Porn Nonsense In Time Magazine

There’s a long article about porn in Time Magazine that I haven’t read. And why didn’t I? Because the first paragraph pissed me off:

“In hotel rooms where pornography is available, two-thirds of all movie purchases are for pornos; and the average time they are watched is 12 minutes. The image instantly summoned is of the traveling businessman who wants a smidge of sexual exercise before retiring, but who is too tired, timid or cheap to summon a call girl.”

The image instantly summoned in my mind is one of pity for the hypothetical wife or girlfriend of Time columnist Richard Corliss, who wrote that last squalid sentence.

Horny travelling men who don’t “summon a call girl” must be “too tired, timid or cheap”, eh?

It must surely suck to be married to that man.

ErosBlog In USA Today

Nah, in my dreams. I wonder how many hits I’d get if ErosBlog really were written up in USA Today?

A guy can dream. And speaking of dreams, here’s what actually was on the front page of the D Section of today’s USA Today:

If Bacchus ever were booted into the Greek god relocation program, he’d do well to wind up here. Two dozen boatshave been lashed together in the service of a writhing mass of human flesh bent on shedding inhibitions and clothes as fast as a four-headed beer bong will allow.

Greek god relocation program? Where do I sign up?

Statuarial Stinkfinger

Molesting statuary seems to be all the rage these days. Here’s a woman giving the old stinkfinger to some sort of bronze hero:

I was reminded that I had this pic in my “funny stuff” folder when I saw the real (and graphic) stinkfinger picture on Bondage Blog.

A Fat Girl’s Rhapsody

Here’s assigned reading for those of you who still think it’s funny to laugh at fat people: A Fat Girl’s Rhapsody. Not much sex in there, but you will find a good “how not to do it” on discussing appearance with your cyberfriends.

Thanks to Analyze Julie for the link.

Will You Settle For Buttock?

Since Aphrodite wasn’t here this week to give you your dose of phallus, I can only assume that the folks who come here to see male parts are going away disappointed. I’d like to do what I can, but there’s only so much isolated dick your average straight fellow can bear to look at. Will you settle for buttock?

You’d better settle, because this week it’s buttock or nothing.

The theme is frat boys gone wrong. First we have the stereotypical paddling:

Next up is bare buttock being hauled down the street wrapped in duct tape. If you like your male buttock neatly packaged, here ya go:

Sheesh! The things I do for my readers.

Marriage: “The Shit Changes”

My sister, who’s been married a couple of times without finding much joy in it, has a number of complaints about married life. But her biggest gripe is the way, as she puts it, that “Once you get married, the shit changes! No matter how good all your love shit is, once you marry, the shit just changes.”

I was reminded of this by a comic essay on marriage, which includes this bit of wisdom:

During the first year of togetherness, you probably wondered if you were a bad partner for fantasizing about someone else to get off as your partner slept next to you, but now you’re able to say “I’d hit that” and have a serious conversation about whether or not Penelope Cruz’s accent would spoil sex with her. FYI, my husband and I agreed that we’d make it a bondage thing and ask her if we could duct tape her mouth shut.

Yup, that’s a change, all right.

Cat Girl Loses The Fight

Here’s a surreal picture for you, from this naked catfighting gallery by Ultimate Surrender:

It’s hard to see much under that mask, but I think she has pretty lips….

Anal Sex Video That Will Make Your Jaw Drop

…her mother said “Nelly,

there’s more in your belly

than ever went in by your mouth!”

This next link, when clicked, delivers a grainy postage-stamp-sized anal sex video, an extremely explicit one. That’s all the warning you are going to get:

(Link)

Thanks (I think) to Marylu for emailing the link.

Rubbing A Quick One Out

:( My computer died yesterday. I don’t know if I can get it fixed or if I’ll need a new one. I’m at the library, so no good pictures for now. I just had a couple of minutes to check in on a couple of favorite blogs (I only get 15 minutes on the computer, oh the horror!), and got so involved in catching up on sex-play negotiations between Brett and Hiromi at Panties panties panties that there’s no time left!

I’ll be back as soon as I can! :crazy:

One Of The Pitfalls Of Online Romance

I’m a bigger fan of online romance than most (it’s how I found The Nymph, after all, or how she found me, if you want to be a stickler for accuracy) but like any other method of finding true love, it has its unique painful pitfalls. The much-spanked Librarygirl acutely summarizes one of them:

X had been having an online/telephone relationship with a man. They were good friends and had known each other for a little over a year.

They both decided that they would meet, and see if they enjoyed playing. She decided that she would fly out to meet him. So she bought her (non-refundable) ticket and they made plans.

A week ago, they traded pictures. He sent her a picture of him, and she decided it was only fair to send him one of her.

And then he dropped off the face of the planet.

Grrrr. Why would a man of goodwill spend a year in online flirtation if he’s holding out for Pamela Anderson? (Or, even: if looks are a controlling variable in his romantic calculus?) I say again, grrrr.

Taxonomy of Regrettable Fucks

The Twisted Monk is compiling a list of regrettable fucks. Some are familiar (e.g., the pity fuck) but some are new to my lexicon:

Curiosity Fuck: Not really interested in them beyond wondering what color their nipples turn during sex.

Entertaining, but indeed regrettable.

How To Hypnotize A Man

OK, this little flash gimmick is too funny: How To Hypnotize A Man

Via Good Shit.

Too Sexy For His Flashlights

Porn Publisher Rask can be funny as hell, and today he has a question for his readers:

When I go out, I often wear a leather Harley Davidson cap with a long brim. It keeps the sun out of my eyes and it keeps my hair from blowing into my mouth. And it advertises the fact that I’m a biker and ride a big Harley. When I was at Lowes last week, I found some cute little flashlights with clips on them. Perfect to attach to the brim of my cap. Now I can see in the dark, hands-free. When I wear the cap now, the slave gives me a Look. The vibe I’m getting from her is like, “I can’t sleep with a man who wears flashlights on his head.” Now my question is this: Doesn’t the machismo of wearing a Harley Davidson cap offset the geekiness of wearing flashlights on your head? I need to know, just in case I want to have sex again someday. For now, though, being able to see in the dark is gratifying enough.

A tough call, I’d say….

A Pretty Good Dog

Random comedian on Comedy Central just now, talking about fidelity:

“I’m a pretty good dog, but if you don’t pet me once in a while, you’re going to have a hard time keeping me under the porch!”

Oh, To Be In Paris For The Springtime Fashion Shows!

Not just any fashion shows, natch. How about some fetish fashion? Such as this fetching black and red ensemble. Check out the wicked boots!

If that’s a bit too much for your taste, here’s another sexy-hot picture:

Both from photographer Eric Martin’s web site, num-eric. Lots more there too, and for those interested in reading about him in English, I found an Eros Guide interview with him.

The Fun In Sex Blogging

Here’s an interesting paragraph from Violet Blue about the fun she had during her brief reign of terror at five days at the helm of Fleshbot:

It was also very interesting to get so up on where and how to find this information in the blogosphere, and see the various media as they operate, watching sex stories hatch and travel around the ‘net, see how various people handle the topics — and see just how much Fleshbot is watched. I saw certain well-known sites pick up items I had posted, and regurgitate the material, post it on their own sites, and even in the same order that I had put it up, with no reference to Fleshbot. I experimented with them to test my theory. I watched sites try to slam, scoop or discredit things I posted. Facinating.

Although Fleshbot’s way bigger and more prominent than Eros Blog, and not so concerned with getting stuff while it’s still fresh, we’re big enough that I’ve seen what she’s talking about, and it is a lot of fun to watch.

It Has To Do With The Oral Secks

OK, so the deal here is, I’m not going to vouch for this suggestion. My experience is that there’s a good chance this will earn you the side of a flailing fist right on that little soft tender spot along the side of your temple, about an inch back of your eye and up a skosh. But I did think it was, as the kids say, wrote funny:

Ok guys, if you do this then you to can become a God and your woman will worship my penis for it, regardless of how small it is (yes I said MY penis since I’m getting some type of credit here).

So what is it you may ask? Well it has to do with the oral secks. “I go down on my woman all da times” you say, well are you doing it rites I say? Apparently some guys will do the carpet munching thing and as soon as the woman climaxeseses, they stop and stick it in. If you do this then you are one big stupid stupid-head because that is wrong, wrong, wrong! What you need to do is keep going for 5 to 10 more minutes until they can’t take it anymore THEN you can stick it wherever you want. I try to pace myself until she gets there then I start really getting into it once she peaks. She’ll start cursing and kicking and trying to pull me up but I’ll just keep on going until I get tired. Once the woman has been at that point for a while you can do anything your heart desires and all she’ll do is scream for God and ask for more and tell all her friends how great you are. Hopefully she’ll mention me to for telling you dumbasses to begin with.

And there you have it.

The Romance Of The Chastity Belt

I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like:

Unfortunately, I don’t have an artist credit for you, beyond the visible signature.

Redheads Badly Posed

From Sex and Sox, an essay on When Good Redheads Go Bad:

“Hello, Batgirl? Yeah, I found the bitch that stole your mask. She’s a flexible little one, too.”

Oh my, yes.

I Hate Tax Time!

I have a Top Cock for the week, but I’m stuck at work where I can’t enjoy sneaking peeks at the picture, or publishing it here for you. :( I might have enough energy left when I get home to share, but its looking like he’ll hafta wait until tomorrow. I’m really sorry.

Just one more month of this nasty tax season, though. I think I can make it. :plain:

Hickey Happiness!

Lots of teeth and tongue. I have fingerprint bruises on my hips and he actually gave me a hickey on my neck that I didn’t notice until later. I haven’t had an actual hickey that anyone who wasn’t intimate with me could see since high school. It was silly and thank goodness I don’t have to be anywhere important for the next few days, but I like it.

From today’s post over at Freya’s House of Dreams. My mom still teases me about not being sensible enough to be embarrassed about a hickey. Why should I be ashamed that someone liked sucking on me? :)

The History Of Gay Bathhouses

If you’re interested in American sexual history, you’ll enjoy this link: The History of Gay Bathhouses. Thanks to Peep Show Stories.

A Grand Day Out

So when the man said “I like to take my girl out for walks in the woods” I guess I didn’t really have the right mental picture:

But seriously, I don’t know who the photographer is. I found this one on Usenet.

An Ancient Bronze Dildo

It’s a truism in the internet age that sex drives the development of technology. Perhaps this photo gallery of bronze sex toys from ancient China underscores the point, with an example from the days when metallurgy was the cutting edge of high tech:

The Nymph Must Have Bacchus All Tied Up

Or, maybe he’s sick…..what else would explain him not posting yoni or related pictures to balance the cock ones? Well, I’m here to make up for his oversight. ;) Both of these lovely ladies are going to be featured soon at Domai.

To answer the requests I’ve had to post pictures of myself, I’ll say that each of these girls resembles me in some way…..back when I was that age. So there ya go. :P

Like A Verse From A Bawdy Song

This anecdote from My Neighbors Are Hoors sounds like something you’d catch a drunken sailor singing about:

I asked the taxi driver one last thing.

“Now,” says I. “I’ve heard a rumour of a one legged hoor down at the harbour. Is this true?”

I’ve heard this for a few years now and always thought it was just a rumour, but…

“Oh aye. There certainly is. Her ma wheels her down and leaves here there. She just sits with a short skirt and a bottle to keep her warm.”

What’s more, I’ll bet she makes the odd stump fetishist very happy.

Can’t Get Your Salad Tossed?

Trust the fast food industry to find the solution to your little problem:

It might help to be, er, more than usually flexible.

Public Cervix Announcement

Do you remember Annie Sprinkle’s schtick of showing off her cervix as a public service? So does The Educated Slut. She writes:

Just your average, ordinary Thursday night with Jane and Dacia. Guess who bought two pretty new specula?

There are, of course, photos.

Feministas Against Porn

Charges from RollerTrain apparently likes sticking her face right into the bee hive to lick the honey straight off the honeycomb frames, because she’s taken on the “angry young feministas” who disapprove of porn:

In the American porno bizz, blame pushing pisses me off like nothing else. … I don’t buy into victimhood when it boils down to American porn. Not here and not now. I have little sympathy for anyone who tries to score a profit without learning how to score it, especially when you’re trying to score off anything other than your mind.

When your goal is money, you better be damned sure of three things: You know what you’re getting into, you like what you’re getting into, and if the first two things don’t apply, you learn from your failures. Porn or not, we’ll always fuck up. But if you decide not to learn from your own mistakes, especially in something as simple as porn, you choose your victimhood.

Arguing that “porn victimizes the women who appear in it” disrespects and belittles the freedom of choice exercised by the women who appear in porn. I’d say that sort of infantalizing argument does more damage to women than porn could ever dream of doing.

Spooge Poetry

No, really. I just found two blessedly short odes to spooge.

Enjoy.

How To Not Get Laid

Sure, there are lots of ways to not get laid. (Trust me, in my youth I practiced several.) But this method of replying to kinky personal ads has to rank WAY up there. “You eventually give me total access to your soul and I accept the responsibility as an honor….” Does that sound like a fellow who might be two people short of a threesome?

Thanks to Mistress Matisse for finding the link to total-access-man’s sarcastic tormenter.

Splendor In The Weeds (Ouch Ouch)

I never dreamed that doing a sex blog could be so educational. The latest horizon broadened: ‘Sado-Botany’: A Nettle FAQ. Everything you always wanted to know about rubbing stinging nettles on people, but were afraid to ask. From Urtication: Sex and Nettles via Spanking Blog.

In the immortal words of the Defective Detective: “Wipes! Wipes!”

Another Pussy Speaks

This week’s Friday Pussy Blogging is from Mercurial Girl:

Hi! Kim’s pussy here. Well girls, tell me, shall we dish? Yes, I thought so.

When she was little I had this thing going with her mouth. We had this agreement that we would keep her hands busy. Her thumb was always in her mouth and her other hand in the diaper.

:laugh: She could be my sister!

I enjoyed her pussy blogging alot, and then visited her own blog, also much fun. Mercurial Girl is an American prostitute in Paris–go on, you know you want to check her out!

Supergirl In Bondage

You might find this detail from the cover of Action Comics No. 339 (July 1966) entertaining. Supergirl kneels in her mini-skirt in a cage, what’s not to like?

From Comic Book Bondage Cover Of The Day, via Bondage Blog.

On Not Being A Dick

In the last couple of weeks I’m sorry to say there’s been a huge influx of nastiness into the ErosBlog comments. (I’ve had to delete more comments in the last week than in the entire six months prior.) We’ve got a lot of new readers right now, and perhaps some of you aren’t aware of the one rule for commenting here:

“Don’t be a dick.”

Here’s my original explanation, reposted from the archives:

Don’t Be A Dick

When I got to college, one of the two poor sophomores assigned to my freshman dorm to inject some sanity thereinto called us clueless freshmen together and spake thusly:

“In a lot of these freshmen entries, they have all kinds of rules. I don’t like rules. So we are only going to have one. Don’t be a dick.”

And we mostly weren’t, and we had a great time. The moral and political lesson I took from that, namely that small communities don’t really need more than one rule, is possibly the most valuable thing I learned in college. Thanks, Josh!

By popular demand…I’ve decided to install a commenting facility here at ErosBlog. However, I’d like to ask you all to remember Josh’s rule. I work at keeping the tone here relentlessly sex-positive and unwaveringly non-judgmental. I may slip up, but that’s the goal.

I welcome your comments, but I’m simply not interested in creating a forum for haters, condemnators, repressive creeps, and the like. Lively debate, at times, is to be expected. But nastiness and anti-sex messages (and personal attacks of any sort, on anyone) will probably be deleted summarily. Be nice and play nice, please?

Thank you.

Further exposition, which should not be needed, but seems to be:

If you’re posting personal attacks against other commenters, you’re probably being a dick.

If you’re posting hostile criticism of anyone, including the people I quote or post about, you’re probably being a dick.

If you are using profanity or sexual slurs to describe anyone, you’re probably being a dick.

If you’re condemning anyone’s sexual choices, you’re probably being a dick. If you are criticising anyone’s sexual choices without exaggerated politeness, you’re probably being a dick.

Don’t be a dick.

That is all! (Oh, except for: thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you who play nicely and make the comment-moderating duty worthwhile.)

The Burbman; And The Animal

It’s nice to see others improving their sex lives, it gives me hope that I’ll have one again someday. Starting in February, the Burbman over at Suburban Sex Blog resumed more regular posting, with the good news that he and his wife seem to have turned their sexless marriage back into something fun for both of them. He’s also offering to help others in similar situations. Good on ya, Burbman!

A few people have written me regarding my preference for hairy men. At this point my only preference is for a live, decent man, but it is true that I don’t like a guy who’s artificially smooth. I was trying to figure out how to say exactly what I don’t like about overly bare guys, but the Dirty Talking Girl beat me to it:

I love male body hair.

I can’t imagine him shaving or, god forbid, waxing, and I don’t understand women who require smoothness in a man.

I think they’re afraid of the animal.

Maybe…..or maybe all the glitzy porn images have led both men and women to expect silky smoothness everywhere. Sure, hair can get in the way or be inconvenient sometimes, but I’ll never forget the guy who got me soaking wet by just playing with my pubes…..pulling gently on a few hairs beginning near my ass and working his way up, sometimes twirling or tickling, but never touching my skin until I was begging him to bury his cock in me. Mmmmmmmm……

In Which Mistresse Matisse Gets Squicked

This is a woman who frequently does things, the observation of which would probably send me screaming from the room like a California Democrat girlyman. But strong stomach or no, some requests are too much:

Caller: Do you do dog-play?

See, very tame. This guy wants to pretend he’s a dog and have me put a collar on him, make him bark and spank him with a rolled-up newspaper. Hopefully he won’t hump my leg, though.

Me: Sure, I do doggie role-play.

Caller: Role-play?

Me: Yes – you want to do a scene where you pretend to be a dog, right?

Caller: No, um…That’s not what I mean. I mean, do you have…um…Do you have a dog? A real dog?

Okay, I think I was wrong about him being tame. But, oh, I really hope this isn’t what I think it is.

Whistling past the graveyard, oh my yes.

A Visit To The Chapel

Just a funny romantic picture (source unknown) to drive the penis down the page a bit:

I wonder if this is the outhouse Mr. Flynt had in mind when he published his infamous libel against Mr. Falwell?

Another Uncut For This Week’s Top Cock

Sorry I’m late with this!! Way too busy these days, and my ISP was having problems all day yesterday. I’ll post the runners-up after I get some sleep, for now, please enjoy this lovely uncut, retracted specimen belonging to the editor of sixtynined.

[image removed on 3/19/05 at Milo the model’s request]

The World Is Different For Men And Women

It’s hardly a novel idea that men and women experience the world very differently. But this anecdote from Octavia Arena drives home the point:

In the last 48 hours I have spent a significant amount of time with FIVE seperate men whom I count as friends who would not have sex with me. Not that I propositioned all of them, just two of them, the other three are a given. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that there are men in my life who enjoy my company and intellect without being carnally interested in me.

Note the tone of marvel and wonder. Ladies, that’s what it’s like for single men all the time.

Unfortunate Mental Images Of Fisting

Er, OK, I realize that there are already some people out there who aren’t prepared to think fisting sounds or looks sexy. If you’re one of them, this may not help:

We first watched a lot of fisting footage we downloaded. Lots of stores here won’t carry fisting titles. Brett called around, blithely asking whether they carried fisting videos as I cowered behind the couch, as if someone were watching or listening. Anyway, I watched the downloaded footage, fascinated yet utterly baffled.. not so much sexually aroused as reminded of the times I’ve reached into the cavity of a turkey or chicken carcass to pull out the giblets. These unfortunate images kept popping into my mind as I put my hand in Brett’s ass.

That’s from Hiromi, at Panties Panties Panties.