There’s a new fetish map out there, and Franklin Veaux, its creator, says:

Some time ago, a person named Katharine Gates designed a map of human sexuality. … My first impression upon seeing this fetish map was that it was woefully incomplete. … I wanted to try my hand at designing a fetish map that would be a bit more complete than Ms. Gates’, and I thought, why not do it as an actual map? One of the ideas I wanted to convey was how small most folks’ sexual experience is, how small most folks’ conception of the whole range of sexual expression is, and how vast the actual range of sexual expression is. And, I thought, a map of an imaginary world might be a way to do that.

And how! The map is huge and well worth perusing. Here’s just one tiny detail:

Thanks to Violet Blue for the link.

I don’t do very many pure “go buy some shit” blog posts, because it’s very easy for sex blogs to go overboard that way. But sometimes I see something that’s just too deliciously bizarre not to point out.

Anyway, last night I went surfing to see what was new in sex toys, and what I discovered instead was new sexy stuff in the masks and BDSM hoods areas.

What caught my eyes in particular were these expensive, spectacular, and surreal leather bunny hoods, in black or white:

(Sadly the carrot dildo is not included.)

Continuing in the animal vein, check out this scary-but-very-handsome zippered dog-face hood:

You may or may not find these sexy, but you’ve got to admit they catch the eye!

From Junkbuzzed comes this fun-to-read account of dealing with an angry woman:

The next thing I hear is the clomp-clomp-clomp of angry woman footfalls striding away from me in ragtag contempt. I think about how grand it is, the affected gait of a woman slighted, and subsequently wonder if this precise non-verbal declaration of high dudgeon is perhaps a gender-imperative — in that, possessing of wider hips and longer legs, women are better built for spontaneous stomping fits, whereas we men, with our thin-hipped deportment are better suited to sadly trudging about. I make a mental note to write about this later, as another “ASSHOLE” is hurled from the other room like a wonky Russian warhead sold on the cheap to a republic that just formed last Tuesday. And the last thing to flutter across my consciousness is how many of history’s great tyrants had sleep apnea…

I wake up the next morning in a sheet of caked-over flop-sweat, and am immediately grateful that I was the first to rise. I take this time to clean and dress my wounds, as well as prepare for the Serious Talking-To that was sure to come with her waking. Which it does. Fortunately this particular talking-to does not seem to involve any spear-like instruments with which to strike at me.

This is not to say that she wasn’t incalculably unhappy with me. She in fact is sitting across from me, eyes drawn into puffy, sleep-deprived slits; legs crossed tighter than American credit lines; and her lower lip, jutted out not in petulance but in permanent, irretrievable sigh.

So I do what any man does when he knows he is wrong and is fresh out of loopholes, stratagems, and smokescreens: I fall on my sword. And when I fall on my sword, I go all out — I really make a show out of it. Because if she’s that mad at you, simple apologies aren’t really enough; she deserves a little entertainment for her trouble. So I flop about, wail, and generally carry on like flaming dipshit. This seems to appease her somewhat.

It’s worth reading the whole thing; there’s even an insight on the importance of cunnilingus.

That’s the only explanation I’ve come up with for the negative reaction to this very nice photo of Lily Cole, which is the cover of October’s French Playboy:

Go here to see a full-size picture, from Anorak.

The blog post kicks off with, “LILY Cole dresses like a nine-year-old on the cover of Playboy,” and asks readers if it’s perverted to look at women dressed as schoolgirls. Some say that it is……but, chaps, is she not in fact rather more undressed than most nine-year-olds would be? She is obviously lusciously curvy too, something most girls that young are not.

I thought Europeans were less squeamish about most kinds of roleplaying in sex…..and surely the schoolgirl look on a fullgrown woman is closer to kink than it is crime. I don’t go all cross-eyed and breathless over these kinds of pictures, but it’s still a great picture of a gorgeous woman and I’m just not seeing where all the fussing comes in.

Any time you are tempted to believe the bland assurances that government wiretapping (or any other broad surveillance) is strictly for purposes of national security, think about this story and remember that government employees are the same kind of monkeys the rest of us are — snoopy, gossipy, voyeuristic, and inclined to disregard “the rules” whenever it seems likely that we’ll get away with it. Which means, they will listen to your phone sex if you let them listen to anything that they don’t have to justify (individually, specifically, each and every time) to a skeptical judge:

Despite pledges by President George W. Bush and American intelligence officials to the contrary, hundreds of US citizens overseas have been eavesdropped on as they called friends and family back home, according to two former military intercept operators who worked at the giant National Security Agency (NSA) center in Fort Gordon, Georgia.

…

“These were just really everyday, average, ordinary Americans who happened to be in the Middle East, in our area of intercept and happened to be making these phone calls on satellite phones,” said Adrienne Kinne, a 31-year old US Army Reserves Arab linguist assigned to a special military program at the NSA’s Back Hall at Fort Gordon from November 2001 to 2003.

Kinne described the contents of the calls as “personal, private things with Americans who are not in any way, shape or form associated with anything to do with terrorism.”

She said US military officers, American journalists and American aid workers were routinely intercepted and “collected on” as they called their offices or homes in the United States.

…

Another intercept operator, former Navy Arab linguist, David Murfee Faulk, 39, said he and his fellow intercept operators listened into hundreds of Americans picked up using phones in Baghdad’s Green Zone from late 2003 to November 2007.

“Calling home to the United States, talking to their spouses, sometimes their girlfriends, sometimes one phone call following another,” said Faulk.

The accounts of the two former intercept operators, who have never met and did not know of the other’s allegations, provide the first inside look at the day to day operations of the huge and controversial US terrorist surveillance program.

…

Faulk says he and others in his section of the NSA facility at Fort Gordon routinely shared salacious or tantalizing phone calls that had been intercepted, alerting office mates to certain time codes of “cuts” that were available on each operator’s computer.

“Hey, check this out,” Faulk says he would be told, “there’s good phone sex or there’s some pillow talk, pull up this call, it’s really funny, go check it out. It would be some colonel making pillow talk and we would say, ‘Wow, this was crazy’,” Faulk told ABC News.

Spotted at Jezebel:

The National Enquirer is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears is with child again because she thought she couldn’t get pregnant while breast feeding. This is from the National Enquirer, so proverbial grain of salt, but they were right about that Edwards thing…

And we still have people in this country who think there’s too much sex education?

He looks like he thinks this is the best tackle he’s ever made: