I’m not sure this is a look you ever want to see in such a moment:

My provenance on this art is a little shaky. I think (going by the name of the file in my Usenet download directory) that the artist name is Aguilera, and I know it’s part of a panel from a French-language comic. But I don’t have a title.

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From Calico Lane: the most sensible thing you are ever likely to read about the inherently nonsensical topic of anal bleaching. It doesn’t excerpt well, though, so no pull-quote — you just have to go read it.

(What I like best about Calico’s post, actually, is the long up-front conversation about “is this email for reals?” When you’ve been getting random reader mails on sexual topics for long enough, believe me, all the ones that don’t go straight to Recycle Bin go through a meta-analysis like that.)

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Thanks to the German Historical Institute we learn of a woodcut from the second half of the seventeenth century by one Abraham Bach, said to be part of a then “rapidly growing literature on the conditions of a happy marriage and on codes of behavior reinforced gender roles.”

“In the first scene of this two-part woodcut, a man beats his wife for being proud, impious, lazy, and drunk”:

“In the second scene, a woman beats her husband for gambling, drinking, gluttony, and chasing pretty girls.”

It’s a veritable 17th century Spencer Spanking Plan, I tell you!

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No sex in this post, just a funny/sad fraud spam from this morning’s email.

Usually I delete these — the ones that make it through my filters — based on the subject line alone, and this one would have been no challenge to do the same. The subject?

They say you can’t really run a good con on an honest person, and I guess this is proof. Not only is an honest person not going to be buying gold from email strangers, but the math on this one pretty much excludes response by anybody who might actually be interested in buying one hundred and seventy six kilograms of gold.

176kg of gold is, rounding up, 5659 troy ounces. At today’s gold price per Yahoo finance ($1014 ish per ounce [subsequent edit: more like $1390, see comments, all my numbers are significantly low because of this]) we are talking in the neighborhood of $5.7 million worth of gold. So it’s clear at a glance that this email is not offering a legitimate proposal. Nobody does that kind of business by cold email — NOBODY.

You’d have to be literally too stupid to breathe, to even open that email with purchase in mind. But if you’re just dumb enough to be curious who has 176kg of gold, and criminal enough to wonder whether they could be somehow relieved of it: hello sucker!

The attached email, of course, offers an advanced-payment scheme. Prepay six percent, and then by cumbersome miracles, the gold will be delivered to your “factory”, after which you can attempt to screw us poor hard-working African rubes out of the rest of our money, while you laugh about having “bought” $5.7 mill worth of gold for only $340,000:

Good morning dear sir,
dear i send you this proposal business to seek your partnership.
In fact, i represented a group of villagers ( extractors)in MALI
our speciality is to collect gold in dust( AU ) and find buyers
in europe ,asia and america.
dear sir, we have now in our office 176 kg of yellow gold if you are
interrest by this proposal this is the caracteristic of the product
Nature : Gold powder
quantity : 176 kg
Quality : 22 +karat
Purity : 97 %
Origin : MALI
we will discuss the price after your answer.

Dear sir this how we procced when we have a buyer:
1- the buyer come down in MALI to verify the gold,
after verify we make an agreement between the buyer and us
with the buyer we make all the certificates on his name and adress
for the exportation.
so the buyer pay 6 % of the total value there , and one of our
representative go with the buyer to his address and to finalyse the
payment.
2- if the buyer can’t come down in africa ,he send us all his details
and his pasport copy
he write us and aggrement and send us , we make certificates and
all documents by
the buyer name and one of our representative go with the gold to
his adress .
on his adress the buyer send the gold on the factory and verify all
and proceed to the payment.
3- if we have a contact we find us a buyer we will discuss with him
about his perrcentage
after selling.But he will assist during the proccess.
thank you.

The guy greedy and dumb enough to fall for this one? He’s gonna have the trip of a lifetime on his visit to Mali, I tell you what.

From Mind Hacks via Violet Blue comes word of a recent study indicating that women use sex noises tactically to influence the timing of (which is to say, speed up) male orgasm.

This manoeuvring of male behavior not only ensures the delivery of his ejaculate, but may also serve to end male copulatory effort under circumstances when the female is, for example, suffering discomfort or pain, boredom, fatigue, or simply does not have enough time for the encounter to last longer. Females appear to be fully conscious of the positive effects that their copulatory vocalizations have on male self-esteem and a very high percentage reported using them for this purpose.

Er, duh?

I guess there really are men so self-absorbed they think their dicks are always-on unstoppable plus-ten magic swords of orgasmic screaming. But the rest of us know that sex is a game of mutual — but, and this is important, not necessarily simultaneous — pleasure. It’s a Rumsfeldian game, too — you bring to the game the tools you’ve got, and you use them.

So, unless you’re one of those hopelessly self-absorbed men, you were already aware that sometimes, your lady is making those noises because she knows the pleasurable effect it has on you, and not because she can’t help herself. There’s nothing wrong with that — it’s just another tool of pleasure, like fingers or tongue or that thing in your sock drawer you bought last time you were in The City but haven’t shown her yet.

It sucks when your girlfriend needs a special diving jar just to come visit you:

From Adventures Of The Black Gang.

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Oh, I wish I had thought of this. Violet Blue did instead:

A Google Autocomplete Valentine

Love it love it love it.