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The Sex Blog Of Record
Friday, January 19th, 2018 -- by Bacchus
I know it seems awfully early to be thinking about Valentines day gift ordering with the cold chill of late-mid January still holding much of the nation in its iron grip, but hearts-and-chocolates day with (hopefully) a bit of make-an-extra-effort even-better-than-usual sex will be upon us before you know it. And while I cheerfully acknowledge that ErosBlog was long ago surpassed by a crop of knowledgeable and ridiculously expert sex toy review bloggers as a place for getting genuinely detailed information about modern sex toys, I still feel remiss in my sex-blogger duties if I don’t alert you to the major highlights of the larger holiday blowout sex toy sales.
Since ErosBlog is not fundamentally a BDSM-focused publication, I’ll limit my sale picks on the kinky side of things to a couple of the most heavily-discounted, high-ticket items that offer you the biggest potential for major savings, before moving on to slightly-more-vanilla sex toys. The first kinky bargain I want to highlight is the Joanna Angel Bondage Essentials starter kit:
The second kinky bargain is the Bolero straitjacket in festive holiday red leather. These are the special design that lets you tuck away your submissive’s arms without inhibiting access to her breasts:
(I say “her” because the makers have somewhat-explicitly gendered this design; they offer a different Bolero for men, but it doesn’t come in red and it’s not on sale.)
Moving on from toys that are explicitly kinky, the sales still have plenty to offer! My absolute favorite seasonal goody has got to be the Naughty Candy Hearts butt plugs:
Another good discount is on the KinkLab Mystic Vibe Wireless Vibrating Egg, which seems to have a lot of potential for couples fun, depending on who controls the remote:
I truly wish I’d gotten my hands on a review model of this toy before it came on sale, though, because quite a few years ago these sort of wireless eggs tended to have really weak radios and weren’t reliably responsive. KinkLab usually doesn’t anything that isn’t good, so I expect this one works as advertised. Anyway the advertising claim is impressive; they claim the remote can control the egg “from up to 10 meters away” “in an entirely different room”. That sounds good enough, anyway, to cover the really important use case, which is making your partner squirm on the other side of a table during dinner in a fancy restaurant!
Finally, because half the fun of V-Day sex is trying something new (at least if you’re dead sure it’s something both parties want to try, it’s never a good time to pull out all the gear for a surprise fantasy) I’m going to link you the Tantus Bend Over Harness Kit for Beginners, that comes with “everything a beginner sensuous player would need to strap it on” including a low-riding harness with adjustable nylons straps plus large and small silicone dildos:
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Sunday, December 13th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
My apologies; so much has been going on with me that I have nearly let the first half of December get away without reminding y’all of the regular seasonal sex toy sales that happen this time of year. Worse yet, I have not had plenty of time to lovingly peruse the sales and share with you my favorite sale items (which usually means “most heavily discounted” items, since I am a cheapskate from way back). No detailed ErosBlog Guide To The Sexmas Sale this year, sorry! But I did notice with interest that that the Experimental Bondage Kit (a great non-threatening way to start bringing bondage gear into the house) is not only discounted, but available in festive Christmas red. Can you say “stocking suffer”, boys and girls? I knew you could!
If for some reason you can’t say “stocking stuffer”, now is the time to practice. Just say it over and over until it starts to sound dirty. (That’s when you’ll know you’re saying it right!)
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Monday, November 23rd, 2015 -- by Bacchus
The whole Black Friday and Cyber Monday complex of sales has found its way to the sex toy business, to your benefit and mine. Remember the Six Gates Of Pride rainbow cock cage that delighted so many when it came out last spring? Well, it’s one of the many items being heavily discounted just now:
Another item previously featured here on ErosBlog that’s on discount this time of year is the set of Shower Sex Bondage Cuffs with suction cups:
Not seen here before, but utterly awesome in a slightly-disturbing kind of way, is this ominous Leather Apron, which should protect you from the environmental hazards of your messier kink activities:
Sex toy sales are always so much fun!
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Friday, August 30th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
If the discomforts of sex in the shower register in your sexual wiring as a feature rather than a bug, perhaps you need some sexy shower-sex cuffs (waterproof with “industrial-strength” suction cups) so that you or your favorite submissive can be detained in the wet for just a little bit longer?
And for an extra clean-but-kinky weekend, maybe you also need the Classic Clyster Enema Syringe? Enjoy!
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Thursday, July 21st, 2011 -- by Bacchus
I was looking through the new sex toys on the market this week when I saw something that made me clutch at my genitals reflexively. That doesn’t happen very often, but unless you’re already an aficionado of this fetish, I think you’ll understand why, when you see it:
It’s the Giant Penis Plug, and the sales copy doesn’t help much:
Grooved for your pleasure, this appealing streamlined-design penis plug features a gently tapered, round point for easy insertion into the urethra. Running along the plug’s sleek steel shaft are five deep, machined grooves, equal distance apart from one another, creating a ribbed texture for intensified urethra stimulation. Mounted on the end of the plug is a slender, graceful steel curved arm with an attached bead. Connected to the fixed bead is a detachable head ring that is worn tightly around the head of the penis, so the plug will not slip too far in or slide out.
When I see the phrase “intensified urethra stimulation” all I can think of is a good old-fashioned Monty Python line: “Run away! Run away!”
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Saturday, January 2nd, 2010 -- by Bacchus
For some reason, the new “Ballz Gag” strikes me as one of those concepts that nobody thought all the way through:
The photograph of the product in use is quite funny; the look on the woman’s face could earn her a place on a “PWNED” pic. However, a moment’s reflection is enough to make a fellow wonder, just who is PWNED in this picture? As the sales copy says:
Don’t think that you are in complete control though! Your partner may be the one with a pair of balls strapped to their face but if they decide to move, you have no choice but to follow, lest you want to lose your jewels.
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Sunday, February 1st, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Today when I wandered over to the Stockroom website I found a poetry contest with a prize worth more than professional poets tend to make upon publication these days. The booty is a special edition pink version of their Bolero Straightjacket:
Apparently if pink doesn’t work for you as a prize, they’ll substitute a black one, or even (you fussy winner, you!) their more standard-cut Premium Leather Straightjacket. (The black Bolero has been previously featured on ErosBlog; and now they have a red version as well.)
So fire up your poetical engines and start cranking out some (un)suitable verse! “There once was a man from Nantucket…”
Er, on second thought, I’m pretty sure a limerick is not going to win this one.
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Friday, October 24th, 2008 -- by Bacchus
If you’re a regular sex blog reader or writer, you’re probably aware of EdenFantasys.com (Eden Fantasys). They’re one of the many companies competing for your internet sex toy dollar, and they are more prominent than many because they spread a fair amount of money (and sex toys) around the blogging community in exchange for reviews and attention. They never impressed me much — despite advertising briefly on ErosBlog — because their store front and inventory always seemed hopelessly “more of the same” to me, with nothing to distinguish the brand. But, probably, that’s just me.
One of the smart things they did was to hire AAG (formerly “Always Aroused Girl”), whose sex blogger credentials and contacts were (and are) very good, to do PR and outreach for them. And she did it well.
The not smart thing? When their business relationship with her went sour, they refused, she says, to pay her for work performed. Apparently they forgot the first rule of business, which is that your PR professional remains a PR professional even after she stops being your PR professional.
My own many years of doing business over the internet have taught me something that serious businessmen already knew — namely, that business is all about trust, and especially about character. I’ve quoted J.P. Morgan before: “A man I do not trust could not get money from me on all the bonds in Christendom.” Thus, in my opinion, a person, or a company, that fails to resolve its business disputes on the labor side, is also the sort of outfit that can’t be trusted to fairly resolve its disputes on the customer side. Whatever the details of AAG’s dispute with EdenFantasys.com, I know her well enough to know that she’s not unreasonable. If they failed to resolve their dispute with her, I personally don’t trust them to resolve their dispute with you, if you should be unhappy with your results after playing the big internet gambling game that is forking over your credit card and ordering merchandise from Hera-only-knows-where.
Hence, this warning.
There are plenty of sex toy stores on the internet. You don’t need to take a risk on an outfit that treats its contract employees unfairly.
One final note: Eden Fantasys is currently sending out spammy form letters to sex bloggers, seeking to arrange link exchanges, toy reviews, and the like. If you get (or have gotten) any of these, you might consider responding with a suggestion that they resolve their dispute with AAG. I’m sure she would appreciate the support.
Friday, August 29th, 2008 -- by Bacchus
Remember the foot with the pussy in it? That was a manufactured fetish object, sadly no longer available.
The foot nipple, on the other hand, just growed. It’s real, all right; there are pictures. The foot nipple even has those wayward nipple hairs growing out of it. (We’ve seen them before, too.)
Apparently nipples in unusual places are not that that unusual, in the grand scheme of things, but the foot nipple is a first in the medical literature:
A 22-year-old woman sought medical care for a lesion in the plantar region of her left foot, a well-formed nipple surrounded by areola and hair…. To our knowledge, this is the first report of supernumerary breast tissue on the foot.
…
Anomalies associated with breast development are not uncommon. Supernumerary nipples, and less frequently supernumerary breasts, are present in about 1-5 percent of the population. Such alterations are more common in women, usually occurring along the embryonic milk line, which extends from the axilla to the groin.
Supernumerary breast tissue (SBT) is rarely found beyond the mammary line. However, the back, shoulder, face, and thigh have been described as sites of SBT development.
Thanks to The Beautiful Kind for blogging this.
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
The Christmas Shopping Season is upon us, and I’ve begun to realize it’s time and past time to make my online shopping orders. The Nymph having an automatic “it’s pink? squeeee!” reaction that impairs her saving throws against my evil plans, I surfed over to The Twisted Monk to see if the long-awaited pink bondage rope ever made it into his permanent inventory. (Answer: yes. My evil plan is complete, muah ha ha!)
However much fun we might have with the Monk’s custom ropes (and you’ve got to love a bondage rope merchant who includes a free pair of emergency shears with every order) I have to admit that a shortage of bondage ropes (or any other sex toy goodies, for that matter) is not the biggest problem at Casa Bacchus. No, the biggest problem is that sex toys come rattling out from under the couch when a guest sits down on it, or there’s a leather paddle that came in the review mail sitting on the coffee table when somebody’s aunt shows up unannounced. In a word, I can never have enough discrete toyboxes, toy bags, and the like. Plus, I love wooden boxes, and old-fashioned containers of all kinds. (Sometimes I’m tempted to start a distillery, just so I can have all those lovely oak barrels.) So, naturally enough, the Twisted Monk 2007 Holiday Gift Box caught my eye. It’s a pine box with a lid (semi-discreet, in that it’s branded with the Twisted Monk bondage logo) that comes with a rope kit and a DVD of Monk’s instructional bondage videos. Monk calls them “boxes of potential orgasms”, especially after his customers started writing in and ordering other merchandise (bondage books, naughty undies) to be included in the gift boxes before shipping.
What, you think that sounds like good service? That’s nothing, nothing I tell you! You should read about the customer who wanted the Twisted Monk Boyshorts, but only if Monk would “maybe step on the panties” with his “sexy boots”. Result: one sexy (because the customer is always right) boot print:
And to think, I was just looking for a pretty bit of rope!
Monday, November 12th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
I admit it, it’s a fool’s errand trying to understand fetishes not your own. Too often it’s a hard-wiring issue: a fetish is a fetish and that’s that, no explanation possible or required.
That said, some fetishes are more mysterious to me than others. Take, for instance, the humble straight jacket:
Outside the world inhabited by violent inmates, the point of this garment sort of eludes me. Sure, it’s a bondage thing, a helplessness and (unless you’re Harry Houdini) hard-to-escape kink. But, sexual-fetish-wise, what’s the point of getting somebody all tied up if, once you’ve done it, you can’t hardly get at them?
And that’s where the implacable march of technology comes in. The world’s more intrepid sexual adventurers have invented what they are calling The Bolero Straitjacket:
Sez the catalog copy:
Sexy. Sensuous. Functional. What more could you ask for in a straitjacket? How about stylish, innovative and chic?
The Bolero Straitjacket is all of these and more in a cropped strait jacket made of high quality, light and medium weight garment leather, latigo belting and nickel-plated hardware.
Like a traditional straitjacket, it has a buckling collar and back closures in addition to the extra long glove-like sleeves that extend beyond the fingertips. The sleeves end with a small rectangular ring on one and a strap on the other.
The features that make it unique are its cropped length and the vertically and horizontally adjustable chest strap which leave nearly the entire chest and back exposed. The proper positioning assured by the cropped feature and the adjustable chest strap makes the traditional crotch strap unnecessary without sacrificing functionality as a restraint.
And just like that, boom! Problem solved. Erotic bondage will never be the same. Available in no less than four sizes for your binding pleasure.
(Sultry brunette not included.)
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Saturday, September 15th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
A reader who wishes to remain anonymous sent in the following bit of vintage femdom art, which is probably attributable to the artist “Jim” and to the second quarter of the 20th century. Since the ladies who frequent this blog are always clamoring for more dick, I figured some Saturday morning whippin’ and drippin’ would not be out of order.
The first thing that struck me about this drawing… no, scratch that.
After I got over the whole male panic thing (“aah, balls, don’t be showing me balls, and especially don’t be beating on THE BALLS!“), the first thing that struck me about this drawing was the cruelty of the foot bondage. That wall could be fourteen inches high and his posture wouldn’t be much different, not with cables cinched tight around his Achilles tendons to enforce the tippy-toed stance.
The second thing that struck me is that this is that it’s another area where the march of technology has marched onwards since the picture was drawn. Are you sadly deficient in dungeon space? Does your bedroom lack thirty extra square feet in which to erect a permanent five-foot wooden bulwark that’s bolted down with iron strapping? Well, you’re in luck! Because these days, there’s a handy portable equivalent called The Humbler. It’s a bulwark in a box — just snap it around the balls and behind the thighs and you’re in business. Complete with bonus electrodes for (shudder) double bonus fun.
At this point I’d normally be talking about the miracle of technology and how great it is that everything gets smaller over time. Unfortunately I’m still distracted by the faint voice in my head that’s still screaming “Aaiieee, not the BALLS!”
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Sunday, August 5th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
From the Red Sneaker Diaries, we have this description of what it feels like for a woman to fuck another woman with a strap-on:
This was one of the first few times I fucked Anna with the feeldoe strapped on — and this time, it felt natural. Strap-on sex has a learning curve – much like any other sex act, really. The “strap-er” can’t be expected to fuck like a Casanova the first time out of the gates, but after some awkward first times, it gets easier. And after it gets easier, it starts to feel natural. When it feels natural, you’re there — no more flubs, no more hesitation, no more mistakes. Just good, hearty strap on sex
Coupling the feeldoe with a harness is truly brilliant. The feeldoe will stay in place on its own, but only with decently closed legs. This limits its usefulness. Strapped into place, its stays put — perky, firm and ready to fuck. In fact, even though the straps felt awkward at first, the fact that they allow the feeldoe to cradle so firmly into me makes me forget that they’re there. Void of distracting worries of it falling out, I am free the let the feeldoe become part of me, to become an extension of my cunt. The silicone is inert, but it allows the quivers and shakes and strokes of a fuck to channel deep within me, fueling the the burning desire of my sex.
It’s a real trip, you know, fucking a girl with a strap on. My inert cock, spreading sensation to me, elicits reactions from her. Everything is delayed, sensations conveyed by proxy through the blue silicone cock between my legs. Her body tenses under me — I see her orgasm before I feel the jolting of the feeldoe on my gspot. For the briefest of seconds, I am simply an observer — watching transfixed as her orgasm washes over her. Then, suddenly, my world is flooded with that feeling — my own thighs flutter in response as I thrust again.
(I think she’s using the word “feeldoe” in reference to this product.)
Thursday, June 21st, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Um, is this a letter from Senator Stevens?
From The Stockroom’s actual customer letters.
Thursday, May 24th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Has anybody stopped to marvel, lately, at what a wonderful world it has become for folks with numerically minor fetishes? There’s the internet for finding and meeting (and fucking) kindred souls, there’s a growing “whatever floats your boat” sentiment among civilized people, and there’s a robust world economy for sex toys of every description.
And boy, when I say every description, I’m not kidding. The latest sex miracle in silicone is … well, let’s go to the visual, or you won’t believe me.
Behold!
Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the SiFeet Pussy Foot. [2012 update: Sadly the Pussy Foot is no longer sold. But be ye not forlorn! There’s always the Cyberskin Foot Job Stroker or the Belladonna Foot Soldiers.]
The marketing text is like a syllabus for aspiring foot fetish marketers, fascinating therefore in its own right:
The SiFeet Pussy Foot is the ultimate fantasy sex toy for foot fetishists. This size 6, 100% silicone foot is cast in pure silicone from a real life actual, beautiful female foot. In the sole of this lovely foot is a fully functional and totally fuckable silicone vagina.
This pure silicone foot is soft, smooth, and incredibly sexy. The toes are decorated with acrylic toenails painted glossy pink, making the Pussy Foot seem even more real.
From the toes to the heel and ankle, great time and effort has been taken to insure that the Pussy Foot seems real.
The feature that makes the Pussy Foot even better than an actual foot is the pussy located on the sole of the foot. You can passionately fuck the foot in a way you’ve never been able to before. It is the perfect combination of foot and vagina.
From the toe to heel the pussy foot is 9″ long. The ankle has a 2½” diameter. The distance from the entrance in the vagina to the exit-hole at the top of the ankle is 6½”.
Anyone who appreciates beautifully sexy feet should love the Pussy Foot. This silicone foot is terrific for massaging and erotic rubbing as well as for having hot sex with it.
This silicone sex toy is also a convenient practice tool for preparing to get hot and kinky with actual feet. You are sure to have your technique down to a science when you train with the Pussy Foot.
The silicone SiFeet Pussy Foot cleans easily with soap and warm water or After Glow Toy Wipes.
The SiFeet Pussy Foot is available in a left or a right, sold separately.
If you were looking for “the perfect combination of foot and vagina”, well, now you’ve found it. But it’s the last line, in bold text, that gets me. Left foot or right? Or do you want to collect the whole set?
Let the implications of that photo sink in for a moment.
I’m not going to pussyfoot around, here. (Face it, you knew you weren’t getting out of this blog post until I’d made that pun.) The pussy foot comes in left foot and right foot? Why in all the Stygian depths would someone care whether they are boning a silicone vagina in a left foot, instead of a right one? “No, no, it has to be a left foot, or it’s no good!”
But, in the end, that’s the point. It doesn’t matter why. With fetishes, there usually isn’t a good why. What matters is, if you’ve got a thing for slipping it to a pretty left foot, we live in a world where you can get one, with just a little help from your buddy Benjamin. Don’t let anybody tell you that’s not an excellent world to be living in.
Friday, February 23rd, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Outside of the hentai realm you don’t see a lot of science fiction pornography, and what you do see is usually hilariously awful. I’m not sure exactly why that is, given all the fun you could have with big hard shiny implacable stainless steel sex robots and lustful tentacle-y aliens and autonomous anal probes and mind control rays and force whips and … oh, wait, am I talking out loud here?
Moving rapidly along.
Anyway, the folks at FuckingMachines.com may not be making science fiction, but they do understand the attraction of cruel implacable hard steel sex robot machinery and the considerable advantages of the indefatigable electric motor. Nor do they shrink from restraining mere human flesh when it might otherwise flinch away from and thus miss out on the intense mechanical pleasures of the machine age. In space, it is said, no one can hear you scream. But why go all the way to space when you can achieve the same effect with a high quality latex vacuum bondage bed?
Princess Leia in chains was cute. Han Solo in carbonite was novel. But this, I submit, would have been a better fate for either one of them, and would have immensely livened up the movie theater of my youth. Besides, wouldn’t old Jabba the Hut have enjoyed the heck out of a implacable robotic tongue-saw?
Science fiction this may not be, but it sure is entertaining!
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Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
A while back I noticed a Bondage Blog post called Hanging Like Ripe Fruit. The post (illustrated by some bondage porn from Hogtied.com) featured a suspension tie reminiscent of a scene from The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, a famous BDSM novel by Ann Rice. Unfortunately Bondage Blog only posted one picture, so in a moment of boredom, I went back to Anne Rice to help flesh it out:
“Double her, for punishment,” said Lord Gregory. “I think a real punishment is in order.”
Princess Lizetta gave several high-pitched groans. They seemed both anger and protest. She seemed not to have bargained for this, and as she was carried ahead of Beauty and Lord Gregory into the Hall of Punishments, the Pages quickly affixed leather cuffs to her wrists and ankles, each cuff with a heavy metal hook imbedded in it.
Now she was raised, struggling, to a great low beam that spanned the room, her wrists hung from a hook above her head and then her legs brought straight up in front of her so that her ankles were fixed to the same hook. The was, in fact, bent double. Her head was then forced between her calves, so that Beauty could see her face clearly. And a leather strap was bound around here, securely pressing her upturned legs against her torso.
But the most cruel and frightening aspect of it for Beauty was the exposure of the Princess’s secret parts, for she was hung so that anyone could see her full sex with its pink lips and its dark hair even to the tiny brown orifice between her buttocks. And all this just below her scarlet face. Beauty could imagine no worse exposure and she looked down timidly, glancing up again and again to the girl whose suspended body moved slightly as with a current in the air, the leather links at her wrists and ankles creaking.
…
The man in velvet had begun to stroke Princess LIzetta’s sex with a small instrument that was, as so much here, covered in smooth black leather. This was a three-pronged rod that somewhat resembled a hand, and as soon as he teased the helpless Princess, she began to struggle in her bonds.
Beauty understood at once what was happening. The Princess’s pink sex, terrifying to Beauty as it hung so unprotected, appeared to swell, to ripen. Beauty could see tiny droplets of moisture appear on it.
…
“Lord Gregory,” the Lady said, “you must think of something special.” Then to Beauty’s horror, the lady reached out delicately and fastidiously and pinched Princess LIzetta’s pubic lips hard so that they exuded moisture. Then she pinched the right lip and the left, and the girl winced with pain and misery.
Lord Gregory had meantime snapped his fingers for the Lord with the iron clawlike hand, and whispered something Beauty could not hear. “It will strengthen her punishment.”
And now the Lord appeared with a little pot and a brush and as the Lady stepped back, he took the brush and bathed Princess LIzetta’s naked organ in a heavy syrup. A few droplets fell to the floor, and the princess again made known her misery. She sobbed softly behind her gag, but the Lady only smiled rather innocently and shook her head. “It will attract any flies we have about,” Lord Gregory said, “and if we have none it shall produce its inevitable itching as it dries. It is quite uncomfortable.”
The Lady did not seem satisfied. Her pretty and innocent face was smooth however and she sighed. “I suppose it will do for now, but I wish she were bound with her legs apart to a stake in the garden. Then let the flies and the little insects of the air find her honeyed mouth. She deserves it.”
Although there are no dramatically better views in the short trailer and sample views visible for free without whipping out your credit card, a membership will get you rather a lot more!
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Tuesday, December 19th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
For me, a Christmas stocking just isn’t a proper Christmas stocking if it doesn’t have some kind of sexy toy in it. Not even if it’s vinyl and has a heel:
So anyway, I had high hopes of doing a substantial and official ErosBlog sex toy Christmas Guide this year. But, sadly for my grand plan, I found myself responsible for some unanticipated family care-giving this December, and the big sex toy blogging plans have suffered. Suddenly I discover it’s December 19, I haven’t done any Christmas shopping at all, and the ship-in-time-for-Christmas dates have passed at almost all of my favorite online sex toy emporia. Drat!
However, all is not lost. My favorite online purveyor of sex toys ships so fast that there’s still plenty of time, if you don’t dawdle. Better yet, every year they have a “SeXmas” sale. It’s always got good discounts, too.
You can (of course) go kinky if you want to — how about a satin blindfold in Santa Claus Red?
But kinky is not required. They have every imaginable sex toy to tickle your fancy (or hers, or his).
Kinky not required, I said. But if it’s kinky you want, this place is the undisputed king of kinky. Forget crops and whips and leather cuffs. Did you ever imagine what you’d get if you took one of those paper Chinese finger trap toys and re-engineered it, using stainless steel wire, as a device for imprisoning penises?
Of course you did. Or maybe not. They think of these things so you won’t have to.
Anyway, behold! The Wire Cock Trap:
That’s not something everybody with a penis to play with is gonna want, no. But it would fit nicely in a stocking. And think of the the fun when he pulls it out and holds it up, all puzzled, and says “What’s this thing, and what’s it for?”
“Hold still, dear, and I’ll show you.”
Fair warning: you might wind up late for Christmas dinner at dear old Grandma’s house. And aren’t happy delays like that the best Christmas present of all?
Saturday, September 16th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
So when I saw Susie Bright’s essay on electric sex (in which she responds to the question “Have you ever experienced electricity during sex?”) my first thought was that she was talking about, you know, electrosex: cattle prods, electric zapper paddles, violet wands, fancy tech-wet-dream electrostim gear, that sort of thing. Well, she wasn’t — although her discourse on sexual electricity is, as always, worth your time.
But there is, it turns out, a blog that is about all the electric sex, the kind with actual electrons and visible sparks and twitching and whatnot. It’s the Electrosex Blog — make sure you’re well grounded before reading!
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006 -- by Bacchus
I do so love porn that tells a story, don’t you? Here’s the lovely bondage model Star, looking at a Hogtied.com photographer with what can only be described as gentle scepticism. I imagine he’s telling her what they are going to do on today’s shoot:
Fast forward several steps — hey, look at porn your own self if you want the whole story — and we find lovely Star on a soft bed in her ball gag and head harness. Very peaceful, very calm, only… does it look to you like she might be a little wide-eyed? Is that a bunny-in-the-road look, would you say?
It turns out, she has good reason to stay very still.
There’s a rope, you see. (Could this be bondage porn without a rope?) One end’s tied to the back of her head harness. The other? Well, turns out it’s tied to, um, er… well, I’m afraid there’s really no way to put this gently. It’s tied to a stainless steel butt hook. Which goes… exactly where you are afraid it goes. See for yourself. See?
So now, a great many of us can go on about our daily duties while knowing more about the depths of human kinkiness and perversity than we knew when we woke up this morning. And if you get bored sitting at your desk today, just nod your head a little bit and try to imagine how it would feel at the other end of the rope.
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Monday, June 19th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
Though ErosBlog has a firm policy against picking on anybody’s kink, we reserve the right to marvel at some of them. And one of the kinks I marvel at sometimes is the insertion of really big stuff where you wouldn’t think it should oughta fit. Case in point: The Sumo Rustler five-and-a-half-pound vinyl dildo:
Note the two-liter soda bottle included for scale.
Me, I think the thing would make a most excellent paperweight. If I worked in a cubie farm, I’d keep it on top of the papers in my inbox. You want to leave me more work in my in basket? First, grasp the cock firmly between thumb and four fingers….
Thursday, December 16th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Here’s something you don’t see every day: an animated .gif of a fellow making rather vigorous use of one of those plastic male masturbation aids (aka “pocket pussy”). It’s rather eye-catching.
Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Way way back a long time ago, I teased The Nymph about the contents of my sex toy order. One of the items I ordered, as it turns out, was a Wartenberg Pinwheel.
She loved it. Oh, she whimpered a bit, especially when I first surprised her with it. But make no mistake, she loved it. Although she says she likes it better when it stays away from tender areas.
If you approve of squirming, you want one of these. A word to the wise is sufficient.
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
I placed a small order this afternoon from an online sex toy store. Just a couple of fun items, nothing expensive or fancy.
Then tonight on the phone I told The Nymph that I had ordered some toys.
“What kind of toys did you order?”
“I’m not telling. It’s a surprise. You’ll find out.”
I swear, she spent the next half hour trying to sweet-talk me into telling her. She’s very good. Her sweet talk is impressively sweet. But I was resolute. I was having too much fun to give in.
They could shred my order and never send a thing. I’ve already gotten my money’s worth.
Sunday, December 8th, 2002 -- by Bacchus
(Better than what? Fair question. Better than living with Mother Palm and her five daughters, by all accounts. Bacchus avidly and sincerely doubts that companionable ladies have anything to fear from this form of competition.)
Now, is that a backwards and indirect way to start a sex blog entry, or what? Enough pussyfooting (if the expression may be forgiven) around and beating about the bush. (Hmm, forgiveness for inapt expressions probably getting to be an impossible dream by now. Stay tuned, it only gets worse from here.)
The web is awash with tales of The Fleshlight — a male masturbation toy that apparently doesn’t suck. (Literally or figuratively — can we just stop noticing the inapt turns of phrase for a while? If Bacchus was a competent writer, he’d be getting paid for all this.)
Anyway, this toy is all over the web, has been since about 1998 or so, but given the nature of things it’s tough to find a guy who will admit to having tried it. (Personal reviews in the comments are hereby solicited.) However, many of the reviews are positive. For instance:
About a week later it arrived. I was instantly worried when I felt how heavy it was, but that ended up being a plus. Once it was unwrapped, I ran a finger over the pink lips. The feeling was soft and malleable, “Real Feel Super Skin” is simply amazing. It’s light mild sent of vanilla was pleasant and not over powering. I followed the easy instructions and got to work. A few moments later I was moaning in ecstasy.
Is the “Fleshlight” better than the real thing? No. But if you had the real thing, you wouldn’t be reading this. Is it better then your hand? Oh yes! I couldn’t believe how good it felt, so close to the real thing, but no need to buy flowers.
The folks over at Clean Sheets were a little more reserved in their endorsement, but they still gave this item a thumb (or something) up:
Our reviewer’s first impressions of the product were “I GOTTA have this” and “very unusual feel.” Said one man; “The appearance was relatively life-like. The vanilla scent was oddly pleasing.” Indeed. Closing your eyes and touching the material is eerie; like touching the real thing. One man said “Closest thing to the real thing I ever felt.”
In use, they seem to cull all kinds of honors. “With the right lube, the feel is very nice.”
Overall, this product received very handsome commentary: “Not as good as the real thing but definitely better than your hand. I like using it while watching videos.” “This is tons of fun and feels great. It’s almost the perfect sex toy!”
Bacchus has not yet tried this device — it’s not exactly cheap, and there’s an “ick factor” (reported on by the folks at Nerve) that’s impossible to ignore. (However, even the Nerve reviewer appears to have enjoyed the Fleshlight once he, uhm, “screwed his courage to the sticking point” and got down to business.)
So: Any fans of this thing out there who want to tell us how it feels?
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