I’m a small town boy at heart. Setting aside the sometimes-amusing literary conceits of porn sites like Street Blowjobs (sorry, boys, but the young ladies sucking on “Bob Incognito’s” prong are recruited in the usual porn industry fashion and they know they are on camera), I would normally assume that even low-end commercial sex transactions are unlikely to occur in broad sunlight within feet of beer-swigging pedestrians. And so, it’s possible this photograph is not what it looks like:

Although that posture is hard to explain, it’s possible he’s just trying to give her a discreet hit on his device for incinerating illicit chemicals. Heck, maybe she’s trying to help untie the tangled knots of his friendship bracelets, using her teeth to worry the strings loose. It’s possible….

But then, it’s also possible (and perhaps more likely) that more things happen on the mean streets of the big city than I’d previously imagined.

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I’ve always wondered what the deal was with those clear plastic penis pumps — they are advertised as a penis enlargement tool, but what good is a huge penis that’s inside a hard plastic vacuum chamber? Here’s someone who set out to find out:

So last week Juicy Wife and I ordered some sex toys (one of which was a penis pump). Saturday evening, while Wife was out on the town, I got a chance to play around with said pump. The sole reason I got it was pure novelty — what would it be like to have a massive circus schlong for all of 8 seconds?

At first, it was quite enjoyable. I slipped the chamber over my (non-erect) self and began pumping away. With this model of penis pump, your cock rests inside this little sleeve at the base and as your dick expands, it gets slowly pulled upward through the sleeve — which was actually kind of pleasureable. (If you lube up first. Must use lube with this thing.) My favorite part was when the head finally popped through the sleeve and up into the chamber; it had grown fucking ENORMOUS. I kept pumping away, drawing my cock further north and swelling it to even larger proportions. I got this weird thrill, like I was a mad scientist bringing Frankenstein to life. IT’S ALIIIIVE!!

After that, things went downhill. The little sleeve is very, very tight and doesn’t actually expand along with your growing penis. So you’re left with one half of your cock looking gigantic and swollen, and the other half compressed within the tiny restrictive sleeve. This also makes it nearly impossible to remove … you literally have to fight your own penis to get it off. After wrestling with it for 3 minutes, I had nearly lost all my sex drive.

So I wouldn’t recommend the cock pump. Unless you have a very narrow penis that can rest comfortably in that sleeve.

He went there so you don’t have to.

I’ve long preached to anyone who would listen that the old-fashioned “square” office job is deleterious to everyone’s health, welfare, liberty, human dignity, sweetness of breath, semen flavor, you name it. Now comes the unsuprising word from Just One Bite that it’s bad news for the shape of your ass, too:

Strangest result of not having an office job anymore: my ass is changing shape. Really! I have wide hips but small buttocks, which have gotten rounder and firmer since I stopped squashing them on a desk chair for 10-12 hours each day. Feel free to grab, pinch, or fondle at will.

Under the I’m-not-making-this-up headline “The Twat Thickens“, advice columnist Sasha finds out and explains the secrets of making art molds of female naughty bits:

Hay begins with a plaster mould. She bought nine aluminum roasting pans, mixed six inches of plaster in them and had her shaven and Vaseline-slathered actresses squat into them. “You know it’s beginning to set when it starts getting hot,” she says. Keep your eye out for bubbles, but if you get some (and you will), soak the hardened plaster in warm water, then plug the holes with wet plaster.

Hay used beeswax to create her vaginas and they are exquisite. Actually, I believe Ellie Rae Hennessey’s is still kicking around Buddies if you want to have a look. Hay began with one layer of peachy-coloured beeswax (tinted with oil paint that comes in sticks), swooshed it around the mould, then after it dried, swooshed a layer of tinted red wax on top of it. This layering process gave the vaginas a life-like quality. “Don’t forget to put a release agent between the cast and the wax,” she says. A thin coat of Pam works just fine. None of the actresses Hay cast complained of any infections or problems afterwards, but do make sure you get all that Vaseline off.

One thing that can’t be stressed enough: make sure you are fully shaven — and that goes for your asshole as well — because prying off plaster or alginate embedded with your pubes hurts like a motherfucker.

Like the man said, the more you know….

OK, OK, so there’s like, a jillion oral sex guides out there on the internet. I fondly recall reading one back when I really needed one, back before there was a World Wide Web, when the best internet resources took the form of huge lovingly-crafted ASCII text files. After a few years of sex blogging, though, the oral sex guides all start to run together and feel the same.

Which is why this one is worth linking to: It’s not so much about technique as it is about etiquette, and it’s written in a fresh and entertaining voice:

Okay, pervs and pervettes. It’s time for Chow Yun Smut to step up and testify on the importance of manners. I don’t care which fork you use at the dinner table, I don’t care if you hold the door open for the ladies, I don’t care about the ongoing debate on who pays for a date. This is all about giving head.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a primer for technique…. Manners, folks. Etiquette. Because I was recently confronted with a person who has apparently been allowed to be sexually active with more than one person, and yet nobody has taken the time to inform this person of some very basic rules of engagement.

Of course, I didn’t find this first; I found the link over at Fleshbot, where the skilled professional sex bloggers tend to find all the goodies before I do. But hey, Violet Blue did write the book on oral sex (well, two of them, actually) and so if she recommends it, it’s surely worth your time.

Time for another gem from alt. binaries. pictures. erotica. vintage:

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Via anonymous email, we have this folk art rendering of a woman having a spot of masturbation fun with an aerosol cologne container: