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December 27th, 2019 -- by Bacchus

An Interruption Of Seals

When you’re making whoopie on an air mattress in Antarctica, it pays to remember that you’re vulnerable to being joined in your chilly trysting by an over-friendly seal:

Antarctic nookie interrupted by angry seal

Artwork is an illustration by Charles Copeland from the July 1964 Stag magazine, illustrating an excerpt from the book Quick, Before It Melts. A movie was later based on the book.

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December 25th, 2019 -- by Bacchus

Nymphs With Presents

anal slumber party at Christmas for three lesbian dildo babes

I was gonna blog something else this morning, but a bunch of nymphs are unwrapping presents under my tree and I think things are about to get real interesting. Merry Christmas!

The festive dildo nymphs are featured in Anal Girls Christmas Slumber Party from Everything Butt, a Kink Unlimited channel. It gets pretty crazy; I hope they have wipes.

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December 23rd, 2019 -- by Bacchus

Marine Mammals, We

Next time somebody invites you skinny-dipping in the surf at midnight, go. But take a waterproof camera with a good flash. The world will thank you.

Provenance on this one is uncertain; it was all over porn-Tumblr back when that was a thing. Now it survives in random strange places like the user-uploaded “Pussy Pics Mix 77” at ImageFap.

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December 22nd, 2019 -- by Bacchus

The Self-Unwrapping, Self-Orgasming Present

Many a man has enjoyed the fantasy of finding a sexy naked lady wrapped up in a present under his Christmas tree. I wonder, though, how lazy a man has to be for his mind to come up with “…and wouldn’t it be awesome if she unwrapped herself from inside the package? And if she was riding a sex machine at the time? So she had a long series of orgasms while I watched, but I didn’t have to lift a finger?”

cherry torn wrapped up as a present and riding a sybian

christmas present cherry torn has many orgasms on a sex machine

Lazy or not, that precise fantasy was the holiday bonus update scenario offered by Fucking Machines a decade ago, back in 2009. The self-unwrapping, helplessly self-orgasming gift girl was Cherry Torn. Fucking Machines is these days a channel at Kink Unlimited.

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December 21st, 2019 -- by Bacchus

Phone Sex: Calling It In

I gotta say right up front: I have not sampled the conversational wares at 1-800-phonesex.com. My Nymph takes a robust stance on monogamy, and in her view, sharing my sexual fantasies over the phone with a stranger would violate our mutual commitment to it. She is aware, I assume, that there’s zero risk to our relationship from a conversation of that sort with a paid professional conversationalist. But there are rules in life, and these are hers.

No matter. Phone sex is more fascinating to me anyway because of the durability of its business model. Commercial phone sex has been around since the 1970s; the porn magazine High Society is said to have set up the first phone sex line during the Carter administration. It survived, after a few high-flying years, a crackdown on adult content by the big phone companies who used to do the billing for those infamous 1-900 numbers. It survived the rise of the internet; and it even survived the complete elimination of 1-900 billing by the last phone company willing to do it, half a dozen years ago. People like phone sex and they don’t mind paying for it, even in 2019.

This shouldn’t be a surprise. There’s a lot of loneliness in the world. What could be nicer than calling a number and having a sexy voice on the other end who is ready to play along with whatever raunchy sexual scenario you feel like sharing? And who is, in all likelihood, a practiced and professional roleplayer, somebody more skilled than you can believe at painting startling and delightful details onto your rough erotic sketches?

Hell yah that business model survives:

1-800-phone-sex screenshot

But it is 2019, and without going all “kids these days” on you, there’s a bit of evidence that younger demographics may benefit from pointers about how to make the most of a paid-by-the-minute erotic phone call. Smart operators have some surprisingly good “before you call” information on their websites these days, which is not a thing one ever saw in “back in the day” print advertising or its early web equivalent. The 1-800-phonesex people offer not only a pretty good “Phone Sex Guide” linked from the bottom of their front page, but also a set of “Phone Sex Tips” that read remarkably like something you might once have found in a better men’s magazine. There are even some transcripts billed as being records of real phone sex calls, which make interesting reading if you’re unsure how this kind of call might go.

This drollery from the intro to the phone sex guide made me laugh:

Exploring your deepest fantasies with someone who has made a career of accepting those fantasies should be something that you allow of yourself. If you’re still hesitant, don’t worry. We can hold your hand through this! Metaphorically, of course. You’re going to need your hands.

Yes, indeed! If you don’t need at least one of your hands, you’re probably not doing it right…

phone sex banner

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December 20th, 2019 -- by Bacchus

Twitter Search Invisibility For Syren De Mer, Porn Megastar

It feels like a very long time ago that I wrote the post Google’s Mechanical Prude, documenting how Google’s then-new autocomplete search-suggestion feature ignored your settings (if you had asked Google not to impose its censorious “Safe Search” on your search results) and used a bunch of stop words to avoid suggestion porn, nudity, or popular adult performers. It feels like a very long time ago because it was eleven years ago, in 2008. Of course, Google never backed down from that then-cutting-edge bit of search-invisibility engineering. One ludicrous example I documented back in 2008 was that Google autocomplete refused to comprehend or to admit that searching for “Jenna Jameson nude” was a thing that people might want to do. And today, in 2019, Google is still sticking to those ancient prudish guns:

Google search autocomplete screenshot still refusing to admit that Jenna Jameson was ever nude

That investigation was perhaps the genesis for my hatred and horror of search invisibility as a #pornocalypse tactic. It feels totalitarian and epistemologically violent to me. People search for a thing. The robot assistants who operate so smoothly we barely notice them: those helpful bastards blandly pretend that the thing we want doesn’t exist and never existed. It’s insidious, it’s dangerous, and it’s intolerable. It’s also unaccountable, and we have no real way to protest or demand better searches.

Today’s post, however, is not about Google. It’s about Twitter. Search invisibility on Twitter is hardly a new thing, to be sure. It’s been a sometimes “feature” of the poorly-understood shadow bans that have plagued adult performers and sex bloggers on Twitter for years, though denied by Twitter until the recent release of their new 2020 terms of service incorporating shadowbanning as normal practice. Yesterday, however, I discovered a new-to-me type of search invisibility on Twitter. (I say “new to me” because some accounts of shadow banning had previously reported this dysfunctionality, but I never saw it when I myself was shadowbanned.) Specifically, the autocomplete search function that we all rely upon when we are trying to “at” somebody appears to have some disfavored Twitter users whose user IDs are not autocompleted. My discovery exemplar, surprise surprise, is an adult (porn) megastar with 172,000 followers. Gee, I wonder why she’s been invisibilized? I don’t know … but there’s a pornocalypse stench to it, don’t you think?

Here are my receipts.

Yesterday, I went to tweet about a lighthearted Christmas femdom shoot featuring Syren De Mer taking extreme liberties with a hapless Santa. I knew she was on Twitter but I didn’t know her username, so I just dove in with my “at” symbol and the first three letters of her name:

10 results, no syren

At this point there are ten results in the drop-down autosuggest box, although we only see five (without scrolling) in the screenshot. None of them are for Syren. Not really a surprise; we are only three letters in. Moving on.

And on and on and on… By the time I get all the way out to “@SyrenDeM” we are down to just two suggestions:

2 results, no syren

That second result looks like a possible hit; it’s @SyrenDeMerX. But no; if you look at the account profile, it’s a low-activity fake or tribute account, dating to 2014-2015 exclusively, consisting mostly of porn retweets. Let’s keep typing:

No syren

Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Her true Twitter handle is @SyrenDemerXXX, which is a 10-years-old but still-currently-active account with her OnlyFans and her agency booking info in her profile. But when we type it all the way out to one letter short of the full user ID, Twitter is still stalwartly maintaining that it has never heard of her. @SyrenDeMerXXX? Who dat?

If this is a “regular” shadowbanning “feature” that Syren is currently suffering under, the behavior might be gone by the time you attempt to confirm or replicate it. Shadowbans are notoriously fickle; they come and they go. Or maybe she’s on some hitherto undiscovered permanent pornocalypse Twitter username blacklist aimed at adult performers. Does it really matter? This is a woman with 172,000 followers on Twitter, suggesting that she’s somebody that a lot of people want to hear from. But if you try to type her Twitter username, Twitter does its best to pretend that she doesn’t exist. The reason doesn’t really matter; the result is fucking shameful.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Syren De Mer is not just blacklisted in Twitter’s user search engine. She’s also on Google’s autocomplete search-suggest blacklist, just like Violet Blue was when I wrote Pornocalypse Comes For Your Keyword Searches back in 2015. Violet now appears to have escaped from Google jail, but Syren is very much in it, even when I’m logged into my Google Account with so-called “Safe Search” turned off:

Google refusing to suggest Syren De Mer in autocomplete search suggestions

This is a woman, mind you, with 12.7 million search results currently in the Google web database:

more than twelve million search results for Syren De Mer

If that doesn’t make you wonder what else Google and Twitter refuse to show you when you search for it, you’re not a very curious person. And if having to wonder about it doesn’t horrify or concern you, I truly worry about your capacity for imagination, empathy, and self-preservation in the information age.

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December 19th, 2019 -- by Bacchus

Santa Got Caught

Santa Claus isn’t human, but he does make mistakes. And he made a big one when he got caught making a delivery to Syren de Mer’s well-equipped dominatrix dungeon.

Santa Claus bondage: gagged and bound

Hold on. On second thought, was it really a mistake? Or is Santa crazy like a fox?

facesitting Santa femdom

facesitting santa dominatrix

Whatever else he is, Santa is almost certainly immortal. That means that a dominatrix sitting on his face doesn’t have to worry whether he can catch his breath:

Santa Claus licks femdom pussy

A right jolly old elf he may be, but it looks like Santa still knows how to use his tongue:

femdom smothering santa with her pussy

And that is the story of how Syren de Mer and Santa Claus had a merry Christmas together.

Photos are from Santa Gets Got: Syren de Mer Catches Dale Savage in Her Dungeon. Thanks to Divine Bitches, which is a Kink Unlimited channel.

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