Pulverized? Seriously?
So, I got some promo info about a new porn site called Tonight’s Girlfriend so I went to look at a few sample pictures. And it’s perfectly fine stuff:
But then I got to looking at the prose description and marketing text, which is almost always a mistake:
She’s here. My toy has arrived. I’m a huge fan of Dana Dearmond, and tonight she’s going to become my fan, because she’s going to do whatever I want, and she’s going to like it. I’m in town for a few days, and I’m lucky enough to be able to pay for her services for a night. Tonight she’ll take my dick deep down her throat and thank me for it. She’ll get her asshole pulverized by my cock and ask for more. She’ll do whatever I want, starting by wearing the outfit I ordered her and requested she bring. This is going to be my night, and Dana Dearmond will love it … because I will.
It’s not badly written by the standards of the genre, not for the most part. It supports and reinforces the fantasy theme of the site, which looks like the paid “girlfriend for a night with no sexual limits” high-end prostitution fantasy that got old Charlie Sheen in so much trouble. (“High-end” could be a pun here … or maybe that’s just me.)
But then I got to this line, which seems jarringly out of place: “She’ll get her asshole pulverized by my cock…”
Wait, what?
I’ve seen this word “pulverized” before in porn writing. But I don’t get it. Who finds the word “pulverized” erotic? In what universe is a pulverized asshole an object of erotic fantasy?
I know there’s a whole line of gonzo porn out there featuring painful anal sex that is intended to leave the recipients stretched and sore. It’s mostly not to my taste, but it’s a fetish like any other. I’m guessing this is a sort of hyperbolized gesture toward that tradition. Perhaps no literal pulverization is contemplated; instead, it may be an exaggerated way of suggesting really rough anal sex without regard to her comfort, or even with the intent of being very painful.
I think about this stuff too much, I know. I should stop.
That, or open a cannibal fetish site: “Minced assholes, with fennel and sage!”
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What, after all, would one do with a powdered anus, one that had been reduced to dust? And how, indeed, could a cock do that?
It’s his way of bragging that even an experienced porn star is going to be stretched wide by his humongous manhood. Cheaper than a Ferrari I suppose, but not nearly as tasteful.
Perhaps he’d also take a meat tenderiser to her breasts?
I can imagine his creative writing teacher spitting: “What is this ‘Pound her ass?’ Don’t pound her ass: PULVERIZE it!!” Use stronger adjectives.
“Pulverized” is just in keeping with the fine old tradition of Godawful porn writing. Men explode all over the women, who are quivering puddles of goo as their love juices roll out of their pussies in waves, hell, tsunamis of passion that swamp the boats of lust with their raw musk of lust.
Hell, even TRYING I can’t write as badly as most porn writers do. There must be a special school or something.
It all makes sense if you think of Porno Ad-Copy as a separate dialect of English, whose speakers pick it up the same way you pick up any other dialect, by listening to how the more experienced speakers use the dialect, and then apeing them.
By now, many iterations of one writer of the dialect learning it from the works of other writers of the dialect, without reference to the original base language, have happened. This makes deciphering meaning very confuseing if you try to read Porno Ad-Copy as if it was English, or English as if it was Porno Ad-Copy.
In the future, once Porno Ad-Copy and English become separated far enough that mutual unintelligability is fully achieved, we will indeed the need special language schools Pat alludes to. :)
Er… I’m with Alex, powdered sphincter holds no appeal for me.
I would even sooner accept such violent terms as battered, hammered, slammed, pounded, pommeled, punched, clobbered, reamed, rammed, socked, slogged, thrashed, thumped, shellacked, or mauled before I would entertain turning it into numerous small bits of solid material…
Phew, now I’ve gotten myself all worked up with the imagery!