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February 17th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Fly American, Steal A Wife

From much the same era, or perhaps a bit earlier, in which Chairman Mao was trying to swap away ten million women, we have American Airlines grousing about people stealing its friendly stewardesses. The following was captioned “People keep stealing our stewardesses.”

stewardess being kidnapped

And the explanation:

Within two years, most of our stewardesses will leave us for other men.

This isn’t surprising.

A girl who can smile for 5 and a half hours is hard to find.

Not to mention a wife who can remember what 124 people want for dinner.

(And tell you all about meteorology and jets, if that’s what you’re looking for in a woman.)

But these are not the things that brought on our problem.

It’s the kind of girl we hire. Being beautiful just isn’t enough.

(We don’t mean it isn’t important. We just mean it isn’t enough.)

So if there’s one thing we look for, it’s girls who like people. And you can’t do that and then tell them not to like people too much.

All you can do is put a new wing on your stewardess college to keep up with demand.

American Airlines

From Vintage Ads.

 
February 16th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Zoey Zane Versus Goonswarm

I pretty much ignored the sad story of Zoey Zane’s disappearance when it happened, because the press treatment was so disgusting and I didn’t have any useful insight on the story. However, I was pleased to see some hints of porn positivity in this article by Alan Scherstuhl in the Kansas City Pitch:

Here’s the victim in happier times. She’s spread across a beige bed in a beige room in what must be a beige apartment complex off a frontage road someplace. She wears a pink mesh top and black knee-highs but is otherwise exposed, with one leg scissored up and the other spread wide with gynecological bluntness. This is the point of the photo, of course, the only reason that it exists.

But that’s not what makes it arresting.

She’s grinning. She has slipped off her panties with a cheerful flourish, is waving them high above her head. The air blooms in them. There’s a blooming in her face, too, a look wholly unlike what we expect from women who make sex a performance or a business. [That’s a sad commentary on your expectations — Bacchus.] She looks pleased and surprised, the way you might if you somehow managed to yank away a tablecloth without disturbing the place settings.

She looks the way any of us look when we’re naked and goofy with someone we trust. Except better, of course. She looks better.

What? Porn girls can be happy? And the news has reached Kansas?

Sander’s death is shocking. But what isn’t is the fact that, in America Gone Wild, a “sweet, good kid” – as her grandfather described her to ABC – might take her clothes off for money and post her naked photos online. For half a century now, Hef’s Girls Next Door have been leaning nude on hay bales and stirring lemonade topless. Playboy bush is a perfect timeline of both the country’s increasing comfort with pornography and pornography’s corresponding discomfort with the natural. Before ’69, the magazine hid the bush entirely. When it appeared, it immediately began to thin, becoming less unruly every year – a patch, then a tuft, then a Velcro strip, then a sharp-lined eyebrow. And then, finally, to keep up with Penthouse and strippers and former Mouseketeer starlets, nothing at all.

The women changed elsewhere, too. Now they’re glazed over, poreless, their flesh like the caramel dripping in a candy-bar commercial. Breast implants are so common that a couple of times a year, Playboy publishes Natural Beauties as a sort of event: “real” as a fetish.

As the Girl Next Door goes, so – to an extent – goes the girl next door. Sander was shaved and tattooed, professionally tanned and pierced through the lip. But she still was “natural,” both in the categorical sense and in that real-girl essence that is the selling point of online amateurs. She looked real because that’s what she was: a real young woman trying – like so many of her peers – to look like a porn star.

The day-night writers prefer to think of Zoey Zane as someone separate from Emily Sander. But such real feeling pulses in that photograph of her grinning in that beige bedroom that it’s dishonest not to ask the hard questions. What if this is simply who she is? Who we are? At what point does pornography become documentary?

The article goes on to detail some of the tasteless internet “humor” that’s sprung up around Zoey Zane’s death, explaining it thusly: “Check any message board where Sander is discussed, and you’ll find yourself staring hard into an ugly truth: Many users of porn despise the women who turn them on.” Which may indeed be true; at least, it’s a theory we’ve discussed here in connection with ugly porn marketing tactics.

However, there’s still an obvious and gaping void between dead tree newspapers and the internet culture they sometimes try to report on. One might wish that Scherstuhl had seen this article in Wired Magazine, especially this bit:

If there’s one thing, though, that all these factions seem to agree on, it’s the philosophy summed up in a regularly invoked catchphrase: “The Internet is serious business.”

Look it up in the Encyclopedia Dramatica (a wikified lexicon of all things /b/) and you’ll find it defined as: “a phrase used to remind [the reader] that being mocked on the Internets is, in fact, the end of the world.” In short, “the Internet is serious business” means exactly the opposite of what it says. It encodes two truths held as self-evident by Goons and /b/tards alike – that nothing on the Internet is so serious it can’t be laughed at, and that nothing is so laughable as people who think otherwise.

To see the philosophy in action, skim the pages of Something Awful or Encyclopedia Dramatica, where it seems every pocket of the Web harbors objects of ridicule. Vampire goths with MySpace pages, white supremacist bloggers, self-diagnosed Asperger’s sufferers coming out to share their struggles with the online world – all these and many others have been found guilty of taking themselves seriously and condemned to crude but hilarious derision.

It’s certainly true enough that the folks abusing Zoe Zane’s memory don’t respect her. But what’s apparently not evident in Kansas is that they don’t respect anybody. There’s a whole internet subculture, prominent and youthful, that is aimed at self-importance and sacred cows and social propriety and any other sort of stuffed-shirtness they can find. They live for outrage, they think outrage is funny, and they don’t care what they have to tread on to get it. They are as distinctive in their online social presentation as, say, Goths are in their clothing. (Really, they are that distinctively easy to spot. Last night I dropped into a Team Fortress Two server they were infesting, and I could tell who was there by the offensive usernames and by the sound clips they were playing incessantly and in violation of that game’s social norms. Within two minutes, one of them had cried “The internet is serious business!” over his mike in response to somebody’s complaint about his behavior.)

Whatever you may think of the Serious Business Brigade (if you couldn’t tell, I don’t like them much because I treasure civility, which they tend to spit on) it’s pretty ignorant for a newspaper writer to Google up their spoors and write about them as generic internet users without, apparently, being aware that they exist as a distinct subculture.

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February 15th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Ten Million Women For Kissinger

I wish I could have seen the look on Kissinger’s face when Mao Zedong offered him ten million women during trade discussions in 1973:

“You know, China is a very poor country,” Mao said, according to a document released by the State Department’s historian office.

“We don’t have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands.”

A few minutes later, Mao circled back to the offer. “Do you want our Chinese women?” he asked. “We can give you 10 million.”

After Kissinger noted Mao was “improving his offer,” the chairman said, “We have too many women. … They give birth to children and our children are too many.”

“It is such a novel proposition,” Kissinger replied in his discussion with Mao in Beijing. “We will have to study it.”

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February 14th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Happy Valentine’s Day 2008

The Nymph and I celebrated early this year with a two-day excursion, spending a night in the big city in a nice hotel, getting a couple of good meals out in restaurants we enjoy, and going to some good movies.

For your Valentine’s card, how about this? It’s been my favorite twee Valentine’s Day image for at least a decade. I thought I had posted it some years ago, but I cannot find it anywhere in the archives, so, perhaps not.

I love it because it combines the usual over-sweet imagery of Victorian romantic love with just enough hint of pervery to cut through the sugar, like the squirt of lemon in your tea with honey:

bound and whipped with flowers

(If this looks strangely familiar to you, take a second look at the ErosBlog logo.)

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February 12th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Getting His Rims Polished

It will come as no surprise that men will lavish amazing amounts of money and attention on their rides. Still, my mind boggles at the amount of effort it must have taken for this car’s owner to train his girlfriend to do this:

woman polishing wheels with her tongue

(And now I have to run, The Nymph is chasing me with a couch cushion and yelling something about male pigs and dogs. I guess that means I’m not getting a topless car wash as a Valentine’s Day present?)

 
February 11th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Nun Showing A Nipple

No idea where this naughty nun illustration comes from, sorry:

the nipple nun

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February 10th, 2008 -- by Bacchus

Black And White And Cum All Over

Remember this vintage blowjob? Well, I’m pretty sure this picture from Vintage Lust is from the same series or photoset:

vintage blowjob with cum squirting everywhere

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cupid