The Happier Man
Judging by the number of “how can I get my wife to…” emails I’ve gotten over the years (answer: “Der… ask her maybe? Beg?”), there are a lot of households out there where this scenario could easily play out, more or less as written:
Bend over and grab your ankles.
What in the fuck is that?
Don’t play dumb. I’ve seen the bookmarks on your computer; you know exactly what this is. Now bend over and grab your ankles.
Those bookmarks don’t mean anything. It’s just crazy guy stuff. Just fantasy stuff. Not real.
Is that why you’re forking out all those credit card payments for memberships? I’m not an idiot, so don’t screw with me. Do it!
I don’t want to. I don’t want to do it for real.
Well, I really don’t give a shit if you want to do it for real. Quit your lying, quit your whining and bend over and grab your goddamn, fucking ankles!
I’m getting dressed and leaving. This is crazy. You’re crazy.
Is that what you want? You really want to leave? You really are going to pass this up?
What are you doing? Stop it?
Why? What’s wrong with me rubbing my girl cock up against your boy cock? Doesn’t that feel nice? Think how good it would feel to take it up the ass.
Stop it.
You don’t want me to stop it. Look: your boy cock is trying to grow nice and big like my big black leather one. I think it likes it.
It’s because your rubbing it with that stupid … that stupid thing. It’s friction. Of course, it’s going to react. I am a guy, after all. What do you expect?
I expect you to bend over and grab your ankles. You know you want to, so just do it.
I, um, I ….
Come on, just do it. I’ll just rub it up the crack. Come on, bend over.
Okay, I’ll let you play this stupid game. But don’t you dare try to put it in.
That’s good. Now lean shoulders into the ottoman so you don’t lose your balance, and grab your ankles. That’s it, like that. Just like that.
Which reminds me — Mistress Matisse had some trenchant advice recently for a man who wishes he was the star of that scenario above:
If you’re putting as much effort into making this idea attractive to your wife as you did in writing this email, I can see why she’s not going for the idea. I suggest you spend some time considering what’s in it for her to fulfill your fantasy. Is she going to get lots of orgasms? Or a long foot massage and dinner cooked for her? Or a new pair of Salvatore Ferragamo shoes? I think she should get all three, but that’s just me. Figure out what she wants, and give it to her. Then see about getting what you want.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=2846
Kind of reminds me of this joke I heard – What’s the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball? A man will take time to look for the golf ball.
>I think she should get all three, but that’s just me. Figure out what she wants, and give it to her. Then see about getting what you want.
Serve and pamper a woman, don’t forget to shower her with designer-name gifts, and maybe she’ll throw you a bone, so to speak. A typical and disturbing attitude!
Oooh, er, ah…
Nope. Not going there. I’ll let somebody else tell him.
Yes please somebody tell him. I don’t see what he did wrong there and I’d like to know. (I’m a relatively young inexperienced guy).
To me this sounds like the subliminal message to every jewelry commercial I’ve ever seen. “Serve and pamper a woman, don’t forget to shower her with designer-name gifts, and maybe she’ll throw you a bone, so to speak”
If it’s a truly a gift you shouldn’t expect something in return, if you get something that’s icing on the cake.
Nobody, Mistress Matisse is not a “typical” woman. She’s a professional dominatrix, which (of course!) colors her world-view. I just about fell off my chair laughing to see her views called “typical”.
Mind you, I’m with her on this one. A man who wants his wife to do something deeply kinky that she isn’t interested in doing really could do worse that making sure she’s “getting what she wants”, whether it’s emotional or material. Life, even married life, is a series of transactions. And in my experience, a happy woman is more likely to be sexually generous than an unhappy one. What makes her happy is almost irrelevant if you are goal-oriented.
I shoulda had a V8. I didn’t notice the author of post you were talking about was Mistress Matisse, so I was confused. I though he had gone off an painted woman kind with the broad brush of stereotype and stepped across some invisible line that I was unaware of.
He did step across an invisible line, its known as: “don’t insult a dominatrix unless you are willing to accept the consequences”
I do believe he should be punished for calling Mistress typical, she is anything but. ;)