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The Sex Blog Of Record
ErosBlog posts containing "sex toys"
April 22nd, 2019 -- by Bacchus
If you’re not a frequent and active user of adult webcam sites, their bewildering profusion these days and the wide variety of different business models under which they operate is likely to be at least a little bit confusing. So much so, in fact, that when you do feel the urge to spend a little time with a camgirl, you’ll probably benefit from using a reviews-and-ratings link like the one that opens this paragraph.
Just a few days ago I was thinking about how far the cams industry has come in the last twenty years, while I skimmed through Milo Minara’s classic camgirl graphic novel from 2000. It’s an adult comic book that’s very rarely seen and extremely hard to construct internet searches for, because it has the orthographically challenging title of “WWW.” Yes, “doubleyou-doubleyou-doubleyou-dot” is really the title!
Of course Manara’s 20th century vision of erotic camming is — in some ways — laughably quaint. It’s not just the tech, with its single camera the size of a grapefruit, snapping still photos that refresh every twenty seconds. There’s also major plot tension between the cam girls and their employer about whether they are just going to show tits and ass, or whether they need to show the camera some fully-exposed pink pussy as he is demanding. He also wants them to use sex toys for the customers, but — at least at the beginning of the book — this is unthinkable!
Economically, there’s no hint in this story of the ladies being independent, or having any share of the subscription money coming in. It’s made plain that they get well paid and kept in a nice Venice apartment. But their boss hectors them via the telephone with threats of bouncing them out of there, in an effort to get them to do racier stuff for the camera. It’s a far cry from the cheerfully-raunchy independent cam performers of today!
Of course pretty girls alone in a nice apartment along a seedy canal in Venice eventually attract attention from some unusual characters. Before you know it our exhibitionist heroines are doing all kinds of sexy shenanigans on camera to distract the subscribers from the odd goings-on in their apartment. Pussy shots are just the least of it:
That twenty-second refresh on the webcam becomes a plot point. The ladies learn that if they are doing something sexy enough when the camera redraws, nobody will question what happened previously. In order to hide various misdeeds and mishaps from their boss and the police, pretty soon it’s not just pink shows! They get out the sex toys, they do lesbian sex shows, they even stage a sort of “Weekend At Bernies” style posed orgy with a badly-the-worse-for-wear apartment intruder that they have conked on the head and are trying to discretely chuck out a window into the canal.
All in all, I’m glad that modern cam shows are so much more interactive, personal, and explicit (if that’s what you want and are willing to pay for) than they were a generation ago. But Manara’s vision of 1990s camming is comical, sexy, and (if you’re prone to that sort of thing) could make you nostalgic for the 20th-century internet.
January 18th, 2019 -- by Bacchus
Like it says in the ad: “The Recto Rotor is the only device that reaches the Vital Spot effectively. No other appliance is so constructed: none other able to reach the Vital Spot to such good purpose.” Yup, this lubricating dilator (fancy butt plug) will fix your prostrate “trouble” right up, in the most pleasurable fashion! I do purely love the way early sex toys got sold right out in plain sight as quack medical devices:
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January 12th, 2019 -- by Bacchus
There is a device marketed as an “oral sex toy for women” that consists of a bunch of soft mechanical tongues on a rotating wheel. The one shown here is a cheap Chinese knockoff, so I figure it’s only fair I stole their image from AliExpress:
My favorite sex toy retailer does not carry even the reputable brand of these things, which is a worrying hint — if we needed one — that the concept is dubious. But I’m not precisely equipped to evaluate the device properly myself. I did get offered review product once, but The Nymph, who would have been the product tester, made it clear that there was only one very hard way that mechanical tongues were getting near her erogenous zones:
Mind you, I didn’t necessarily consider this a deal breaker. But when I explored that line of conversation, it turns out that she was speaking entirely rhetorically. So in the end, we did not pursue the “oral sex toy for women” review opportunity.
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August 10th, 2018 -- by Bacchus
In a recent post about sex toys for men, I wrote: “Gentlemen, we’ve come a long way when it comes to new ways to spend money on ways to come!” It turns out that I wrote more truly than I knew. I’m old, so I remember when “The Fleshlight” was a single product, and a radical innovation in pocket pussies at that, mostly because it looked a little bit like a flashlight and was a little bit concealable and deniable, at least when you didn’t have it wrapped around your dick. That was back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and ErosBlog was new, when guys were a lot more sheepish about sex toys, and more prone to pretend they didn’t have any in the house. My, how time flies!
These days, “Fleshlight” is a famous brand and a broad product line — broader than I had realized. A new article at the sex toys and prostate pleasure site Mr. Racy reviews seven different male masturbators from Fleshlight alone:
If you are a bottom-line kind of guy, the overall winner and favorite Fleshlight toy recommended at Mr. Racy is the Fleshlight Ice, reviewed separately here. The Ice review is super-detailed, complete with what’s-in-the-box photos, detailed photos of the disassembled toy, cleaning instructions, and photos with a ruler to show all the crucial dimension.
Among the other Fleshlight masturbation toys reviewed at Mr. Racy is at least one that has seen a brief mention before here at ErosBlog, plus many I’ve never before seen nor even imagined. In the category of toys briefly mentioned before, we should include the caseless FleshSkins, which are Fleshlight’s most economical toy. The science-fiction design ethos is so strong in them that I once described them as looking “like something that came out of an alien growth tank that makes brightly-colored bioengineered hand grenades.”
Is that not freaky enough for you? We can go freakier! In fact, there’s an entire line of Fleshlight masturbators with outer orifices shaped specifically to freak you out. We know this because “Freak” is actually the name of the product line. And just how freaky are they? Don’t ask questions unless you want to know the answers! With that warning, and with no further ado, meet the Fleshlight “Zombie Mouth”:
Halloween is coming! Why shouldn’t you?
To wrap up, I have to admit that I’m not an expert on male masturbators. Among the ocean of sex toys that I’ve been sent over the years, there have been a few other masturbators, but never a Fleshlight. What I am something of an expert on is telling the difference between a genuinely helpful review (written to help you make a purchase, sure, but nonetheless packed with information) and useless empty blathering sales copy, of which too much infests the world these days. The Mr. Racy Fleshlight reviews are the best I’ve seen at delivering product information about the different Fleshlight models, and helping you sort through the complicated Fleshlight lineup.
March 10th, 2018 -- by Bacchus
I’ll say right up front that the sci-fi sex comic The Game by Erenisch is rather explicitly rapey, as the Dofantasy comics usually are; but its exploration of virtual-reality sex machines is potentially of interest quite aside from whether you have any time for well-drawn misogynistic futuristic worlds where women are enslaved sex toys and men are, predictably, beastly about that. These are some panels about the double-penetrating “Mechafork” and the double-dicked virtual Alien Invader who powers it:
A drop-down selection box in the fictional erotic VR software (not shown here) indicates additional selections for “Orc Raider”, “Mutant Stallion”, “Radioactive Slime”, “Tentacle Monster”, “Zombie Rapist”, and “Vampire Thrall”. Phew!
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February 18th, 2018 -- by Bacchus
If you have ever watched a little too much Japanese porn, or thumbed an Asian porn magazine and wistfully eyed the advertisements for the WILD sex toys in the back pages unlike anything available in this country, I’ve come across a website that might make you oddly happy (as long as you don’t mind some pretty hefty trans-Pacific shipping costs). I’m talking about Kanojo Toys and their amazing selection of masturbators, Tenga holes, sex dolls (silicone, plush, inflatable, or miniature), scent/smell fetish items and used panties, cosplay gear, DVDs, and items so bizarre the Kanojo people just dump them in a category they call “Fun Stuff”. (See, e.g., the “Ryoujoku Shame Graffiti Body Paint: Japanese porn-style insult writing crayons.”)
But none of this, my friends, is why I have called you all together here today. No, we’re here to marvel at a four-point-four pound slab of buttocks and feet called the Petan Hips DX Kneeling Onahole, which is helpfully subtitled “Japanese buttocks, feet fetish masturbator.” Marvel, I said, and I meant it:
There is a lot of very helpful sales copy to go with the photograph, although there may have been just a leetle teensey weensey bit of keyword stuffing going on:
“Ass realistic modeling” is what Tama Toys have put on the box and they couldn’t be more right! The Petan Hips DX Kneeling Onahole. You have two holes to choose from in this flat-bed masturbator, plus you can even slide yourself in between her awesome buttocks. Her pussy is lined with generous bumps the whole way, changing in intensity as the hole winds. Her butt hole, meanwhile, starts with some wider ribs, before squeezing you into a vice-like tunnel deep inside.
She is sitting on her knees, her cute little feet sticking out from underneath her ass (great if you also have a foot fetish). If you like a curvy ass, grip hard onto this butt, a deluxe rear waiting for your hands to hold it and your member to enter.
Perhaps the helpful and attractive banner will demonstrate the features of the product more clearly than translated marketing prose ever could:
I don’t want to sound like I’m mocking the person who would enjoy this toy, because I’m truly not. The extreme objectification inherent in these “chunks of bodies with holes in them” sex toys lends itself to extreme reactions; they are always going to strike some people as horrifying, sad, or macabre, while triggering positive fetish reactions (amputee fetish, doll fetish, rubber fetish, and more) in other people, even while simply working as sex toys for a third category. My primary reaction is the triggering of my “imp of the perverse” — I want to order these by the dozen, and distribute them (preferably with industrial adhesives) to posh slick surfaces at expensive addresses where they will shock the toffs and be difficult to be remove. But I recognize this as a highly individualized reaction, no more or less valid than any other. (I am no doubt fortunate, given pervasive surveillance these days, that I cannot afford to indulge my impish notions.)
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January 19th, 2018 -- by Bacchus
I know it seems awfully early to be thinking about Valentines day gift ordering with the cold chill of late-mid January still holding much of the nation in its iron grip, but hearts-and-chocolates day with (hopefully) a bit of make-an-extra-effort even-better-than-usual sex will be upon us before you know it. And while I cheerfully acknowledge that ErosBlog was long ago surpassed by a crop of knowledgeable and ridiculously expert sex toy review bloggers as a place for getting genuinely detailed information about modern sex toys, I still feel remiss in my sex-blogger duties if I don’t alert you to the major highlights of the larger holiday blowout sex toy sales.
Since ErosBlog is not fundamentally a BDSM-focused publication, I’ll limit my sale picks on the kinky side of things to a couple of the most heavily-discounted, high-ticket items that offer you the biggest potential for major savings, before moving on to slightly-more-vanilla sex toys. The first kinky bargain I want to highlight is the Joanna Angel Bondage Essentials starter kit:
The second kinky bargain is the Bolero straitjacket in festive holiday red leather. These are the special design that lets you tuck away your submissive’s arms without inhibiting access to her breasts:
(I say “her” because the makers have somewhat-explicitly gendered this design; they offer a different Bolero for men, but it doesn’t come in red and it’s not on sale.)
Moving on from toys that are explicitly kinky, the sales still have plenty to offer! My absolute favorite seasonal goody has got to be the Naughty Candy Hearts butt plugs:
Another good discount is on the KinkLab Mystic Vibe Wireless Vibrating Egg, which seems to have a lot of potential for couples fun, depending on who controls the remote:
I truly wish I’d gotten my hands on a review model of this toy before it came on sale, though, because quite a few years ago these sort of wireless eggs tended to have really weak radios and weren’t reliably responsive. KinkLab usually doesn’t anything that isn’t good, so I expect this one works as advertised. Anyway the advertising claim is impressive; they claim the remote can control the egg “from up to 10 meters away” “in an entirely different room”. That sounds good enough, anyway, to cover the really important use case, which is making your partner squirm on the other side of a table during dinner in a fancy restaurant!
Finally, because half the fun of V-Day sex is trying something new (at least if you’re dead sure it’s something both parties want to try, it’s never a good time to pull out all the gear for a surprise fantasy) I’m going to link you the Tantus Bend Over Harness Kit for Beginners, that comes with “everything a beginner sensuous player would need to strap it on” including a low-riding harness with adjustable nylons straps plus large and small silicone dildos:
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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