage essentials kit

The second kinky bargain is the Bolero straitjacket in festive holiday red leather. These are the special design that lets you tuck away your submissive’s arms without inhibiting access to her breasts:

leather bolero red

(I say “her” because the makers have somewhat-explicitly gendered this design; they offer a different Bolero for men, but it doesn’t come in red and it’s not on sale.)

Moving on from toys that are explicitly kinky, the sales still have plenty to offer! My absolute favorite seasonal goody has got to be the Naughty Candy Hearts butt plugs:

candy hearts buttplugs

Another good discount is on the KinkLab Mystic Vibe Wireless Vibrating Egg, which seems to have a lot of potential for couples fun, depending on who controls the remote:

remote control egg

I truly wish I’d gotten my hands on a review model of this toy before it came on sale, though, because quite a few years ago these sort of wireless eggs tended to have really weak radios and weren’t reliably responsive. KinkLab usually doesn’t anything that isn’t good, so I expect this one works as advertised. Anyway the advertising claim is impressive; they claim the remote can control the egg “from up to 10 meters away” “in an entirely different room”. That sounds good enough, anyway, to cover the really important use case, which is making your partner squirm on the other side of a table during dinner in a fancy restaurant!

Finally, because half the fun of V-Day sex is trying something new (at least if you’re dead sure it’s something both parties want to try, it’s never a good time to pull out all the gear for a surprise fantasy) I’m going to link you the Tantus Bend Over Harness Kit for Beginners, that comes with “everything a beginner sensuous player would need to strap it on” including a low-riding harness with adjustable nylons straps plus large and small silicone dildos:

strap-on dildo kit for beginners

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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January 18th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

A Celebrated Strap-On

The floral wreath around the tip of this strap-on dildo is intended, I imagine, to suggest that it is an award-winning tool, to which accolades are presumably due because of many fine orgasms skillfully and diligently delivered by means of its good offices:

strap-on dildo artwork

The artwork is one of those ornamental publishing details that used to appear throughout the pages of better-quality books. This one appeared in an edition of Pibrac: Quatrains érotiques de Pierre Louys. According to the source I’ve linked, the artist is not known for certain but is said by at least one source to be Berthommé Saint-André.

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January 17th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

Monsters Capture Girls From Audience

I was thinking this really sounded like the sort of performance my mad science aficionado-friend Dr. Faustus would enjoy until I got to the bottom of the poster. “Real live baby will be given away?” Uh, that’s not a selling point, people! “Walking? Ready to talk?” The best-case scenario here, short of outright fraud in the inducement, is that somebody in the audience wins a baby parrot…

monsters capture girls from audience

The essay Haunted Attractions And Spook Shows Of Yesteryear explains what was probably going on at the entertainment in question. A sort of vaudeville haunted house show with sleazy-carnie overtones, of a sort not seen in these modern times. Television killed the monsters capturing girls from the audience, it would seem…

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January 16th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

A Donkey Show In Paris, 1898

Look, you Frenchy. You can pretty this thing up however you want. You can hire a fancy artist by the name of Jules Grain with little dots over his last name to paint the poster for your fancy circus. You can call your shindig the “Red Donkey Literary Cabaret” until your cows come home. Line up your poets and singers and auteurs and directors, line them up in pretty ranks and wrap ribbons around their titties and cocks for all I care! But I am a man of the world. I have been to Old Mexico, and I know a donkey show when I see a poster for one pasted up on a wall. What you have here is fixin’ to be a donkey show or my name ain’t Cornelius P. Cornpone:

red donkey cabaret poster

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January 15th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

A Couple Of Topless Motorcycle Rides

In the world of Hypersexy (issues 21 and 23) there’s always a rough-looking biker willing to give a motorcycle ride to a nude and/or topless woman:

picking up a naked woman

riding away with a half nude woman

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January 14th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

I, Too, Am A Weary Walker

The painting Nymphs and Satyr by William-Adolphe Bouguereau has long played an important part in the iconography of Erosblog, so you may imagine my delight when I encountered the following rendition of it in a detail of a print of a newspaper cartoon at the “Museum Confidential” exhibit of the Philbrook Museum of Art in Tulsa Oklahoma, which museum I visited in the company of The Nymph and my good friend Dr. Faustus not so long ago. You’ll recognize the painting at once, I think:

Rendition of Nymphs and Satyrs by E.A. Filleau of Kansas City MO

Zooming out just a bit, here it is in the cartoonist’s imagined museum presentation:

framed cartoon version of nymphs and satyrs

The cartoon itself is quite deliciously meta, featuring a weary walker who just can’t seem to find that scenic spot, a sentiment with which I am in ultimate sympathy:

weary walker viewing Nymphs and Satyrs

The above is a crop from my cell phone photograph of a print under glass below harsh museum lights, so it’s not an ideal reproduction. Both above and in the uncropped version, there are bright lights reflecting from the glass. With a little looking I was able to find an online scan of a slightly different edition of the print, showing somewhat less detail, but also with fewer visual artifacts; that’s here.

This print is titled “Weary Walker At Art Exibit.” The artist is F.A. Filleau of Kansas City, Missouri; and the caption reads:

I’ve traveled the world over and tramped every spot on the map, but I’m damned if I can locate that brook.

Above, I referred to it as “a print of a newspaper cartoon” and my reason for doing so is a reference in a book called Peoria Stories (apropos a Nymphs and Satyrs copy purchased by a Peoria showman). Referencing the original Bouguereau artwork, the book discusses the period when the painting hung in the Hoffman House hotel in New York, and claims:

The painting gained even more popularity when it was caricatured in the local papers. The drawing depicts the work hanging in an art gallery as a man named “Weary Walker” stares longingly at the nymphs by the running water. “I’ve traveled the world over and tramped every spot on the map”, he muses, “but I be dammed [sic] if I can’t locate that brook.”

The minor differences in grammar, spelling, and captioning between the print exhibited at the Philbrook and the newspaper cartoon described in Peoria Stories makes me suspect that the print was a later publication, capitalizing on the popularity of the newspaper cartoon, and probably redrawn with improved artistry. If anybody who is a wizard with newspaper archives can turn up a copy of the original cartoon, you would surely earn a post and a place of honor in ErosBlog iconographic history!

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cupid