October 6th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
The Sultry Dancer
Art is by Ilio Giannaccini.
The Sex Blog Of Record
October 5th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Dealing With The Inappropriate Panty Fetishist
There’s nothing wrong with a good panty fetish. Of course. To this audience, I don’t even got to say that.
However.
There’s a certain sort of creep in the world who gets off on various sorts of fetishized interactions with members of the public who totally didn’t consent to a fetish exchange. Shoe salespeople get this a lot. I once heard an account of a toe rapist who would drop to the ground in department stores, grab the feet of salesladies, yank off a shoe, and forcibly suck a toe. Or ask a librarian about guys whose thing is to masturbate into books and then re-shelve them…
So. Fetish is OK, but don’t overshare, right?
If you sell panties for a living, a world where creeps won’t try to use you as an unpaid extra in their panty-buying fantasy LARP scenarios looks like an possible dream. But there are strategies for self-defense:
The Panties Of Yeast Resistance
(I am the lead in the lingerie department. After watching me for 15 minutes, a middle-aged man approaches me as I’m folding underwear. Note that this customer has bothered other female workers and is clearly a panty fetishist.)
Customer: “So, I’m buying some panties for my teenage daughter. Are these something that she would like?” *hands me a satin thong*
Me: “It depends on your daughter, but the pattern on them is nice.”
Customer: “But, will she like them? You’re about the same age. Do you wear panties like these? You said that they were nice. Do you own a pair of these panties?”
(I’ve worked in lingerie for awhile now and know what this customer is up to.)
Me: “Oh no, sir. Thongs are very bad for vaginal health. They help bacteria move from the anus to the vulva area and can cause urinary tract infections. Plus, cotton underwear really are the best, as satin doesn’t breathe properly and can lead to yeast infections.”
Customer: *stunned silence, turning red*
Me: *leads him to the “granny panty” section* “Really, these would be the best for your daughter. They’re the only underwear that I’ll wear! It’s best for her vaginal health. This four-pack is very economical. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Customer: *drops satin underwear and walks away very fast*
Me: “Have a great day!”
(My manager saw the exchange and gave me a high-five. The customer still bought underwear from us, but he never bothered another female worker again!)
From here. But that comes with a link warning, due to rotating ads that autostart both video and audio. So if you leave that window open in a tab, it will randomly shout at you. Forever. Even if you pause the video ad the first time it shouts at you. Totally not cool.
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October 3rd, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Ten Candles
Erosblog’s first post went live on October 3, 2002: Is This Sex Blog Thing On? That was ten years ago, which makes us like 70 in dog years (or internet years, take your pick). Surprisingly enough, there have been 3,652 posts since then; as close to a post a day as anybody could want. Plus, 16,772 non-spam comments. Thanks to everybody for reading and participating!
I have to shout out for the three other sex bloggers who were at it before I was and who are still at it; there may be others, but these are the ones I know about and remember, who were there when I started, who I found early on, who have kept at it, and who are still here. Violet, BJ, Daze — it’s been a hell of a decade. There’ve been dozens who came later, who told us (and the world) they knew more about how to do it, who did it harder or louder, or who (maybe) did it better. But we are still here, and most of those others are not. Survival is the ultimate measure of success, no?
I also have to acknowledge Indie Nudes — an ancient and venerable “list of links” that has survived and thrived like some ancient dinosaur turtle. Lists of carefully chosen links were the way the web was organized, for a few years a long long time ago, before blogs and even before decent search engines (*cough* AltaVista *cough*). So, when Erosblog was pretty new, Indie Nudes put me on their list. They’ve kept me there ever since, and they send surprising traffic; nobody but Google sends me more. I don’t know who runs it or why they keep doing it, but thanks!
There have been lots of changes since ErosBlog was a mere puppy. The architecture has changed a bunch of times; when I started, I used a desktop blogging client for Windows called simply “BLOG”. Eventually I updated to Graymatter, but I was late to the party and its evolution was slowing down right at a time when challenges (especially in the area of comment spam) were speeding up. WordPress was the next obvious step, and by now (how many templates later?) it’s such an old friend as a content management system that I use it for everything, even things that look nothing like blogs. If all a man has is a hammer, everything looks like a nail…
Just as many changes in my life. When I started, I was single and lonely, and I had a professional job, with a tie and a (very small) office that put me one tiny step away from cubicle hell (just outside my door). I quit that job (for the second time) just days after ErosBlog went live, when the boss who was keeping the place afloat took a political appointment. I’ve been self-employed (at various things) ever since, and I couldn’t even tell you whether I still own a tie; if I do, it’s in a box in deep storage somewhere. Like most people who aren’t part of the metastasizing financial-services-and-megacorps conglomerate behemoth that’s eating the world, I’m poorer than I was ten years ago and a lot poorer than I was when I was lucky to be climbing the inflating side of the last bubble. But I’m living somewhere they can’t take away from me, I’ve got a good woman who loves me slumbering in our bed as I type this, I’ve got a big dog (who also loves me) slumbering protectively just inside my front door, and there’s pease porridge in my crockpot that’s been simmering fragrantly all night with a chopped onion and a hint of cumin. So life is excellent by any reasonable measure.
Changes in the sex blogging world? Wow. Blogging was a thing, had been for a couple-few years, when ErosBlog got going. But sex blogging as a category? I wasn’t first to do it, not by a long shot; but I think I may have been the first person to put “Sex Blogs” in my sidebar as a blogging category. Eventually it got real popular and it seemed like everybody was doing it. Even the SEO spam robots were doing it for awhile; they’d scrape actual blog posts, mash them up and change a few words out with a thesaurus program, and then bung them back up on the web somewhere as bait for GoogleBot. Now, of course, we’re on the downside of the slope; blogs are old and boring, more “stable place to put my essays” than “exciting community where I make my connections”. The web itself is changing in the era of Facebook and Twitter and the smartphone and the ecosystem of apps; people are looking at it in different ways, on smaller screens, from more places, in shorter bursts, if somebody tweets a link perhaps. Links in sidebars are as dead as webrings as a way of moving traffic around, to the point where a lot of things-that-look-like-blogs don’t link out to anybody at all and sidebars are going away as people do mobile-friendly redesigns. People still stare at screens for amusement, but almost everything about the process (when they do it, how they do it, how they decide what to stare at, how they find what to stare at) has changed.
Where in all this do sex blogs fit it, in the waning month of 2012? Well, people still like reading about sex and viewing dirty pictures, and they all have these miraculous and awesome (I think so anyway; that’s how you can tell I’m old) little always-connected internet devices in their pockets now. Even if “blogs” finish going away and “surfing the web” has become hopelessly quaint, there’s got to be some way to keep on doing what we do (find sexy stuff, pull it together, make a few wise-ass remarks about it, entertain the folk). Our challenge as sex bloggers (or whatever we become when blogging is as dead as carriage racing) is the same as it always was: to do it well enough to be valued, to earn and maintain the attention of our readers in an overstimulated world where attention is the scarcest currency.
In 2007 I asked “Will there be a Ten Candles post on October 3, 2012?” In my secret heart, I was pretty damned sure the answer was “yes”. I’m delighted to have been right. But what about the future? Will ErosBlog still be here in 2017? I’m less confident than I was in 2007; I grow older and move more slowly, while the world speeds up and accelerates into the future. But I’m persistent, and I’m stubborn. Unless I stop being entertained by porn (which seems unlikely) I can’t imagine not having bits of it that need pointed at and talked about. So, just as I did in 2007, I’ll say “I truly do hope so!”
Similar Sex Blogging:
- 10 Years Of Sex Blogging: Best Of ErosBlog 2006
- 10 Years Of Sex Blogging: Best Of ErosBlog 2005
- 10 Years Of Sex Blogging: Best Of ErosBlog 2004
- 10 Years Of Sex Blogging: Best Of ErosBlog 2003
- 10 Years Of Sex Blogging: Best Of ErosBlog 2002
- Five Candles
- Happy Birthday, Dear Sex Blog
- Is This Sex Blog Thing On?
October 2nd, 2012 -- by Bacchus
It Doesn’t Take A Rocket Scientist…
…but if you had one, he could help!
Too much erotic mad science and a guy starts seeing it everywhere … and noting the lack of it when it’s not present where it ought to be. Take, for instance, the pornographers responsible for Sexually Broken, a new-ish site (elevator pitch: more kinky sex, less BDSM-pain, bondage “yes please!” but not quite so heavy-metal over-the-top) from the producers of the legendary/notorious InSex.com.
So, when they aren’t tying up girls and fucking ’em (that reminds me of the one that starts “The corpulent mayor of Buckingham…”) they are writing sales copy:
Ariel X, Destiny Jaymes and Penny Pax came to visit us this week. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what they want. They are young, hot, and their sex drives are out of control. We have just what they need, too…
Well, sure. But wouldn’t your enterprise be improved if you had one of those newfangled machines that can watch people while they sleep and pull images out of their dreams? Maybe you guys DO need a scientist or two!
On the other hand, they seem to be having plenty o’ fun, even if it’s shockingly unscientific:
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October 1st, 2012 -- by Bacchus
How To Stop Traffic
The Nymph has long desired a Vespa. But I don’t think she intends to ride (or drive) it like this:
Picture dates from 1960, in Jerry Yulsman Tells How to Take Glamour Photos. Via Vintage Scans.
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September 30th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
10 Years Of Sex Blogging: Best Of ErosBlog 2006
Next Wednesday (October 3) will mark the first day of the eleventh year of operations here at ErosBlog. So it looks like this will the last of the “10 Years of Sex Blogging” retrospectives. That’s OK — covering the first five years has a decent symmetry to it. Without further ado, here’s 2006:
- My micro-rant on why lap dances in strip clubs are “DO NOT WANT” territory for me, plus somebody else’s tips for getting a good one: How To Get A Killer Lapdance
- I found possibly the best happy-exhibitionist photo I’ve ever seen: Half-Naked And Happy To Be There
- Of all the things I’ve ever written on ErosBlog, this essay on joy and BDSM acceptance is perhaps the post I’m most proud of: Two Smiles
- Remember that shower gel commercial with the tagline “How dirty girls get clean?” Yeah, me neither; or I wouldn’t, if I hadn’t managed to associate it in my mind with this memorable photo: Girl Washing
- I can’t recall laughing harder or longer over a web thing (unless maybe it was the immortal Dogs in Elk waaay back in the last century) than I did over this cybersex transcript that didn’t quite go the way the dude expected it to: And Who Shall Be Master?
- I don’t often lose myself in consumerist fantasies, but I confess I did the first time I saw this product for sale. It’s still for sale, but sadly, I still don’t have any: Leather Sheets
- I’ve softened my stance on the virtues of color blindness over the years (having been exposed to possibly-better arguments) but I haven’t come close to abandoning it. Here’s one of the places it got me griped at, especially in the comments: Nude Women, Skin Color, Huh?
- This post and its comments was one of the places I’ve tried to expound on the foolishness and impossibility of imposing our personal interpretations of art (here, pulpy sex comics) onto other people. Of course it got me snarled at, as it generally does: Whipped With A Hat On
- What’s going on when women dress themselves to be looked at, and then appear to resent the looks they get? I had a theory: On Looking At Women
- I think every sex blogger has taken a go at mocking the contents of sex spam. Here’s one of mine: Sex Spam Subject Lines
- This I still believe: “If you can’t see a person without having a racial classification for them pop into your head, you’re part of the problem.” Not Ignorant, Adamant
- Even a cartoon ’70s metrosexual (before they called them that) understood that a fist in her hair can make the blowjob better: Hair Pulling Blowjob
- In which I stand up for the proposition that not all men are dicks: No Gentlemen, No Sex Pictures
- I had forgotten until just now this back-and-forth with Susie Bright about the reasons for the gender imbalance in the sex blogging world: Sex Bias In Blogging
- I still want to know what happened to this sex doll: Sex Doll Accident
- I still don’t think Violet is wrong about a word of this: Public Submission Ritual
- Another effort on my part to demonstrate that the sexy elements in art are (and ought to be) available to the viewer no matter how reprehensible the artist, his motives, or his historical context: Male Soldiers Fucking
- My irritation with a certain class of creepy comments, it overfloweth: Flashing From A Window
- My opinion on fake boobs, followed by an opinion that arguably matters quite a bit more: Big Fake Boobs
- I still laugh every time I see this: Bill Versus The Penguin
- The topic of what it does (did) to our society to have porn go from “hard to get” to “available on all screens” is fascinating to me, and has been for a long time: Internet Porn For The Greater Good
- Title speaks for itself: Dirty Owl-Fucker!
- “Who wants to find herself covered with Winnie-the-Pooh BandAids after sex?” There’s always somebody: But Gardens Do Differ
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September 28th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Happy Endings For Mathematicians
I have been informed that there is, in mathematics, something known as the Happy Ending problem.
Sadly, it appears to have nothing to do with the productive output of cheap massage parlors. “If it takes two massage comfort professionals thirty minutes to give six clients a happy ending, how many massage comfort professionals does it take to give sixteen clients a happy ending in 40 minutes?” No. That is not the problem.
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