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Eater Problems

Sunday, August 2nd, 2026 -- by Bacchus

I’m not sure I’m 100% on board with the modern “eaters” slang for men who are avid cunnilingus enthusiasts. Perhaps I’ve watched too many zombie movies. But the cultural zeitgeist goes where it will, without consulting me. And Shawna says eaters are a problem:

I do occasionally indulge in “real men” discourse, and I’m indulging myself now: with appropriate consents in place, real men aspire to be precisely this kind of problem!

Transcript:

Eaters are a fucking problem, okay? I don’t make the rules, they just are. They will hold your ass down in that fucking sniper position and you’re not going fucking anywhere. Okay? You think you’re done? No. Haha, no, no, no, no, no. Not until they are. Whenever they’re pleased with their work, they will let you know. But until then, you are at their mercy.

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Eating Cake, And Her

Sunday, April 12th, 2026 -- by Bacchus

In Pack Rivals: Part Two by Hanna Haze, our man Nate brought Bea an apology cake. She took it as an opportunity for some serious flirting, which had the consequences you would expect when an omega teases an alpha in an Omegaverse novel:

I reach into the box, scoop a massive piece of frosting into my hand and throw it right at his face.

It smacks him on the nose.

For a long second we both stare at each other, icing dripping off his face. Then I dive for the box as he does the same, our hands scrabbling inside as we both fight to grab more cake.

I pull my hand out first, taking my opportunity at his closeness to slam a handful of cake in his face. He swears and then tries to do the same to me.

I yelp and attempt to dodge away but he grabs my arm and smears cake all over my face.

I blink away icing and lick at my lips, unable to help but laugh hard.

He grins at me. “You have a bit of cake on your face, little bird.”

“Really, where?” I ask innocently.

He drags me closer and then he’s kissing me, sponge and frosting melting into our mouths as his hot lips claim mine. My breath halts in my chest and then I melt into him.

His hand slides around to cup the back of my neck, smearing cake into my hair, and he pulls me in closer as his other hand comes to claim my waist.

I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t let him rock up with a cake and think he can kiss me. He hurt me. They all used me.

But right now, while he’s kissing me, I find it really damn hard to remember why I was mad with him in the first place.

I’m too busy feeling.

He nibbles at my lips and then his mouth strays lower, along my jaw and down to my throat, nipping all the way.

“Hmmm, this cake tastes pretty good.” He licks all the way up my neck, making me shudder. “Or maybe it’s just you, little bird.”

“Just because you made me a cake, doesn’t mean I forgive you,” I whimper, as the hand at my waist finds the tie of my gown.

“Let me give you something else to show you how sorry I am then.” he says.

“Wh-wh-wh-what?” I whisper, as his hand slips under my gown and against my skin. His touch feels heavenly. It feels like an eternity since anyone touched me and my body rings like a bell.

He pulls back and gives me one of those wicked grins I know means trouble.

I should definitely stop things now. I should definitely send him on his way. I should definitely not lean into his touch as his hand slides over my ribs and cups my breast, squeezing ever so gently. Far more gently than I’d expect of a man like Nate. He flicks his calloused thumb over my nipple and then he lifts me up onto the counter and rolls me down flat.

God, I’ve been imagining this ever since I met these alphas.

I’ve done a really efficient job of resisting them, of resisting all the things they could do to me, resisting all the things I could do to them. But oh jeez has it been hard! And as his mouth comes down to kiss my nipple and suck it up into his mouth, I realize I want to stop resisting for just one moment. For just once.

“I’m going home,” I whisper to him. “Back to Naw Creek.” He pauses, his dark eyes connecting with mine. “I’m telling you because I don’t want to use you, Nate. If you want to stop …”

He holds my gaze, his eyes swirling, not with their usual mischief but with something like a plea.

I’m not sure what he’s pleading for. Permission? Forgiveness? For me to stay?

My heart pounds in my ears and my stomach swoops with anticipation. I want him to keep touching me. I want him to keep kissing me. I don’t want him to stop.

“Whether you stay or fly away, little bird, I want to show you just how damn sorry I am.”

He trails a line of reverent kisses down my body, lower and lower until he reaches the apex of my legs. He nudges them apart and then he falls to his knees.

“Where I should always be when in your presence, little bird.”

In my next panted breath, his mouth is right where I need it, right where I’ve wanted it for weeks and weeks.

Karl never liked to do this. Karl was never good at it. Karl would rather crawl through broken glass than get down on his knees for me. And yet here this alpha is doing just that.

I’ve always wondered if being eaten out is as amazing as other girls make out.

When Nate’s tongue hits my clit, I know instantly that it is. Oh my lord it is.

I stuff my own fist in my mouth to stop from crying out as agonizingly slowly he swirls the tip of his wet tongue around my sensitive nub, my toes curling in pleasure, and the pulse between my legs hammering like crazy.

“So fucking delicious,” he groans, the sound vibrating all the way to my core as he slides his tongue through my folds towards my hole and then back to my clit. He continues this steady stroke, around and around my clit, then down to my hole.

My skin tingles, the nerves in my body are electric and alive, and every sweep of his tongue heavenly torture.

My fingers tangle in his hair and I can’t help tugging it, willing him to go harder, to give me more.

He growls, deep and low and I almost come into his mouth right then and there.

“Need more,” I pant.

“Going to give you more, little bird, but I want to make you sing for me first.” I curse at him but he only repeats his growls and continues those delicious sweeps of his tongue.

When the tears start to spill down my cheeks, he finally gives me more. His tongue moving more quickly, flicking against my clit and making me buck, my hips lifting from the counter.

“Yes, baby, thrust your sweet smelling pussy into my mouth. I could eat you out all fucking night and every single day.”

I whimper and he kisses my cunt – properly French kisses it – sucking me up into his mouth, and making my legs shake around his head.

“Oh God!” I mutter, my fist falling from my mouth as I suck in air, dizzy with the sensations he’s driving through my body. “Oh God! Oh god, oh god, oh god.”

“Just like that little bird, just like that.”

He pecks at my clit and the cool metal of his lip ring hits against it.

I scream out.

“Like that?” he asks.

“Hmmmm,” I moan. And he does it again, knocking the metal against me over and over and over again until I lose all sense of time and place, the sensations buzzing through my body, harder and harder, until I can’t breathe, I can’t see, I can’t hear, all I can do is feel.

I come, ecstasy crashing through my wrecked body, tears swimming down my cheeks, my body jolting and bolting with each glorious wave of pleasure, until I collapse down, washed up and wrecked and tingling all over.

He continues to lap between my legs, purring into my folds, bringing me down slowly to Earth.

Now that, I think we could all agree, is a handsome apology!

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When The Cat Is Too Fresh

Wednesday, April 8th, 2026 -- by Bacchus

Sedona Violet is talking from a lesbian perspective here, but I don’t find a word to disagree with. Her flabbers are ghasted at the notion that pussy, or coochie as she calls it, must be shower-fresh to be palatable. She says “unflavored cat is diabolical” and I am inclined to agree:

Here’s what she has to say about it:

Someone made a video talking about how people have a problem eating “walked-in coochie”… you know, coochie that’s had time to marinate in its own juices. And all I have to say to that is: do you bitches not season your food?

Because what do you mean, you only eat freshly washed cat? Sans salt? Sans flavor? Sans taste?

The fuck?

It’s not even just that it doesn’t taste like anything. It tastes like soap! Is that really what you wanna be eating? You want soapy cooter-cat in your mouth?

When it’s that fresh, it takes at least a round or two to get a little bit of flavor going in that bitch. And what do you do then? Stop and clean it up? Do you make her take another shower? Because, ooh, I can taste you now?

I don’t think y’all are gay enough for me!

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Seeing How Things Are Made

Saturday, December 6th, 2025 -- by Bacchus

Women worry too much sometimes. There’s a joke about vegans that goes a little bit like this:

A man was talking to a vegan who was trying to dissuade him from eating meat. The vegan tells him “If you ever once saw how pigs were slaughtered, you’d never eat bacon again.”

The guy says to the vegan “Listen here, buddy. I watched my wife give birth to two babies, and I still love to eat her pussy on the regular!”

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A Well-Eaten Pussy

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2025 -- by Bacchus

These two scenes of enthusiastic (by 1970s porn standards, anyway) cunnilingus are from an undated 1970s Color Climax: Pornography In Color magazine:

eating pussy while Ann-Margret watches

eating pussy under a poster of Ann-Margaret

The huge poster of Ann-Margret in the background definitely classes up the shots, don’t you think? Maybe there’s a poster collector who can tell us when it was published, putting an early-bound date on the photos.

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Posture For Pussy Licking

Wednesday, April 30th, 2025 -- by Bacchus

Here is an observation about good posture from DatSouthernSassHole:

She says:

“I learned something new today. Good kitty-eaters? Don’t eat kitty with their butts up the air. Them motherfuckers lay down like snappers.

It’s all about leverage, traction, and getting a good angle! If you can keep your boots on you’ve got more options, but this is considered gauche in polite circles.

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Japanese Precision Face-Sitting

Wednesday, August 26th, 2020 -- by Bacchus

She’s in complete control of this face-sitting encounter and the look of perfect concentration on her face is exquisite. Done right, this project requires precision!

japanese woman sits precisely down on a male face for precision cunnilingus

Indications here are that this image leaped the boundary from the Japanese-language porn internets in 2009 via a now-defunct tumblr called JapanSex.

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Pussy: Superfood

Thursday, May 17th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

Memo to that pussy-hating hip-hop dude from last week: in ancient China, pussy was considered a superfood. No, really. According to Kate Lister, who y’all may know from Twitter as @WhoresOfYore:

For example, in ancient China, Taoism taught ingesting vaginal secretions would strengthen the Yang (male) essence. Therefore, pussy was not only celebrated, it was a superfood. Take that, kale crisps.

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Cunnilingus — And She’s Holding His Head

Sunday, January 7th, 2018 -- by Bacchus

It’s really quite rare to see vintage erotic art that centers female pleasure to this extent. I mean, our dude is obviously not reluctant or anything; he’s buried his face in her pussy with vigor and intent. But she’s clearly enjoying herself, urging him onward with a firm hand:

wighead pussy eating cunnilingus

Once again this is artwork from an unidentified artist, thought to be “‘Wighead’“, illustrating Ode a Venus aka Ode au Vagin by Clovis Hugues.

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Making A Good Meal Of Carpet

Tuesday, February 28th, 2017 -- by Bacchus

When I was a much younger man, “carpet munching” was a somewhat-derisive term for eating pussy (pussies were likelier to have hair in those days) and for whatever reason “carpet muncher” was a derogatory term for a lesbian (I never heard it applied to a man, oddly enough). I can’t say quite why this vintage photograph of a woman in firm and pleasurable control of her dining situation and her floor coverings reminded me of those ancient slangs:

Tawny Pearl / Susan Pearlman getting her pussy eaten

A bit of digging turned up the information that the photo is probably from a Showgirl Superstars magazine identifying our lady as Sue Pearlman, who is perhaps better known as Tawny Pearl, under which name this photo is most widely identified across the porn web. As you might have suspected anyway from facial structure, another photograph of Sue/Tawny getting boned on the same shag carpet suggests that our diner in the instant photograph is in fact a dude. His name did not turn up in my research.

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Lesbian Breakfast

Saturday, February 13th, 2016 -- by Bacchus

Who needs warm buttered toast when there’s fresh hot pussy on the menu?

pussy for breakfast

From Sssh.com.

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A Taste Of The Flesh

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014 -- by Bacchus

vintage cunillingus photo

Is he some sort of orthodox priest? Naughty, naughty priest!

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Man Training, Lollipop Edition

Thursday, October 25th, 2012 -- by Bacchus

Am skeptical that this would actually work on a dude with powerful hangups, but this (from a dead tumblr) would be worth a try. Work or not, the last line, at least, is Truth:

Girls, if you are having trouble getting your man to pleasure you with his face, casually ask him one day what his favorite sucker flavor is. Wait a few days. Then, outta nowhere, start sucking on them, again for a few days, but not during sex. Just randomly tell him that he was right, and they taste really, really good. Casually ask him at one point if he wants one. He eats it, and you remind him of how good it is and how right he was. Then get down on your knees, and blow him slop-style. Wait a few more days. Finally, be waiting for him when he comes home from wherever, and do this with that flavored sucker. Fully bald, clean asshole. The shoes, the whole nine-yards. If he doesn’t do it then, never will. Get a new one.

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