Y’all know that Kink.com is one of my favorite porn companies. But I gotta ask, what’s up with the dick on a long stick?

This latest example comes from The Upper Floor, but you can see it at any of their sites … and I don’t remember seeing it anywhere else in porn. Still, it’s obviously a porn thing:

I have some theories to explain the dick on a stick, but I don’t know if they are the right ones. For instance:

1. the dick on a stick allows them to show a lot of penetration in scenes that are mostly girl/girl, no male model needed;
2. the dick on a stick allows them to show penetration from angles where an attached man would obscure the camera shot;
3. the dick on a stick allows them to show penetrations that are rougher and more vigorous than could be easily managed with a dick attached to a man; or
4. the dick on a stick allows photographers and directors to participate directly in shoots without being visible on camera.

But weighing against all that is a more fundamental question: Who actually wants to see a dick on a stick?

If porn is about satisfying the fantasies of the viewer, who are the viewers who fantasize about a dick on a stick, either giving or receiving? If this were a fetish, wouldn’t there be written dick-on-a-stick fantasies? (I know, I know, Rule 34. Somebody will probably find some written dick-on-a-stick porn and link it in the comments, in an attempt to prove they have better porn-fu than me. Cool, knock yourself out, we all benefit.) Let’s hear it, readers: Do dicks on sticks do anything for you?

If I should be so fortunate as to have this blog post read by any of the Kink.com creative people who are responsible for stick-dicking porn, I’d be delighted to hear why you make it and what your impressions are of the target purchasing audience for it.

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As everyone creative scrambles to figure out how to make a living in a post-mass-media world, it’s always good to know that somebody, somewhere, is scrambling even harder. You thought the buggy whip makers and the guys who install pay phones had it bad, how about this guy?

“I myself have zero chance of ending my career at Advertising Age, I tell you right now, because we don’t have a sustainable business model either. I make a living criticizing TV commercials at a print publication. How fucked am I?

Dude, yer fucked.

A post with such a title you would expect to find, at Titty Blog. But the number is unusual — these these things usually come in pairs:

Nice Knockers @ Titty Blog

Julie Meadows is obviously a better person than I am, or at least she has a greater reserve of patience and humanitarian goodwill. I myself wouldn’t even dream of trying to engage the spewers of filth in the comments at YouTube; on her blog, she not only engages them, but tries to help them. Example:

I get it, I get it, you’re angry, you hate all “whores”, and like so many other underage people with angst, you’re taking out your frustations by bullying people on YouTube. What is it with YouTube and angry boys? The videos? The opportunity to be entertained and annoy? I will say a kind word to you, but I can’t go into too much detail because I can see from your homepage that you bully/spam comment lots of people, so you obviously weren’t just targeting the Bobbi Starr Interviews.

…

If you were my son I’d say this… Relax. People will always confuse you and make you mad and make you want to strike out, but you’ll get a lot farther by being kind, and it will make you feel better, too. Whatever it is that pains you, whatever difficult thing you’re going through, you can e-mail me. Maybe I can give you some good advice. You’re probably a good kid, you just have too much on your mind and parents that are not very attentive due to their own daily distractions. Relax. There’s nothing wrong with good-looking women who have sex whenever they want with whomever they want. If the problem is that they’re not having sex with you, give it some time and work on your people skills. You think too much. Besides, if you don’t change your attitude at some point, you’ll be buying time from these women, so you’d do well to start liking them now.

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Silent cat girl, from Japan:

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More explicit images from the wildlands of Tumblr:

1. Tara Aire opens wide
2. He is deeply enveloped
3. She’s about to lick the pre-cum

I’ve long viewed the phrase “porn use” as a red flag that tells me the speaker is against porn. But I never realized precisely why the seemingly-innocent phrase was so loaded. Fortunately, Dr. Charlie Glickman nails it in an article at Good Vibrations:

On one of the sex education email lists that I follow, someone posted a question about “porn use.” And while I’ve seen this phrase used more times than I can count, it suddenly seemed to me that the term implies a bias that runs so deeply that it’s effectively invisible.

I think it’s rather interesting that people often talk about “porn use” even though they don’t talk about “sitcom use,” “talk show use,” or “romantic comedy use.” Instead, we might ask someone how often they watch TV, or talk shows, or movies. We might say that we enjoy Law & Order, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say that they “use” Law & Order.

But when we get into the area of porn, we sometimes shift our language away from words that we use to talk about any other media and start using a phrase that sounds like we’re talking about drugs. People use Advil, or caffeine, or cocaine. And it seems to me that when we talk about using porn, we’re framing it in the same way.

Of course there’s more.