One ought, I suppose, merely to try and enjoy porn, without endlessly deconstructing it. And yet I’m always interested in the contradictions and lies and odd labelings that porn uses to make the business safer for its owners and/or more comfortable for its customers.

The classic example, discussed here previously, is the traditional porn label “chicks with dicks.” Sorry, boys, but if “she” has a dick, “she” is no chick. And yet the obvious lie makes consumers more comfortable with the product.

Another example is “ass fetish” porn that’s marketed to spanking fetishists. You’ll see all the same postures, poses, and costumes (french maids, schoolgirl outfits, and so forth) but no actual spanking. Now, back in the day when there wasn’t much actual spanking even in the spanking magazines, this made a certain amount of sense. If you can’t get away with showing actual spanking anyway, why not tone down the labeling so you can sell the magazine at the drugstore? But these days, on the internet, there’s plenty of real spanking porn. So why market to spanking fetishists without using the label?

The only reason I can imagine is if the customer himself (like the chicks-with-dicks customer who wouldn’t be interested in honestly-labeled dudes-in-skirts-with-dicks) recoils from the accurate fetish label. Can there be folks into spanking who don’t want to see or hear the word?

Apparently, there can. Exhibit A: Girls Bottom. (Remember, pornographers and apostrophes don’t often socialize.)

Here’s a site chock full of advertising copy about bottoms. Sexy girls, bare bottoms, tight buttocks, ass keywords everywhere. Look for the word “spanking”; you won’t find it. But lookie there: “Schoolgirl bottoms.” We (and some bottoms) are getting warmer.

Now look down at the movie samples. Can you say “sore bottoms”? I knew you could. How about “welts”? Sure, no problem. But spanking? We’d be shocked, I’m sure, to find anything like that going on in this establishment.

It gets better. Check out some pictures from a Girls Bottom photoshoot. Here’s a group of very adult schoolgirls standing around in the English countryside, and I doubt they are waiting for a bus:

young ladies in schoolgirl outfits getting ready to show their bottoms

Now we see them with bare bottoms, all bent over a fence in a nice neat row. Look close at the bottooms on display below, and you’ll see that they all seem to have been recently spanked. What’s more, I don’t think the young ladies have been fetchingly arrayed on the fence just so that they may enjoy the bucolic scenery. But still, there’s no actual spanking on display, so we don’t have to admit what fetish we are dealing with here:

spanked young ladies bent over a fence

OK, now we’ve got the girls dismounted from the fence and walking down the road in the sunshine. Clutching (yes, clutching) their gently-striped bottoms:

caned young ladies out for a country stroll

No doubt about it, this is spanking porn with the serial numbers filed off. And pretty good stuff for the genre, too.

Strange and twisty are the comforting lies we tell ourselves, eh?

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