Many many MANY years ago, before the internet became king, I had a paper mail-order sex toys catalog from a store in Minnesota called Smitten Kitten. Apparently they are still going strong, because word comes of some activists who bought a whole box of clearance dildos there recently to throw at ICE agents and their police protection.

box of discount dildos from Smitten Kitten

We were standing inside Smitten Kitten like lunatics planning the world’s dumbest coup. The place glowed like a queer cathedral built by horny anarchists. … We explained that we were bulk-buying dozens of dildos because we intended to psychologically dismantle a federal law enforcement agency at a hotel protest.

Fast forward:

The first dildo flew through the air like a rubber prophecy and skidded to a stop directly at the boots of a state trooper.

And that’s when the United States government lost its entire fucking mind.

Before anyone could even laugh properly, before a second dildo could achieve liftoff, before reality had time to process the absurdity of what had just happened, the cops panicked like Victorian men seeing an ankle.

Tear gas.

Pepper balls.

Instant chaos.

The very first rubber dick to touch government-issued leather boots triggered a full-blown chemical weapons response. That is not metaphor. That is not exaggeration. That is a literal sentence that happened in America in 2026.

dildo toss

The story continues:

Through my tear-blurred vision, I saw them.

The dildos.

Just sitting there.

Mocking them.

The cops stood there, choking us, shooting pepper balls at people holding noise makers and rubber penises, desperately trying to reassert dominance over pieces of silicone that had emotionally defeated them in under sixty seconds. They couldn’t pick them up. They couldn’t leave them there. They couldn’t kick them away without becoming a meme. So they did what every insecure authoritarian does when confronted with humiliation.

They escalated.

There’s more in this vein, and more photos:

dildo helmet

But you have at least a sense of the piece. A dildo action, and a clever bit of memetic engineering. Praxis!

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