One of the reasons Emily Nagoski is Erosblog’s new favorite sex educator is that she’s actually got some highly useful and practical sex advice up her sleeves. A lot of what sex educators do is repeating the same-old same-old to people who haven’t heard it or comprehended it yet. That’s worthy but dull. But Emily’s got stuff that’s not dull at all, even when it gets all nerdy and technical. Case in point: her recent article on “how to maximize your torment of your partner” or Excellent Torture:
Haven’t you wanted to be in that position of power where you stand at the gate of your partner’s orgasm, tempting them gradually closer, then wickedly slamming the gate in their face and sending them to the back of the queue, only to draw them, even more eager, forward, over and over, until they hate you and love you in equal measure and they can’t think and can’t move and are begging you in choked gasps in end their torment?
Sure you have. Here’s how.
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She goes on:
When you partner is at the breath-holding stage of the proceedings, that indicates that waves muscle tension are causing the contraction of both the thoracic diaphragm and the pelvic diaphragm. If that sentence made no sense, don’t worry, just notice that your partner has gotten to the breath-holding stage of the proceedings. Each held breath slightly escalates tension, edging your partner closer to the threshold of orgasm (which is not a fixed point, but don’t worry about that for now).
When giving beginner advice, I generally say that breath-holding is exactly the time to KEEP DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE DOING. Same speed, same pressure, same everything.
For the more advanced student, you can use this phase to take the reins of your partner’s orgasm.
Step-by-step instructions follow (plus a disclaimer for Emily’s mom). See for yourself.
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