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She Balked At The Zipping

Wednesday, July 5th, 2023 -- by Bacchus

I don’t usually read ménage romance/erotica, but I can be something of a completist in my reading when an author has amused me with other titles. In this case, author Lea Barrymire charmed me with the kidnapped-by-aliens-for-sex title Maggie’s Abduction (in which, plot twist, the masterful alien lover is himself a prisoner of war with limited agency, at least at first) and then entertained me with her Coyote Bluff shifter romance series. And that’s how I got to her contemporary ménage title Angling For Love. There I slammed head-first into a scene that triggered a ancient memory, one still fraught with emotional resonance for me a quarter-century later.

In Angling For Love, our heroine is freshly single. She finds herself reconnecting with her love of fly fishing in the Montana wilderness with a couple of hunky fishing guides. The sexual tension is high and they have fooled around pretty intensely at this point, but no dicks have gotten wet (yet). Suddenly, the eerie sound of wolves howling under the big Montana stars sends her diving toward the men’s tent for comfort and security:

He stroked a hand down her back and made soothing noises as if she were a startled animal. After a moment he chuckled under her ear. “So, were you sneaking into the tent?”

“No. Well, yes, but not for anything naughty. The wolves scared me and I thought I could sleep with you guys.” She leaned back so she could see his face. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Mmm, a beautiful woman snuggled between me and my best friend? Nope, not minding at all.” He grinned at her. His face was only half-lit from the fire, but the side she could see held a sexy smirk. He hadn’t stopped smoothing his hand up and down her back and it started to make dips farther and farther down until he was skimming his palm over her ass. “Sure you want to sleep?”

“You are absolutely incorrigible. I need to sleep if we’re riding and fishing tomorrow –or later today, as it were. Do I need to drag my sleeping bag in to keep you from molesting me?”

“No, I’ll keep my hands off you. Come on, we’ll have to wake the grumpy one so you have enough space between us.”

“I heard that, and I’ve been awake since you scared the shit out of Arin and made her scream like a banshee.” Brent’s gruff voice filtered through the mesh of the tent. “Are you guys coming to bed or what? I’m tired and morning is going to come way too fast.”

“You heard him — get in there.” Jared gave her a little push and helped to get the zipper on the tent open. Brent already had their two bags opened to make one large platform. He held the top bag open so they could climb in. Arin lay in the middle of the pallet, trying not to touch either of the men as they settled in. She squeaked when a hand snaked out and dragged her into the hollow of Brent’s body. After a moment she relaxed into his arms and tried to calm enough to drift off. She didn’t think she’d be able to with all the testosterone-flavored air in the tent, but within moments the warmth and safety pulled her into sleep. Her last thought before drifting into the darkness of rest was that she’d never been snuggled so safely before, or so well taken care of.

At the top of the post, I mentioned a memory from a quarter-century ago. It was my first genuinely-serious adult relationship. I spent about seven years living with her, we bought a house and a parrot together, and I was helping to raise her kid. The whole thing ended badly, at least from my perspective. There was surprisingly little drama, and we’re still friendly in a social media kind of way, but she ended things abruptly, without any explanation nor with much apparent remorse. I didn’t fight it; we’d been growing apart and she wouldn’t talk about anything. That’s when I learned you can’t fight a breakup when you don’t know the reason things got bad, and the lady won’t say.

To this day, I still don’t know why we didn’t work out. But I can say with great precision why we weren’t married when it all fell apart at the end. No, scratch that. I can say why I never asked her to marry me, which is not quite the same thing. My reason for not asking? By now you’ll have guessed it involved a tent, and two sleeping bags.

There’s a fundamental law of men and women and tents in the north woods: if you’re even a little bit friendly, it’s best to unfurl your sleeping bags and treat them as blankets to snuggle between. In chillier weather, two identical sleeping bags can usually be zipped together at the sides to make one big bag, which is even better. It’s practical (sharing heat) and friendly (snuggling) and really, it’s the very best thing about sleeping in the woods. Our amorous fishing guides knew the drill and understood the assignment: “Brent already had their two bags opened to make one large platform. He held the top bag open so they could climb in.”

Damn me if reading that didn’t drop me straight into an unpleasant flashback from my old relationship. Me and the young lady and her kid were on a family camping trip, way out on a spectacular river in a ridiculously-scenic protected wilderness. There were plenty of tents. She and I had our own, to share, just us. I took care to guarantee before the trip that our sleeping bags were zipper compatible. With the tents of our other family spread all around us, there in the silent forest, foolin’ around wasn’t ever going to be on the agenda, but I fully expected to zip those bags together so we could snuggle quietly and sleep close. She wouldn’t hear of it. There was to be no snuggling in the wilderness.

We didn’t fight about it — not enough privacy, too many witnesses. But it hurt my feelings in a deep way. Now we come to the hook of this story: I had been gearing up to make a marriage proposal. Friends, I had already bought her a ring. The ring was in my possession on that fateful night. I’d thought an opportunity to propose might arise during the trip, somewhere among the spectacular wilderness vistas. But then, this woman I deeply loved, who knew the fundamental law of men and women and tents in the wilderness just as well as I did? She balked at the zipping.

She balked, and I started brooding. The next day, I sat on a driftwood log and ignored the scenery around me, staring instead at that blasted ring for about two hours. I thought things over. I seriously considered for the first time some issues I hadn’t thought were all that serious. And then I put that ring back in its box and buried the box in the bottom of my backpack. I carried it straight back out of the wilderness, figuring, I don’t know, maybe I would try again after a serious conversation about intimacy.

Yeah, that conversation never happened. And I never proposed. Perhaps she never wanted me to. She probably did me (us) a favor, zipping herself into her own chilly sleeping bag that night. I’m uncertain about a lot of things but not about this: it was the clearest moment of relationship communication we ever achieved between us.

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Love, In Bright Colors

Tuesday, January 1st, 2019 -- by Bacchus

What better way to start of 2019 than with some big old vintage, retro, brightly-colored love?

LOVE spelled out in trippy 1970s rainbow colors

I rescued the “LOVE” artwork for this post from the title art for an otherwise forgettable bit of porn-magazine text-filler tripe in the October 1980 Video X magazine. Click the image for a higher-resolution art sample, especially if you have a project you want to use it for. (It would make great header art for a blog or a social media profile, don’t you think?)

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A Week Of Being Adored

Wednesday, July 17th, 2013 -- by Bacchus

You want to know what women want? It’s a big topic with no universal answers. But there’s a hint in this excerpt from a post at More Pecudum:

The power of two skinny legged, perky breasted 18 year old pussy-carrying miscreants isn’t a thing you can measure with a few words about heat. Girls like my cousin and I are crazy dangerous on our own. She had a talent for not giving a fuck, and I had a talent for giving off a sex vibe. So, young, full of sexy, and with access to clubs since she was running sound for rock shows and I was holding, we had a few solid weeks to fill ourselves with any cock we pointed ourselves toward.

The night I met you, we were bored as hell with the usual routine… We were stoned, we were driving around, and we saw you and your friend walking down a sidewalk. We circled the block and we picked you up.

Over the next week you kept coming over, and I took your virginity, and you kept calling me your fantasy woman. The way you looked at me as I walked around naked, summer sun skin and strawberry blonde hair, I felt like a girl out of a song. Nobody had ever — nobody has ever looked at me that way. I blame you, in a way, for all the years that followed of me loving every single song with “girl” in the title, because all I ever wanted after that was for someone to think I was their fantasy.

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He Loves His Wife

Thursday, December 27th, 2012 -- by Bacchus

So I just saw Barbara Walters on TV, asking the Obamas “So why where you hugging so hard in Iowa?”

As Michelle takes a breath to answer, Barak jumps in with a shaking head and a genial tone that nonetheless conveys he’s answering a stupid question: “Because I love my wife!” The “Duh…” was unstated but audible nonetheless.

See also: Does Barak Obama Spank His Wife?

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Anal Sex And Orgasms At Slate

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010 -- by Bacchus

I would be remiss if I did not link you to William Salatan’s article The Riddle of the Sphincter: Why do women who have anal sex get more orgasms?

The survey data is real; it’s the explanation that’s uncertain. So he lays out more than a dozen possible theories to explain the data, and it’s quite an interesting read:

9. Love and trust cause orgasms and anal sex.

One woman writes:

The more I love and trust someone, the more likely I am to have an orgasm while with him–and the more likely I am to be okay with pushing society’s “norms” with him. Similarly, the more he proves that he knows what he’s doing, the more likely I am to let him do something that could potentially really, really hurt me.

This is the most uplifting theory. It implies that the sample of women who report regular anal sex is heavily biased toward intimate relationships. The data strongly support this. Compared with women who are single and dating, women in a relationship are only about 50 percent more likely, at best, to report vaginal sex in the last 90 days. But they’re two to three times more likely to report anal sex. And women who live with their boyfriends are more likely to report anal sex–but not more likely to report vaginal sex–than women who don’t. Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment.

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Masochism Hath No Century

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009 -- by Dr. Faustus

Robert Burton, vicar of St. Thomas Church in Oxford and perhaps literature’s most spectacular depressive, reviews the classical poets on the subject of men in love in The Anatomy of Melancholy(1621):

Another, he sighs and sobs, swears he hath Cor scissum, a heart bruised to powder, dissolved and melted within him, or quite gone from him, to his mistress’ bosom belike, he is in an oven, a salamander in the fire, so scorched with love’s heat; he wisheth himself a saddle for her to sit on, a posy for her to smell to, and it would not grieve him to be hanged, if he might be strangled in her garters: he would willingly die tomorrow, so that she might kill him with her own hands.

Yikes!

 

Write Me A Letter

Sunday, January 18th, 2009 -- by Bacchus

This vintage image should appeal to those of you who’ve ever exchanged love letters. I wonder what she’s about to write?

writer in love

 
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