Bad Sex Advice, Summarized
So I was looking at this random adult blog, trying to decide whether to do my usual link-and-quote. The blog itself was mostly a porn blog, with a list of affiliate links six times bigger than the blogroll, plus a lot of random porn pictures. Some of the articles were interesting, but many of them had a fakey “this-reads-like-it-was-written-by-a-man-even-though-the-author-name-is-female” feel. Then I got to an article which purported to be a how-to on the fine art of fingering a woman.
It looked promising. Started out strong, with several hints and tips I’ve used myself to good effect. Lots of advice on finding her G-spot and making it go all bumpy-happy. So far so good.
In the middle part, the advice got a bit questionable. Not the substance of it (obviously if she’s dry, you’d better stop rubbing like a madman, unless you are trying to give her a burn) but the tone. (Was it really necessary to call the reader a moron?)
And then I got to the punchline. After paragraphs and paragraphs of how-to material, the breezy warning (paraphrased): “Of course your lady won’t ever get an orgasm from this, but who cares? She’ll love it anyway.”
Gasp, sputter. She’s not supposed to come when I do that? I must have been going about it all wrong.
It must be true: them as can’t do, teach.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1236
No matter how good or wonderful my orgasm is if my partner doesn’t share it then I’ve failed.
But selfish louts are probably a good target market for a site with lots of porn affiliate links.
OK, but what is the url of his strange site ? :P
Apparently I wasn’t clear enough about the fact that I was *deliberately* not including a URL. It’s contrary to ErosBlog editorial policy to link to *bad* sex advice.
But what if we WANT bad sex advice? What if we’re sick and tired of doing it the right way and want to see how the other half does it?
Oh wait. Nevermind. B^)
We always want to come. We don’t love it, or you, if we don’t.
I’d like to use my fingers to smack the crap out of people who give advice like that.
Here’s some advice – we are not televisions, do not adjust us like we are. Don’t just jam fingers into our pussies and futz around like you’re sticking your fingers into a jar of strawberry jam either. The concept is that it should feel good having fingers in our pussies, or why would you have them there?
Just to back up Freya’s statement… it’s also not a competition to see how many fingers you can fit up there. Overstratching *hurts*! One is fine. Two is great. Three is just compensating.
Athena, some of us like bunches and bunches of fingers! Then again, I also have pretty insensitive nipples, so you have to get a bit rough with them.
Moral? All women are different, and ASK!
And apparently the people fingering me have been going about it all wrong as well…I keep having those pesky orgasms…*grin*
no really…… i DO want to know what this site was…… sounds hilarious. please tell us, even if it is only so we can point the finger of fun!
Hahaha… I would have spent many nights driving around with one hand in vain if this were true. I mean, come on – boy scout salute, rub in circles, boom!
Sounds like this guy couldn’t handle his hand cramping up a little bit. I’ve NEVER known a girl (in my massive, massive experience of probably four or five) who couldn’t get off somehow from fingering, whether they only came through penetration or came most easily through clitoral stimulation.
And what bad advice for budding fingerers! When I started fingering girls, I had no idea what was going on, and reading a guide that said “She won’t come, so don’t worry about it” would have been unencouraging at the least. Fortunately, that was back when the Internet was young and the sex guides were mostly accurate and free.
LOL – freya’s comment reminds me of something that happened when I was a first-year university student. My boyfriend & I were sitting on the couch watching a Robin Williams comedy special. In this special, Robin gives advise to men about playing with women’s nipples. He advises against twisting them as if they were radio dials – “Hello, Radio Free Europe!!” (oh dear, does that date me??)
I laughed my ass off — and after that special, my boyfriend (who did indeed twist them painfully like that) started treating them more gently.
Thank you, Robin Williams!