Big Zucchini

Sometimes the zucchinis in your garden get so huge, there’s not much point in picking them: they’re tough and seedy and just not very attractive to eat, even by the low standards of zucchini generally. So, what are they good for? This avid gardener has thought of something.

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They Call Her “Jeannie The Zucchini”

And now, in honor of the fact that yesterday for the first time in my life I ate a dish containing cooked zucchini that was not entirely disgusting, allow me to present:

Girl With Zucchini Up Her Butt

No, that’s not the one I ate. Perv you very much for asking.

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Tumbled Cumshot Porn

I was running through a vein of Tumblrs this morning with a lot of cumshot porn that I can’t or won’t put here for various reasons. But then I thought, for what better reason did God in His Earthly Avatar Tim Berners-Lee implement the hyperlink?

• This one made me laugh. She’s got a zucchini to masturbate with, and she’s not afraid to use it. And judging by the mess, he really likes to watch.
• Two sleepy-looking girls in this photo are trying to lick the last drop of goodness out of this man’s cock. It’s the sort of scene most men figure they’ll never see even once in their lives. It’s not that you couldn’t arrange a threesome — that can be done if you’re some combination of smooth and handsome and lucky and rich — but setting a scene that relaxed and loving? Not easy.
• On the other hand, these two girls are just about to get the flavor and it looks like they are expecting something like liquified dog poo mixed with apple-scented dish detergent. Ladies, if you’re hating the idea so much, why are you there?
• There’s a ton of fake cumshot porn out there where the ladies are drizzled with various mixtures of condensed milk, cornstarch, and so on; you can Google fake jizz recipes. Something about these two girls makes me think they vamped themselves up in the kitchen and posed for this shot to torture an absent young feller. It’s just got that “I’m posing for my facebook and my head is turned because my arm is stretched out with the camera in my hand” feel to it:

  

• Here we have an over-capacity and overflow issue. And yet he’s still pumping!
• This right here is the ultimate “happy girlfriend” post-blowjob look. I’m not saying there isn’t a professional photog out there who can’t get a paid model to look like that (that’s why we call them “professionals”) but I am saying it’s why people put so much time and effort into looking for real amateur porn on the web.
• Aaaiiieeee! It burns!

I could go on like this for hours, but that’s enough to get started with.

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Novel Use For Surplus Zucchini

Did I just write “surplus zucchini?” I repeat myself.

Have twice refused well-intentioned gifts of zucchini and squash in just the past week, I can testify that it’s the time of year when surplus zucchini bags itself up and roams the neighborhood, looking for unguarded porches to colonize. There’s a modern American folk tale in common currency about the man so desperate to rid himself of surplus zucchini that he bagged it up and left it in his unlocked car in a busy parking lot, hoping someone would steal it. When he came back, what did he find? Why, three bags of zucchini!

Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it.

Proof: This post at Spanking Blog. Click the first link in the post for the most graphic demonstration one could hope for.

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