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The Art And Craft Of Crafting Spam

Monday, June 9th, 2014 -- by Bacchus

It’s been a long time since I saw a spam email subject line that struck me as clever, erotic, or interesting. But one from my inbox this morning, considered strictly for its erotic literary merit and without respect for its obvious bullshit nature, seems to qualify. It said:

Subj: Good girl looking to explore being bad. Can U meet up?

Of course the link goes to the front page of one of the ubiquitous “dating” sites.

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My Hitachi Broke

Thursday, January 9th, 2014 -- by Bacchus

You know those dating and cam sites that advertise by sending mails pretending to be from some lonely, horny girl who “saw the pics on your profile” and wants to get to know you better? Well, one of those in my inbox had an especially-clever subject line tonight:

“My Hitachi broke. :( I hope you’re available!”

If it were real, would that be flattering, or insulting? It’s hard to tell!

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The Magic Cock Words

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012 -- by Bacchus

So, I just got this spam email:

Say these “magic words” to a girl and SHE WILL SUCK YOUR COCK! Shocking free video reveals magic words that make any girl want to suck your cock…tonight! 100% guaranteed!

Somewhere on the internet, some frustrated fool is watching a cheesy video ad for some sort of pickup-artist club/course/scam, waiting to hear the promised magic words…

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Where’s Santa?

Saturday, December 25th, 2010 -- by Bacchus

If Santa’s a little slow getting to your house this year, it’s possible Gawker had his address in their database:

santa sorting spam

If his mailbag looks anything like the ErosBlog inbox now, for every real letter he’s got about four thousand people trying to sell him PEN1S P1LLS FROM BEST PHARMA.

 

Cracking Down On Handcrafted Comment Spam

Saturday, September 5th, 2009 -- by Bacchus

It’s only fair to let everybody know that I’ve been having to crack down on handcrafted comment spam lately. I think the sex toy sellers are getting desperate for free traffic.

What I’m seeing a lot of (as in, many per day) is short comments, obviously written by a real human, responsive to the post on which they appear, and in all respects the sort of comment that I would normally value (except that, generally, they aren’t very substantive or interesting). And then, in the URL box that gets published with the comment, a long and ugly keyword-stuffed link to a sex toy sales page.

I’m not talking about the obviously-machine-generated stuff (“Hi, I did a Google search and found that most people would agree with you”) or the lazily banal one-word comments (“Hott!”). Those have been with us for years, and I moderate away dozens per day. This new plague consists of longer (but still short) comments that react to the posts in human ways (a recent one was similar to “Wow, it must take a lot of coordination to bring somebody off with your feet like that”), with a link in the URL box in the style of “http://amazing-sex-toys21.com/vibrator-massager-orgasms.html”).

I’ve always gotten a few of these, and I used to moderate them in a way that preserved the comment while refusing to provide the free advertising. I’d edit the comment, strip out the link, pass the comment through moderation, and add the commenter to the “always moderate comments from this source” list. Once or twice a week, it wasn’t too bad. But now, it’s half a dozen times a day, and I haven’t got that kind of time.

I used to think that the spam wars would be lost, if they are, to machine algorithms that got better and better at pretending to be people. And I still worry about that. But I now I also wonder whether the difficult economic times aren’t showing us a glimpse of a distopian future in which infotech is so cheap, and people are so hungry, that handcrafted and human-generated spam begins to make widespread economic sense. If that’s the way it goes, we won’t be winning the spam wars any time soon.

 
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