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The Sex Blog Of Record
January 25th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
I’m still having fun mining The Merry Muses Of Caledonia for short bawdy poems by Robert Burns. There are long ones in there too, but I find them more, ah, impenetrable due to Scots dialect issues. This one offers no such difficulties:
Supper isna Ready
Roseberry to his lady says,
“My hinnie an my succour,
“O shall we dae the thing you ken,
“Or shall we tak oor supper?”
Wi modest face, sae fou o grace,
Replied the bonny lady;
“My noble lord dae as you please,
“But supper is na ready.”
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January 24th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
In this story from Tumblr, “Dale” clearly needs a remedial refresher course about the rule of crazy, and where a wise man does not put his dick in respect to it. But nonetheless, I’d say his problem-solving skills are up to scratch even if his negotiating techniques could use some work:
Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious. Here goes.
So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.
So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over.” Things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house. She locked herself in Dales room.
So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape.
And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…
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January 23rd, 2017 -- by Bacchus
When I woke up this morning, my subconscious mind was already wrangling with the poetical details of a series of limericks. It seems grandiose to call this short sequence of lowbrow verses a cycle, but that’s truly what it is: three of the limericks (so far) focus on the comic tale of a certain prominent man in a fancy hotel room in Moscow, alone but for Putin’s cameras and some well-hydrated women “of a low level of social responsibility.”
For a variety of reasons, I’m uncertain whether I should actually post the resulting pee-cycle. I am therefore imposing upon myself (and upon my own questionable judgment) a very low challenge barrier. Here it is: if I get three more pledges (at any level) in support of the ErosBlog Patreon campaign before Tuesday, January 31, 2017, I’ll post the limericks on that day. If I don’t? Then I won’t.
Are there least three people, each having a dollar or more to spare, who would like to see a few verses of lowbrow liquid lampoonery?
If not, that’s a good reason to keep this pissy doggerel to myself.
Meanwhile, here is a tangentially related limerick that spun out of my fingertips while I was writing down the pee ones (which are much funnier, I promise.) This one got rejected from the cycle due to humorlessness and a technical lack of subject-matter relevance:
An old billionaire dickhead named Don
Likes to grab women’s cunts — and hang on.
“They don’t stop me, the bitches!
Because I have riches…”
Says the rapist who thinks he’s Don Juan.
If you want more and better, you know what to do…
February 1 update: The people have (not) spoken. The Pee Cycle will not be published. However, I can refuse my existing patrons nothing. If you are a Patreon supporter of ErosBlog who wants to see these limericks, please email me (bacchus@erosblog.com) and ask. I’ll fix you right up!
February 2018 update: Still not a peep from the people. Wow, I seriously misunderestimated the revulsion of the populace at the mere prospect of this fine literachure. I may go to my grave with this little .txt file still on my hard drives. Let it be a problem for my literary executor. Um… On second thought, maybe I will publish it in celebration if the Russkis ever release the video. We’ll see.
2021 update: Since the old mope can’t stop denial-confessing to this kink, I should remind everybody that it’s never too late to support me on Patreon and then email me for your copy of the Pee Cycle.
January 22nd, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Women-in-prison movie scenes cross multiple genres of what we oldsters still sometimes call “film”. From PG-13 thrillers to grindhouse sexploitation to straight-up porn, such scenes always find an audience. This screenshot is from the porny end of the spectrum, being from 2014’s Prison Lesbians by director Dana Vespoli and Sweetheart Video:
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January 21st, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Here’s a headshot of the young Shelley Graham, more famously known as Georgina Spelvin, the star of The Devil In Miss Jones:
From Head Shots of Future Adult Film Stars at The Rialto Report.
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January 20th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
This is no shit! Our naked dude was a crewman of a PBY (those were big-assed flying boats with a long range and a lot of machine guns) during WWII. They landed to pick a wounded guy out of the water, and so he shucked his clothes for the rescue swimming. By the time he got back in the plane, they were under fire. If you’ve ever seen a PBY (or any other flying boat) take off, it’s a painfully slow lumbering process, with no dodging allowed. So naturally enough, our man jumped back on his machine gun as soon as he could, not taking the time to put his pants on.
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January 19th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
It’s time for another timely reminder that the credit card companies are why we can’t have nice adult things online. Well, to be fair, I suppose it’s the credit card companies and their shadowy political masters. Like that makes it better?
Start with some background. This post is about FetLife, a famous social media platform for kinky people that (despite its reputation for having some serious flaws) leveraged its early-mover status into a lock on its market segment. FetLife is by all accounts the place for kinky people to congregate online.
You’ve never seen much on ErosBlog about FetLife or about the goings-on there, because nothing that happens on Fetlife is visible on the open web. You have to join up and be logged in to see anything there, which makes the site not part of the internet as far as I’m concerned. As I explained more than seven years ago:
When I’m blogging, I’m swimming in an ocean of material, trying not to drown in it. There’s more published every minute than I could read in a month – and that’s just on the “open” internet, the part where the links work for everyone and there aren’t any passwords or secret knocks.
By policy, I don’t even try to read or look at anything that’s friendslocked or passworded or semi-private. Anything like that is symbolically flagged “this is not for the whole world to see.” And I’m a blogger who can’t even manage to skim all the public stuff that’s out there. Why would I waste my time getting permission to look at controlled stuff, and then actually looking at that stuff, when I don’t even have time to look at all the open stuff that I need to see every day?
I conceptualize anything that’s behind an access control as being dead information, not part of the live internet and thus not part of my conceptual realm. I don’t have time for it and I don’t have room for it in my head. It might as well not exist for me, because knowing stuff I can’t blog about is only going to make my blogging life more difficult, never richer or easier.
It turns out there was a #Pornocalypse-inspired massacre at FetLife recently, with thousands of fetish categories deleted without notice and without (at first) any explanation. Violet Blue explains it this way:
Recent censorship enacted at FetLife is the result of financial discrimination by multiple credit card processors who have ceased business with FetLife for what the processors claim are “Illegal or Immoral” reasons. It began for users one week ago when FetLife announced changes to content guidelines, stating “We can no longer allow FetLifers to publicly share sexual pics and vids containing blood visible in them.” Then without warning, Fetlife deleted hundreds of groups and literally thousands of fetish categories that represented a range of kinky communities (like ones with hypnosis, blood, and humiliation in the name). This was in response to to significant pressure from FetLife’s credit card processor.
Although I try to reserve the word “censorship” for situations when the government attacks our speech freedoms, it’s not clear that Violet’s word choice isn’t correct in this case. The lame explanations allegedly provided by the credit card company to FetLife’s processing bank have the stench of Operation Choke Point about them. That’s the secretive program run by the US Department of Justice to deny banking services to (among others) adult businesses. Although Operation Choke Point was supposed to have been officially terminated in 2015, there’s serious reason to doubt that it ever actually stopped.
Among those reasons, I now feel that we have to include FetLife’s current banking difficulties. FetLife has finally gotten around to posting an explanation for its members, and someone has helpfully schlepped it out onto the open internet where we can see it:
That’s just the first part; there’s more.
FetLife received the same sort of vague and conflicting excuses from its card processor that the victims of Operation Choke Point typically reported hearing. I’m not sure how far we should credit the story of Operation Choke Point’s alleged demise.
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