I Will Track Down The Source Of Your Favorite Adult Photo Or Art And Research It For $5

I’m going to try a little experiment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it.

The thing is, over more than a decade of sex blogging I’ve gotten really astonishingly good at tracking down obscure bits of porn and finding attributions for it. I’m not talking about just doing an image search and feeling smug when I find what I’m looking for, oh no. I’m talking about using Google Image Search and TinEye and the other image search engines to develop leads — a file name, an artist nickname, a cryptic caption on a Tumblr — that I can then plug back into Google to develop more detailed information. Often, this is an iterative process with many wrong turns and dead ends. In the extreme cases, it can require a complex research trail that involves Google Translate, wailing siren noises from my malware protection software, and the accidental seeing of images that no brain bleach can ever remove from my mind’s eye.

But, what is it good for?

It amuses me. But it’s time-consuming. And it’s not like “expert porn researcher and attributionist” is a marketable skill.

Or…is it?

Hence the experiment. I’ve got mad porn search skills. You’ve got porn images that you love, but you don’t know who made them or where to find more like them. (Don’t you? Doesn’t everybody?) And then there’s a nifty little web outfit called “Fiverr” that’s like eBay for small tasks. So, why not rent you my mad porn-search skills for five bucks PayPal?

Hey, it’s worth a shot.

2016 update: I have pretty much given up on the Fiverr gig, for two reasons. First, Fiverr rather annoyingly “suspends” your gigs if you don’t log in to Fiverr often enough, and they don’t reliably notify you when this happens. So I have been discovering that my Fiverr gig is often suspended when I don’t realize. Second, I’ve learned that $5.00 is really too cheap a price for the effort I put into these. It’s really more of a ten dollar job on average. (A true “all efforts, leave no stone unturned” job on a difficult image is more like $20, but porn images that hard to pin down are, thankfully, rare.) Please feel free to email me (bacchus@erosblog.com) if you want to arrange for some porn provenance research; I especially appreciate bulk jobs. I also offer Patreon rewards that include research of this kind.

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From Spanking Blog:

I had a tough day yesterday, and my husband spanked me into a better mood. Later he said, “I hit your bottom and the bad thoughts go flying out of your head.”

I suppose it’s cheaper than therapy…

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Artist is unknown on this one. The post title comes from the caption on the uncropped image (if you click through) which is “Dernier Exploit de Jerôme”. My mechanically-assisted French is very bad, but I understand that to mean something like “Jerome’s last feat” and if we assume that the famous priest and saint is meant, then “Jerome’s last miracle” becomes at least a plausible-seeming translation. Given that he’s portrayed as enormously rotund and yet very much in the process of catching a nubile nude woman who is fleeing as slowly as may be required, I think we can safely assume satirical intent in the captioning.

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The next time you hear someone (or even yourself) talking the same old smack about hookers, consider this:

The existence of courtesans is a glaring refutation of neofeminist dogma about objectification, the eternal victimhood of whores, etc; the fact that the most celebrated, successful and highly-paid harlots of all time were often those who were educated and could match or surpass men in intellectual pursuits throws a huge spanner into the catechism that prostitution is a manifestation of male dominance over women, that our clients hate us, and so on.

From Maggie McNeill’s blog post about Tullia d’Aragona.

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“According to our local spermologer, that zafty snoutfair wonder-wench who cleans for the parson flew into quite the pussyvan when she realized he’d got her with squirrel.”

Don’t mind me, I’m just playing about with 18 Obsolete Words Which Never Should Have Gone Out Of Style.

It’s a frequent trope of lazy pornographers to speak of someone being “trained” to enjoy a sexual practice. Sometimes this might be something rough and BDSM-y, but often it’s just anal or even oral sex, which as we all know, a great many people manage to enjoy without any “training” whatsoever. Although I have been known to go along with the trope (because I, too, can be lazy) I try to avoid buying into it too much, because it bothers me a bit. What I don’t like is the implication that people (usually women, in the porn I look at) inherently don’t or won’t enjoy these things, and it’s only the man and his training tools (typically, a whip or a paddle or an inhumanly large and energetic cock) that convert her into a happy sexual being.

Which is why I laughed at a Twitter exchange I saw not so long ago. Some twitterer with porn to sell offered up this unexceptional line of porn selling prose:

Penny Pax anal babe is bdsm trained to take thick cock in her ass for our pleasure http:[link] @Penny_Pax #bdsm #training #anal

I never would have known about this except that some Penny Pax fan partially retweeted it with an editorial comment that made me laugh. The fan-tweet must also have amused Penny herself, since she then retweeted the retweet into my timeline:

@Penny_Pax “…is bdsm trained to take thick cock in her ass for our pleasure” Ha. That’s like “training” gravity to pull things to earth. ;-)

It says something about men (or at least, about male pornographers) that we’re often more comfortable with the narrative of a woman “trained” to like our kinky shit than we are with the narrative of a woman who’s as eager for it as we are.

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Living as we do in the era when micro-niched fetish porn overlaps with extremely hi-res digital photography, we sometimes encounter images so bizarre that it’s impossible to tell what we’re looking at. Is the picture below (a tight focus on the same unremarkable tongue-bondage scene shown above) just a momentary fragment of emergent pornographic weirdness? Or is it a deliberate moment of support for the hitherto-unsuspected community of papilla fetishists?

Images are from Sexually Broken, where there’s no doubt at all that they strive mightily in service to the community of folks who enjoy bondage blowjobs.

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