Rum, Buggery, The Lash, More Buggery

I know I must have at least one reader who wishes they could have joined the sailing navy and gotten buggered (frequently and repeatedly!) over a gun by a virile sailor:

But what’s really going on here? What is all this naval buggery in service of?

Turns out — and I could not make this up — this was from an actual 2008 billboard advertising the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard. I wonder what horny son-of-a-gun thought that was a good idea?

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To Milk A Dinosaur

Science fiction author Charlie Stross has a short story up on his site (you might want to read his preface first) that will be of interest to anybody fascinated by dinosaurs, sodomy, electro-ejaculation, or the peculiar phallic properties of the Muscovy duck. No, really:

“Nobody’s built an MRI scanner big enough for a half-ton juvenile raptor, and you can’t even sedate the beast and stick your arm up its anus to sex it by palpation — until they’ve gone through an entire life cycle and we’ve had a corpse to dissect we won’t know enough about Tyrannosaur anatomy to be sure if we’ve got it right. All we could go by at the time was comparative blood titres of testosterone and other androgens. Which is how we figured out that Brad was probably male, and should have a sack full of sperm to milk.

“Well.” She put her beer down. “We had a meeting about it on the Friday, discussing ways and means. Frank sat in on it — as our customer and the owner of the Museum he had every right to — and I should have realized he was taking notes. Why don’t you stick a shocker up its back passage? He asked. That works for most poultry. Which got us onto some reminiscences from when he was growing up on his dad’s farm, where they bred Muscovy ducks. And then onto some, um, strictly non-professional speculation of an increasingly prurient nature. As you can imagine, Frank was a man of god rather than science; his concern was strictly that we couldn’t use male stock in the proposed Jesus rodeo, lest the ladies and wee ones in the audience see something they shouldn’t. And he took a startlingly in-depth interest in the topic at hand.” She frowned furiously. “That should have tipped me off. But anyway, we agreed to try electrostimulus first, using a stimulator sized for bison.”

Enjoy!

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Anal Sex And Orgasms At Slate

I would be remiss if I did not link you to William Salatan’s article The Riddle of the Sphincter: Why do women who have anal sex get more orgasms?

The survey data is real; it’s the explanation that’s uncertain. So he lays out more than a dozen possible theories to explain the data, and it’s quite an interesting read:

9. Love and trust cause orgasms and anal sex.

One woman writes:

The more I love and trust someone, the more likely I am to have an orgasm while with him–and the more likely I am to be okay with pushing society’s “norms” with him. Similarly, the more he proves that he knows what he’s doing, the more likely I am to let him do something that could potentially really, really hurt me.

This is the most uplifting theory. It implies that the sample of women who report regular anal sex is heavily biased toward intimate relationships. The data strongly support this. Compared with women who are single and dating, women in a relationship are only about 50 percent more likely, at best, to report vaginal sex in the last 90 days. But they’re two to three times more likely to report anal sex. And women who live with their boyfriends are more likely to report anal sex–but not more likely to report vaginal sex–than women who don’t. Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment.

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