Almost a decade ago I posted one man’s account of his experience of prostate milking. He didn’t share a prostate milking photo, though. Even though he was a BDSM pornographer/photographer who loved to capture the kinky stuff that went down in his bedroom. Apparently he found the process too distracting to document in real time…

Anyway, a few years later, the world ended.

What? You don’t remember? Folks thought the Mayan calandar predicted doom on December 21, 2012. When the trump didn’t blow, they said “Oops! 2013, then.”

Yeah, no worries, as it turned out. But at the time and just in case, Mistress Madeline Marlowe and Lance Hart decided to film The Last Prostate Ever Milked On Earth. Spoiler: it turned out not to be. Oh well!

But every busted apocalyptic prediction has an upside. The upside here? A nice prostate milking photo at long last. A sort of companion piece and visual aid bookend for that ten-year-old blogged account. All thinks come to (or upon) they who wait!

Photo: Milking Lance Hart’s Prostate

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It looks like our soccer dude has just been deprived of his pants — somewhat to his surprise. And he’s about to be drained of some of his vital essences. Does European football have a tradition of aggressive “cougar” fans who lurk in locker rooms and ravish sweaty sports heroes?

Artwork is from the cover of Infedelta #7.

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I thought I was so damned clever.

I was trying to fix a busted Tumblr link in a post from 2010. First I checked the Wayback Machine, but it only had two crawl snapshots and both of them were broken. (They were empty redirects from some point when Tumblr was jerking web crawlers around.)

Then I had a bright idea. Hey! Isn’t this one of the Tumblrs I backed up myself using HTTRack? I checked, and it was. Glory! I should have that post saved right here, on my very own hard drive. I can’t fix the link with that, but I could snag the content and rewrite my own post to quote it, replacing the dead link that way. Yay.

Like I said, I thought I was so damned clever. It took some rummaging to find that post on my hard drive, but finally I was in the correct subdirectory. Bing! There was the .html. Bam! There’s a media file. Boom! I win…

Boom. I do not win. Pornocalypse. Fuck:

A long time ago, before Tumblr just started deleting whole porn blogs, their moderators would sometimes replace an image with this lecturing Tumblr-mascot. This was years ago. But some time between when I built the link in 2010 and when the entire Tumblr in question got blown away by the recent sweeping #pornocalypse, apparently this one post fell afoul of… well, we’ll never know, now.

There was a time when I could have worked though the Tumblr notes archived with my missing post, looking for sites that reblogged it, and trying those reblogs one-by-one in the WayBack Machine until I found one that got archived before the mishap that got the image replaced by Professor Guidelines. That’s the kind of obsessive research I do, sometimes. And I tried it, but no joy. It’s all broken parts and missing pieces now. There’ not enough left anywhere to piece anything together. Every site that ever reblogged that post is gone now, or locked up tight inside Tumblr’s “sensitive materials” gulag. And none of them ever got archived; none are in the WayBack Machine.

Yeah. It’s just a broken link, Bacchus. Let it go. Yeah, no, I know. I don’t have any other choice, do I?

Pornocalypse. Fuck!

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Some time in early 1984, the famously-busty black porn model and actress Veronica Diemen took a shower. She invited the photographers from Players Girls Pictorial to photograph her for their July 1984 issue. They diligently captured her legendary assets as she soaped up her tits and ass:

In truth this bottom-washing shot reminds me of a much more vintage post from 2008. Rub-a-dub-dub, two buns and a scrub!

Now we are led to wonder whether Veronica was hungry. Because, it turns out, she took a huge bundle of grapes into the shower along with her bar of soap. An obvious choice! After scrubbing herself vigorously (to get rid of the soap, sure) she moved on to the picnic part of the shower scene:

But why eat grapes in the shower? A mango, now, that’s just sensible. I could understand that. No mess, no fuss, all that sticky sweet juice just washes away. But grapes?

It’s all about the art, my friend. She knew, I speculate, precisely what it did to the male observer when she raised her arms above her head like that. It was a strategem, I say. A scheme to justify uplifting those famous Veronica Diemen breasts of hers for the camera lense. But however artful it was, I don’t find that I mind so very much:

Sadly I can’t find much biographical information for Veronica Diemen. As an “ebony” model with big tits she got a lot of work in the second half of the 1970s, but not much is on the web about her life. Only one thing is certain: she appeared in a great many porn magazines. The following list is surely very partial: Playmen (Italy), Pechos Grandes (Spain), Players, Players Girls, Players Girls Pictorial, Mayfair, Club International, Rits (Holland), Gem, Gents, and Queen Size. She made movies, too, appearing in an 8mm Harrison Marks film called Tailor Made, a sex comedy called Keep It Up Jack (as Veronica Pieters), uncredited in The Girl From Starship Venus, and in at least one Color Climax loop.

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What better way to start of 2019 than with some big old vintage, retro, brightly-colored love?

I rescued the “LOVE” artwork for this post from the title art for an otherwise forgettable bit of porn-magazine text-filler tripe in the October 1980 Video X magazine. Click the image for a higher-resolution art sample, especially if you have a project you want to use it for. (It would make great header art for a blog or a social media profile, don’t you think?)

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This is always the problem with masquerade parties for adults. It is also, arguably, the point of masquerade parties for adults:

What happens in the clown suit, stays in the clown suit!

Cartoon is from a 1980s German porn magazine Pleasure.

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There’s a lot I don’t know about Annie Sprinkle, and you may not either. For instance, did you know that she used to publish a watersports/pissing ‘zine called The Sprinkle Report? I found this announcement for it in the August 1981 issue of Adult Cinema Review:

The rather precious blurb reads:

Urinationalists, welcome to the main stream! With the publication of Annie Sprinkle’s first Tinkle Report, your beloved hobby finally has a quality scholarly journal. Annie’s new newsletter, printed beautifully on beautiful paper, should be to the Golden Shower set what fire hydrants are to Golden Retrievers — an absolute must. Kinky pix, potty poetry, and art that’s strictly #1 make this a fund to read publication…

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