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The Sex Blog Of Record
Tuesday, August 27th, 2024 -- by Bacchus
Recently while fixing broken links I came across a very nice gallery of vintage vibrator advertisements. These advertisements aren’t hard to find in general, but back in 2013 Dr. Gloria Brame had assembled a small but particularly choice selection of them on her old blog, which sadly didn’t survive a subsequent major reorganization of her web assets. I think they’re worth saving, so here they are:
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Saturday, January 14th, 2023 -- by Bacchus
It’s the determination on her aspiring o-face that does it for me:
Of course she has the situation well in hand and seems like a strong, goal-oriented woman. I wouldn’t dare suggest that she needs some dude to help her out. But nonetheless the photo seems to invite assistance, if you ask me. (Nobody did.)
The model is Lucy Daily, who had a solo-girl type site back in 2009 or so.
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Thursday, July 14th, 2022 -- by Bacchus
I am not well-qualified to opine on what women want, especially when it comes to sensitive subjects like direct and powerful clit stimulation. No man could ever be so qualified, for who among us ever becomes so intimate with more than a few women, or perhaps at most a few dozen? The most infamous Lothario, the most notorious Don Juan, might manage, perhaps, some hundreds of trysts in a lifetime. Yet the world has billions of women in it! Do not speak to me of representative sampling; there’s no reasonable way to normalize that kind of data in any scientifically-credible way.
No, my friends, when it comes to questions of how much direct clitoral stimulation your new flame may prefer, how powerful, how long, how closely-pressed, when to start and when to stop, you will be on an exciting voyage of discovery every time. You may ask, certainly, and a self-assured woman may even give you useful answers; but even so, there will be nuance and detail that is only learned in the doing.
That said, there are a few nuances that a man of the world may fairly rely upon. The first is that, generally speaking, clit stimulation is popular. Lots of women like it. You just have to figure out the specifics.
Second, women themselves often vibrate their clits directly during self-pleasure. I don’t have good data on preferred female masturbation techniques — indeed, I’m not sure anybody has meaningful data on that — but surveys and anecdotes collected at least since the days of Nancy Friday’s interview compilations reveal that vibrating sex toys have been a popular choice since the first electric “massagers” hit the market in the early 20th century.
Even more compelling is the evidence of the market. The brisk sales of modern toys like the Pomi Wand from Honey Play Box offer all the proof we need that steady, precise, and reliable vibration is solidly on the 21st-century list of “what women want”. The dark time when vibrating sex toys were almost universally phallic — I speak here of the cheap plastic dick-shaped battery-operated vibrators of the 1970s, marketed to men and sensitive to their insecurities — is behind us. Today, women are in command of their own pleasure, and indeed their own toyboxes, at least if they choose to be. Do they buy buzzing plastic cocks? Why, sure, sometimes they do! But very often the vibrators they buy are more modern designs with tactile materials and shapes designed to make it easy to place just the right amount of buzzy pressure in just the right place at just the right time.
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Monday, October 4th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
Does your girl have a DP fantasy? Do you? I know, I know, arranging for that second cock is a real social challenge, and then there’s the athletic positioning… it can be a whole big thing. Which makes this a great time to acknowledge, as too few do, that sex toys can be really awesome as an adjunct to partnered sex:
Artwork is said to be ripped from the Nutaku adult game Booty Calls.
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Tuesday, March 26th, 2019 -- by Bacchus
The sign is not the boss of her. Not when a potentially undercharged vibrator is on the line:
Monday, March 13th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
People, Kate from Whores Of Yore is here with some sad news:
I am sure you have heard this one; Victorian doctors invented the vibrator to masturbate women to ‘hysterical paroxysm’ (orgasm) because they had been finger banging so many patients in an effort to cure them of their hysteria, that frankly, their arms ached. We love this story. I love this story. Hollywood loved this story so much that the film 2011 film, Hysteria, was based entirely on this story. So it is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you, this really is just a story.
Like all debunkings, her evidence is mostly in the negative; what she’s got is absence of evidence where we’d expect to find it:
Not only is there no known mention of Doctors and vibrators in Victorian pornography, there is also no mention of it in the work of the early and pioneering sexologists. Iwan Bloch, Havelock Ellis, Richard von Kraft-Ebing and Freud meticulously catalogued every fetish, paraphilia and known expression of sexual behaviour, but not one of them mention doctors, vibrators and orgasm. Ellis and Bloch even describe some women deriving sexual pleasure from sewing machines and beetroot, but there is no mention of a vibrator. Fifty years later, in his seminal Behaviour in the Human Female (1953), Alfred Kinsey does not mention vibrators in his lengthy and comprehensive chapters on female masturbation.
She ranges widely and eruditely through the available evidence, but nowhere does she find evidence for the medicalization of female orgasm, much less of its mechanization in a medical context.
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Sunday, November 29th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
Via Kinky Delight:
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Sunday, August 16th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
At the resolution of this photo, I can’t tell if we’re seeing a really vintage vibrator in use, or if it’s an utterly classic use of a candlestick and candle:
From Vintage Lust.
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Thursday, June 4th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
Asset forfeiture: it’s not just for assets any more.
When the cops raided Ginnifer Hency’s home in Smiths Creek, Michigan, last July, “they took everything,” she told state legislators on Tuesday, including TV sets, ladders, her children’s cellphones and iPads, even her vibrator. They found six ounces of marijuana and arrested Hency for possession with intent to deliver, “even though I was fully compliant with the Michigan medical marijuana laws,” which means “I am allowed to possess and deliver.” Hency, a mother of four with multiple sclerosis, uses marijuana for pain relief based on her neurologist’s recommendation. She also serves as a state-registered caregiver for five other patients.
Hency’s compliance with state law explains why a St. Clair County judge last week dismissed the charges against her. But when she asked about getting back her property last Friday, she reported, “The prosecutor came out to me and said, ‘Well, I can still beat you in civil court. I can still take your stuff.'”
I wonder what the cops in Michigan do with used vibrators?
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Wednesday, April 22nd, 2015 -- by Bacchus
The groaned phrase “This is just so wrong…” is something I try never to utter here on ErosBlog, as a matter of editorial policy. One man’s “wierd and creepy” is another woman’s “crazy hot”, and there’s no predicting it, and I know better than to try. I don’t wanna judge. But that doesn’t mean I am not subject to the impulse, sometimes. Was this one of those times? Well, maybe:
Meet Teddy Love. Teddy’s a bear with a magic muzzle. Teddy… well, words fail me. Allow the professional copywriters to take over the duty:
Ready to meet your new best friend? This tantalizing teddy bear is more than just a comforting cuddle buddy; its soft plastic nose, muzzle, and protruding tongue conceal a powerful motor that turns this plush pal into a beast in bed!
Teddy Love bridges the gap between classic stuffed animal companion and adult pleasure product, keeping the best of both worlds. When you add 3 AA batteries to the bear’s back pocket and squeeze the right ear, Teddy comes alive and can provide you with hours of orgasmic delight. Control the vibration speeds and settings by simply squeezing the bear’s left ear until you find the feeling that’s right for you and let nature take its course as this hands-free toy lovingly explores your honeypot.
Besides being comfortable and non-threatening, Teddy Love’s design makes it a breeze to clean and store. Its body-safe muzzle is made from phthalate-free, food grade TPE (thermoplastic elastomer) and its fur is a silky soft polyester fur spot cleans easily. Best of all, you can safely store your Teddy wherever you would normally keep a stuffed animal without fear of embarrassment.
Clean muzzle using a damp washcloth with warm water and antimicrobial soap or a body-safe toy cleaner. Spot clean fur as needed. Do not submerge any part of this toy.
“Spot clean fur as needed.” Words to live by!
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Friday, July 11th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
It shouldn’t take more than a minute or two of this sort of treatment to moisten her panties … if she happens to be wearing any. “Resistance is futile, my dear!” No question, that bit of bondage rope is going to be “hers” from now on:
From the most recent photoshoot in the members area at Sexually Broken.
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Monday, August 19th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
Hey, look! Here’s a vintage photo of a chorus girl actually using an early personal massager for its supposed design purpose:
Found here and dates to 1926.
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Monday, April 22nd, 2013 -- by Bacchus
 There were tweets flying in the sexy-blogging community last week about Hitachi taking steps to distance itself from its famous Hitachi Magic Wand “personal massager” product, widely and justly famous as a very powerful (because it’s got a power cord that plugs into the wall, and a large motor) sexual vibrator. (It’s the one with the large bulbous head that you see in all the “forced orgasm” BDSM porn, like the porn I linked to here.)
But it wasn’t clear from the tweets exactly what had gone down. Did Hitachi stop making the vibrator for commercial reasons and sell off the “Magic Wand” brand and design IP? Or did they just take “Hitachi” off the package because they were skeeved by the sexual success of their “massager”? Nothing was clear.
This article by Laura Anne Stuart For Express Milwaukee goes a long way toward clarifying the situation. In The Rebirth of the Magic Wand, we learn that:
[The Magic Wand’s] inventor and manufacturer has been growing increasingly uncomfortable with the Magic Wand’s reputation as a sex toy. Hitachi, a Japanese company, also makes and many other products, and it doesn’t want its brand name to be primarily associated with orgasms. Like that famous scene from Sex and the City where Samantha pays a visit to Sharper Image, the company insists in vain, “It’s not a vibrator–it’s a neck massager!”
The Magic Wand is distributed in the United States by Vibratex… According to the Vibratex rep at ILS, Hitachi had decided to stop manufacturing the Magic Wand altogether. Vibratex, sensing the wailing, gnashing of teeth and possible rioting that would ensue if this came to pass, convinced the company to keep producing it, but remove the Hitachi name from the product. In June, the Hitachi Magic Wand will be re-launched as the Original Magic Wand, with new packaging and a slightly different design.
The rest of the article has some interesting information about the sexual history of the Hitachi Magic Wand, along with user-impressions of the minor design changes (basically: minor improvements).
As Laura Ann Stewart points out, sex-shop customers currently ask for “the Hitachi” and not the “Magic Wand” when they are shopping for a powerful vibrator. I know Hitachi is a huge industrial company, but it doesn’t have any other product brand associations for me; say “Hitachi” to me and I think “Magic Wand”. I’m fascinated by the brand management calculus under which that’s a bad thing to be rooted out, rather than a seedling to be nurtured and grown.
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Tuesday, March 26th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
One thing I’ve noticed recently is that some of the smarter pornographers out there have taken to including quite a few non-porny poses and shots when taking still photos of their performers before the shoot really gets going. I don’t know whether this is because of market demand from the people who subscribe to the sites, or whether (and this is my speculation) it’s seen as an added benefit/compensation for the performers, who may appreciate getting some nice photos for their own self-marketing portfolio.
Whatever the intent, I’m totally not above finding art where none go to look for it. And these pictures of model Nikki Darling, taken for the new bondage site Sadistic Rope, remind me powerfully of Grace Jones, way back in the day:
She’s got a pretty good “O” face, too, once the heavy vibrator comes out for the forced orgasms portion of the shoot:
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Monday, March 4th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
This comes from “The Slingshot Channel” and it features a gentleman who has made a formidable double-barreled rubber-band gun for launching inexpensive drugstore-style vibrating dildos at 167 feet-per-second. He calls the ammunition a “Damage Inflicting Longitudinal Destruction Object” and the gun “The Launcher Of Love”:
The video starts off with “While on the eternal hunt for new things that we can fire from a slingshot, I came across a missile that looks very very interesting…”
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Thursday, February 7th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
It’s the dildo for a saddle-horn that truly gives the game away, here:
As Maggie Mayhem says: “Y’all think you’re new and fancy with your Sybians and your iPhones. Whatever.”
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Tuesday, November 20th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Molly Ren found the most awesome dildo review. It’s for the Tantus Echo vibrating dildo:
“For older mountain men like me, satisfying the wanton needs of healthy younger women can sometimes be taxing, if not exhausting, so when I have reached the upper limits of my own existential and physiological turgidity, I reach out for my purple rubber friend, The TAntus, and turn on its agitating vibration to rush into the fray. The Tantus is a stand up device, willing and wiggling through even the hard play of insistent immersion in thorny environs, and still come out ready for more. Built of sturdier stuff that we ordinary mortals, he is always up for the hard job at hand, and can be heartily thrust into whatever taxing situation without worrying about his ability to see it through to the climatic moments ahead. So, with or without Viagra, having a suitable substitute appliance like the Tantus can make for some interesting nights with your favorite younger friend.”
If I ever write a novel I’m going to seriously consider The Wanton Needs Of Healthy Younger Women as my title.
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Saturday, April 28th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Ready to “plug in some passion”?
Via the ElectroSex Blog.
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Wednesday, January 18th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
From comic book artist Salono’s Sexy Symphonies, we get another installment in the continuing saga/mystery of why women go to the bathroom in groups and what they do in there for so long:
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Sunday, January 30th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
Given that I’ve posted numerous times about the popularity of the Hitachi Magic Wand (and not for use as a “back massager”, either), it only seems fair to share this hilarious tweet from @Mollena, who is not numbered among those fans:
IMO the Hitachi’s like a Leprechaun doing “Riverdance” on my business. Too much. My DMZ is sensitive. I orgasm on bumpy bus rides.
Thursday, December 2nd, 2010 -- by Bacchus
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Sunday, December 7th, 2008 -- by Bacchus
Over at Catalina Loves I found the longest and most detailed description I’ve yet seen about what it’s like to shoot for Kink.com. Model Coco writes at length about what her first shoot (for their Fucking Machines site) was like, and makes it sound like a lot of fun indeed. These are just tiny excerpts from a much longer piece:
TC the director came down to introduce himself to me and told me to meet him upstairs when I was finished. After some inspiring words I went up stairs to make-up. Isis Love the girl that pretty much got me this gig, was there to give me a thumbs up and wish me good luck. This made me even MORE nervous. I tried to calm myself down. There was a girl was in the middle of getting her make-up done and so I sat in the little lunch/waiting room. TC came in and asked me how I was feeling and if I had any questions. I started eating as he explained what would happen. He asked what I was nervous about. I said “all of the people that are going to be in the room, the more, the more nerve-wrecking” He mentioned there would be 4-5 people in the room. That must have gotten a surprised look out of me and he said, “If at any time you want to stop then we will stop and go get a beer. No harm, no foul and we’ll still pay ya.” That was relaxing. Haha. While the make-up artist was doing the other girls face, she told me I should “freshen up” I looked at her perplexed and after about 2 seconds I realized she was talking about douching. I have only douched a couple times before so I wandered my way into the bathroom. MY GOD! There was soooo much girl stuff in that bathroom, from hair ties, to douches to self enema thingys and like 4 different kinds of baby wipes and deodorants and razors, shampoos and just EVERYTHING you could think of that girls would need. So I did my deed.
…
So I was fixed on my back with my legs over the arm of the couch and the Satisfyher on it’s side. I was feeling SO ready to come and SO worked at this point I was excited and nervous. After getting warmed up quickly I just layed there and let it fuck me and took it all in. It was pretty fucking rad. Since I come faster from clitoral stimulation we decided to pull the satisfyher out and let it hit me on the clit instead of being inside me. TC manned the controls and we let her fly at 1800stokes per minute. All hell broke loose. There was no man in the world that would have stopped me from my orgasm at that point. I was sweating and shaking and moaning and right when I was in the middle of my orgasm I BROKE THE MACHINE. It just BUSTED. I have no clue I wasn’t watching it all I know is I came then I looked down and realized it was broke. OOPS!
After that I was ready for another orgasm and I was running around all energized and excited because everyone was saying how sweet it was that I broke the machine with my vagina. I felt pretty cool after that like a rockstar.
…
He happily handed over the new magic wand. TC assumed his position manning the drill and I had the vibrator. I was loose and ready. It was INTENSE. I mean getting fucked and playing with my clit usually gets me off, but this was fucking ridiculous. Every muscle in my legs and arms started shivering and aching and screaming MORE MORE MORE. It was almost too much. I was definitely overwhelmed. It didn’t take too long after that to send me into a screaming orgasm. And when I say screaming, I mean SCREAMING. I think I cussed more then anything. “oh FUCK” seemed to be the favorite of the day. I got fucked into a jerking moaning completely earth shaking orgasm. You know the kind that make you wanna write it down because you don’t want to forget that moment EVER. Ya that. I even squirted. I got some on the directors face. I was watching his face as he was watching my pussy and the look of amazement when I squirted made me feel even better.
…
After I got my paycheck, I went to my car and sat there and screamed. Screamed from how fucking cool it is to orgasm for a living. Screamed from doing something I’d never thought I’d have the balls to do. Screamed from being utterly brutalized in front of people I just met. I screamed for nothing and for everything.
And that is all I have to say about that. Take it how you want to. I know how I took it. HARD FAST and WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE.
xo-
Coco.
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Saturday, May 31st, 2008 -- by Bacchus
I still remember thinking in my naive pre-internet youth that “kinky stuff” had to be a purely male thing, that “no woman would want that sort of thing”. And of course, from there it would follow that male kinkiness was a sort of dangerous perversion, if it could have no expression with willing partners.
Ah, how little I knew!
Of course, these days anybody who reads sex blogs written by women (as are a large majority of the ones that have, you know, actual words) knows better.
As pointless as it can be for a man to speculate or generalize about the complex mental machineries of female arousal, you ladies should be aware that we still do it. I’m not sure we could refrain from doing it, to be honest; if anything’s hardwired into male behavior, modeling and attempting to game female sexual arousal is probably that thing. And one outcome of all the speculating and generalizing, for me, has been a partial theory of what women enjoy about rough kinky sex, bondage, and BDSM — really, that whole spectrum of sexuality that doesn’t quite fit the traditional hearts-and-flowers romance model.
I haven’t got time for a thousand words, so how about a picture?
It’s from Sex And Submission, and the rest of the shoot has plenty of ropes and gags and whips and toys and power-tool vibrators and bondage blowjobs and complex rigging with pulleys and all of the other overcomplicated gadgetry that men bring to the hobbies they really enjoy. But this one picture, I think, captures the essence of what’s in it for the ladies. Sometimes (maybe often, but I’m still trying not to overgeneralize here) women want to feel like a strong man like Mark Davis wants them, wants them so intensely that his own “better impulses” and socially-conditioned docility are just overwhelmed by his desire and lust for them. And they enjoy the idea, perhaps embodied in the photo above, that such a man will simply grab them and do what he will — because for the woman, that outcome is the ultimate proof of her own irresistible sexual attraction and desirability.
Where fantasy and reality differ, of course, is that a strong man who lacks that much self-control is dangerous — he cannot safely be allowed within about thirty miles of any human settlement. But a trustworthy man who can still project that aura of dangerous uncontrolled lust? He, it turns out, is a popular fellow indeed.
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Wednesday, December 19th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
In which Fifi fails to use her words, but Monmouth figures it out anyway:
Fifi pulled away and lunged for the toy box, pulling out a small, flexible vibrator and a lube dispenser. She put her hands around my neck and kissed me, still holding these things. Then, cocking her head in a faux coy manner she held up the vibe and smiled prettily.
“What? What do you want me to do with this?”
“Um, my arse?”
“You want me to put this in your ass?”
“Mmhmm,” she nodded, eyes wide, and got back on all fours, wiggling her bum at me in a most applealing manner.
I lubed the vibrator thoroughly, enjoying the view of her open and waiting like that, the glistening pink of her pussy waiting for my cock to return.
“Oh fuck… mmmm.” Fifi was impatient. My cock slid easily into the wet tightness of her cunt. I began to fuck her slowly. Then, when she seemed to start getting a little frustrated, I twisted the knob on the vibe to the lowest setting and placed it against the pouting circle of her ass.
Pushing the toy in slowly, carefully, I enjoyed the vibrating sensation traveling down to the base of my cock. Fifi was quiet, concentrating on the spreading, tightening, pressing sensation filling her pussy and arse at the same time with throbbing, vibrating pleasure.
The soft vibe was bendy enough to fit up her bum without getting in my way while I fucked her. Once it was in as far as it went, the fat base resting against the stretched rim of her anus, I dialed up the intensity of the vibration. Fifi moaned deeply, burying her face in the cushions and pressing back against me, taking my cock in as far as possible. Her orgasm was building, and I couldn’t hold back much longer with the twitching tightness of her cunt clutching my cock and the vibrations tickling me all along the top. It was too intense to last.
Suddenly Fifi reached back with her hand and grasped the base of the vibrator. Firmly, rhythmically she began to fuck herself with it, in time with the thrusting of my hips.
“Harder… fuckfuck…” she growled, letting go of the buzzing sex toy to allow me to pound into her with the full force of my weight. Her orgasm seemed to last and last, rolling on with moans and whimpers, gripping my cock with an irresistible invitation to let go and come inside her.
I withdrew very slowly, removing both my cock and the buzzing toy carefully.
On our backs, recovering, Fifi sighed. “When fucking, it’s incredible how difficult it is to just say the simplest things, don’t you think?”
Friday, October 19th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
No, not that kind of “O”; or, at least, I don’t imagine so. This looks more like an “Oh shit, what’s he doing?” face, or perhaps an “Omigod, I had no idea it was possible to experience that sensation!”
Perhaps we could blame the weighted nipple clamps, but they’re padded and the weights look to be resting on the floor. However, observe that our intent man in charge has got a power cord running over her knee to whatever electrical appliance he’s deploying between her legs in the vicinity of her nether regions. Since this is not a government photograph, we can assume the device is not a soldering iron. So, what’s he got?
My money’s on a violet wand, or perhaps a powerful vibrator.
From Hogtied.com.
Saturday, October 6th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Slate recently published A Slide Show History Of The Vibrator. It’s fascinating. Who knew Hamilton Beach used to make vibrators? Here’s one of their models:
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Monday, May 21st, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Susie Bright has created an Amazon list of must-have sex stuff, and in explaining the list, she’s dashed off several valuable mini essays on vibrators (wall current rules, battery-operated sucks, The Rabbit isn’t all that), lube, and the history of the sex toy industry. The lube portion I particularly like, because she simplifies down to the essentials:
Sex educators are famous for a particular cliche: “communication and lubrication” are what make people happy in bed. But truer words were never spoken.
So, given that essential fact, what lube do you get? My Amazon list is a little truncated because of what I could list on their site.
Vegetable oil is fantastic. Pre-AIDS, it was my lube of choice. If you’re aren’t using condoms, get your favorite oil– almond is really nice, maybe add a little coconut to make it creamy– and go at it. Or just grab the olive oil off the kitchen counter if time is of the essence. It feels great, it won’t hurt you, it’s sexy…. who could ask for more?
For water-soluble lubes, I always liked Probe because it has no taste! The biggest hassle with commercial lubes is that they usually taste AWFUL and make oral sex completely undesirable.
Are there other taste and scent-free lubes? Yes, Probe is my old tried-and-true. Works great with condoms, doesn’t make you ill, doesn’t cause cancer… what a treasure!
However, sometimes you need a lube that goes BEYOND. Sometimes the drugs you’re on, or menopause, can turn you into a prune. How do you get that high-flying crazy slippery feeling that goes on and on and on?
Silicone lube.
That’s why I recommended Liquid Silk for my desert island. It also is the first lube that makes hot tub and shower sex possible and even fun. It’s not water soluble– you’ll have that slippery feeling in your vagina or ass for several hours. But the slickness is so intoxicating. Just don’t use it with other silicone products or they gum each other up! Get that spatula out of your hot tub!
I do, however, find an important omission in Susie’s discussion of power sources for vibrators. She writes:
1) Electricity is essential. I don’t care what sex toy retailers say about battery-operated vibes– the main reason they push them is because they are dirt cheap, (wholesale), and they are lightweight to ship and transport (without the batts, of course!). A Hitachi magic wand is only marked up double its cost to the retailer… so if it’s $40, maybe they paid $20.
But a battery vibe might be a dollar to them and they’ll sell it for $10 or $20.
This reasoning has nothing to do with how it feels, or if women can get off on it. And the “sound” of batteries vibrating against plastic doesn’t mean it’s powerful. They can make an awful racket and not deliver any appreciable sensation.
Can women get off on battery-vibes? YES, some can, some are their mother’s darlings– I’m not on a crusade to get rid of them. But the reason they are hyped the way they are is because of money, not because of universal sexual satisfaction.
The vibrators that are produced by the mainstream appliance manufacturers like Hitachi and Wahl, were originally introduced as “massagers.” They’re quality appliances that will last years and years. I still have the first ones I ever bought in 1981. They have warranties. They have a following that’s been going for decades, based on technology that’s over a century old now.
I always hated selling a woman a battery-operated model for her first vibrator because there was a 50% chance she’d find the whole thing a hoax. However, if I sold her a motor-driven or coil-operated electric model, she’d come out of the ‘try-out’ room with this amazed look on her face, and say, ‘OH! I GET IT NOW!”
I agree wholeheartedly about the puny vibrations you can get from a couple of “C” or even “AA” batteries. When I’ve got a vibrator in one hand and a lady’s labia and clitoral hood in the other, I want some serious jiggle and buzz. “Can you feel it now?” is not the game I am here to play. I have pink bits to vibrate and I want them V*i*B*R*a*T*e*D, not tickled. (For tickling, I have feathers.)
On the other hand, as any roofer can tell you, there isn’t an electrical outlet handy under every current bush, and dragging a power cord behind you is a pain in the ass. The same technology that lets a guy with a tool belt and a hairy ass crack drive sheet metal screws for forty minutes at the top of a sixteen foot ladder (rechargeable ni-cad or lithium-ion batteries, ta-dah!) makes a perfectly acceptable power source for a vibrator. I’ve raved before about the Phantasy Sinnflut, which is a tool-grade rechargeable vibrator that any man could be proud to dock on its charging base in the garage next to his DeWalt drill and his Makita reciprocal saw. It’s nobody’s budget option, but it’s handier than anything with a cord, safer in the shower, and functionally far beyond anything with a disposable dry cell in it.
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006 -- by Bacchus
Let’s be honest. Usually when a sex toy seller sends me a product for review, the best reaction I can find is a profound shrug. (It can be worse; I actually had one outfit send me a pair of size four stripper shoes, complete with transparent acrylic spike heels. The only person I know who would enjoy these just turned thirteen without outgrowing her princess complex, and I can’t figure out how to get them into her possession without her parents thinking I’m some sort of horrid creep, so that’s right out.)
Generally it’s: Oh, look, yet another vibrator, only this one smells like vinyl apricots and falls apart when you press it against…anything. Whatever. Batteries not included? Trashcan.
So I’ll confess to some skepticism when I got a package from Wild In Secret. But I like opening packages, so what the hell. It’s free stuff, how bad can it be?
Ask rather: How good?
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the first vibrator I ever saw that makes me feel the way all men feel when they first acquire a fine high-quality power tool. Behold, the Phantasy Sinnflut:
This is honest-to-God German engineering in a sex toy. First impression: Pretty! Nice color, friendly shape, nubbins on the end are kinda erotic-looking:
Second impression: Feels nice! The shape fits easily in the hand, and the texture (medical-grade silicone) feels more like flesh than the usual hard plastic or vinyl.
Third impression: Whoa! Is that a charging base? Is this thing rechargable, like my trusty Black & Decker electric screwdriver that I bought in 1997 and still use every week? Muah-ha-ha-hah!
Sure enough. No batteries, never again! Wheeee! And hey, the prong that fits in the charging base doesn’t have any exposed contacts, it must use inductance the way the fancy new electric toothbrushes do. Does that mean the Sinnflut is waterproof? Lemme check: Yup, the website says it is, although, sensibly enough, the user instructions (in four languages) are very clear about keeping the charging base out of the bathroom and away from water. Duh, that part plugs into the wall.
Now let’s fiddle with it. (Alas, The Nymph is out of town, so I can’t subject the Sinnflut — or The Nymph, for that matter — to full operational field testing.) OK, that little button is the on-off switch, nice buzz, but just one speed? That can’t be right. (Fiddle fiddle.) Aha! The nubbin that goes in the charge is also a speed control. Press it sideways and this thing goes from zzz to buzz to BZZZZZZ to “ARGH, I should stop pressing it against my face because my teeth are buzzing and my fillings are shaking loose.” This thing goes to eleven. (And past, it turns out — there are a couple of intermittent vibration modes you get if you press the stud again once it’s at max power.) Bottom line: way more powerful than a typical battery vibe, feels more like a hand-held plugin “electric massager”. But dials way down to a gentle hum if you like that sort of thing.
I’ve gotten some nifty free swag in the mail since starting this blog, but right now I think the Phantasy Sinnflut may be the coolest sex toy ever sent to me for review. Once The Nymph gets home, I’ll try to update my first impressions with some useability reports.
Saturday, March 11th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
I try not to play the “funny search terms” game too much — it was old before I started blogging — but today on a whim I clicked through to the very last page of search terms in my stats. Somebody somewhere found ErosBlog by searching on Google for:
vibrator balls exploded
Ouchies.
Monday, February 27th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
CeeCi over at Giardino del Piacere got herself a good shave with one of them newfangled vibrating razors. And then when the thing was done, it was time for the next course:
After finishing my shave, he treated me to a bit of fun. He popped the cartridge off the razor, turned it on, then turned me on. The little vibrator he had in his hand was a delight. He knows precisely where my most delicate spots are and gently placed the tip there. If he applied too much pressure I wouldn’t feel much, so he would tap me gently. He told me later that when he placed it directly on the tip of my clit, my eyes bugged out like Jim Carrey’s did in “The Mask”.
Before I could become over-sensitized he stopped teasing me with our new found toy. He turned off the overhead light and placed the table lamp on the floor. Taking a hand towel, he tucked it into the neck of his shirt like a napkin then pulled himself to the table to feast upon my pussy. Within moments I had my first screaming orgasm. I was a rather emotional release as I found myself crying once the spasms began settling down. I reassured my darling I was fine, just got a bit overwhelmed.
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006 -- by Bacchus
From Rollertrain comes the depressing observation that “In the backward world of porn genres, female orgasm is a niche – not a given.” Supporting text:
Sativa, freshly waxed and moaning, looks lovely on the screen. The vibrator is buzzing at a low hum, making soft little surging noises as she pushes its tip against her clit. Sativa has beautiful skin, luscious tits and the kind of lips that cost hundreds of dollars. She’s awesome to behold so close up, but this isn’t anything I haven’t seen before.
“What’s awesome?” I ask. Isabelle turns up the sound. “Watch,” she says, and I listen. Sativa, movie-sized tribute to blessed Pussy, fills up all forty-two inches of Isabelle’s TV. Her face starts to look far away. She bites her lip and her cheeks flush. Her moaning falls into short pants of air and whimpering. The vibrator is working. Sativa’s entire vagina contracts six or seven times, like a giant heartbeat. Her pussy is shimmering. Sativa is clearly having an orgasm.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve actually seen a girl really cum in a porno,” says Isabelle.
Saturday, February 18th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
This is a post about two smiles:
Those are the two smiles of the lovely Sarah Blake, who does bondage modeling for Hogtied.com. I want you to look at those smiles and study the differences between them. No matter if you’re kinky or vanilla (but especially if you’re vanilla) I want you to remember those smiles the next time you hear a preacher or a politician ranting and raving against the evils of sadomasochism, sexual depravity, and sadistic abuse. He’s talking about Sarah and her delicious, joyful smile.
All the pictures in this post come from this shoot, which you can view for yourself if you want to see Sarah tied up and, er, entertained, in some astonishing ways. I’m not going to reproduce those pictures here, although I will be describing the entertainment. All I’m showing you are her smiles (and one gasp of ecstasy.)
Let’s start with the first smile:
This is the “before” picture, taken at the beginning of the photo shoot. It’s a pretty smile — Sarah’s a pretty woman — but it’s a professional model’s smile. A little bit forced, a lot posed, and as artificial as a flower arrangement. This could be the yearbook photo, the portfolio photo, even the drivers license photo. This smile started when Sarah was young, and you can still see in it the obedient girl who learned what to do when the nice man behind the camera told her to smile.
Sarah covers a lot of kinky miles between that smile and the next one.
If you view more of the shoot, you’ll see Sarah with her ankles crossed and tied in front of her chin. Her miniskirt has puddled around her hips, but her panties are still on, so it’s a fairly innocent bondage image. Sarah’s wild ride is just beginning.
Moving rapidly along, we soon see her in the same pose without her undies, with a glass vacuum jar firmly secured to her tenderest bits. The ride accelerates; in another view, she’s on her knees wearing a heavy wooden set of stocks, with her pony tail tied back to — is there a nicer word for this device? — a butt hook that’s securely hooked in (you guessed it) her butt. The rear view of the same scene shows some welts where she’s been caned.
Moving along. In the next view, she’s been stood up, and a metal-pipe-and-ball-gag arrangement has been affixed to her wooden stocks to complicate her life. Some nipple clips with heavy round lead fishing weights are being clamped onto her nipples. When the cameraman steps back, we can see that she’s balanced on tiptoes, with a pole-and-dildo arrangement to encourage her to stay there.
The next couple of photos show a new scene, with Sarah on her stomach in a tight hogtie on two butcher-block tables. Her hands and feet are pressed and tied together, there’s a suspension rope around her elbows pulling her up in what have to be uncomfortable ways, and she’s wearing a red ball gag in a harness that’s making her drool.
*CLICK* Now she’s on her side, in rope bondage, with clothespins on her nipples and a big vibrator working her tender bits.
*CLICK* Now she’s in suspension — an astonishing upside-down posture that looks like gymnastics, only much sexier. Still with clothespins on her nipples.
Moving on. The website describes and explains the next scene thusly:
Sarah also has a tragic secret, she cannot stop cumming if she is stuck on a vibrator. So viewers, be warned! The last scene is a long intense forced orgasm scene until Sarah is vibrated senseless.
What we see is a hard wooden chair with a big vibrator duct-taped to it. Sarah’s strapped onto the chair (and the vibrator) with some well-worn and very-impressive-looking leather belts. She’s clearly enjoying herself, if a bit lost in the sensation:
So what’s been the point of all this lurid description? Quite simply this. Unless you’re a serious bondage fiend, someone who plays hard and invests serious time and money into your dungeon equipment, I’ve probably described more than you’re comfortable with. If you’ve got no interest in bondage, if you’ve never even seen a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, you might be pretty horrified by most of what I’ve described. If you’ve played at bedroom bondage, own one pair of cuffs and a riding crop, you might be fascinated by some of the pictures but scared or repelled by others of them. If you’re seriously kinky and have a home dungeon of your own, you might appreciate most or all the photos, but even then there’s probably something that’s not quite your cup of tea, or that’s too risky or troublesome to be worth trying in your book. But, whereever you fall on that spectrum, and however sincerely you might say of one of the depicted activities “that’s not for me”, I want you to focus on the last picture in the photoset, Sarah wearing nothing but her rope marks. Here’s Sarah’s exhausted-but-exhilarated second smile:
That’s not just a smile, it’s a grin. There’s more joy and enthusiasm and life in that photo than there is in a dozen of the professional smiles we saw at the top. Sarah, despite having suffered through some intensely uncomfortable bondage positions, has had a wonderful time.
And that visible joy, my friends, is what the Grundies want to kill when they rail against “sadism, masochism, and abuse.” I suppose they don’t even know about the joy — they may honestly think it’s all about objectification and degradation and money and feelthy perverts — but I don’t want you, dear readers, to have the same excuse. You’ve seen the two smiles. Now you know.
The next time you hear somebody railing against the feelthy perverts, you’re to remember the smiles. Even if the specific activity under discussion grosses you out, because it’s not your kink and you can’t understand why it could be anyone’s, remember the smiles. Remember Sarah’s visible joy. We don’t need to understand or appreciate a kink to understand that smile.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 -- by Aphrodite
You read it here first! Evil Science Chick is increasing her science empire by doing sex toy reviews. Last time she just teased us with a mention of the toy. This time she went all Consumer Reports for us, dishing it out on the Top-Tough rabbit vibrator.
amusing aside: the woman who rung up the toy informed me that this was a very good jackrabbit toy for “beginners.” Apparently, only EXPERIENCED jackrabbit users should utilize the purple colored ones with the plasta-chromed bottom that cost $10 more. Remember that, folks. Stick to sex toys APPROPRIATE for your skill level.
Find out how she rated it yourself, and be amused by images of little crockpots for lube in the process! ESC also asks for information, so leave a comment about your rabbit experiences. It’s for science, people! :hehe:
Monday, November 8th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Here you go: everything you ever wanted to know about the Hello Kitty vibrator.
Yes, it is/was a real thing:
Monday, September 27th, 2004 -- by Aphrodite
I thought that someone would call me on my poorly-phrased comment in a recent post:
As someone who’s never had a need for sex toys (but that day is getting closer) …
Sure enough, TwiddlyBits gently did it, stating, “‘Need’ is such a relative word….” So now I’ve a good reason to elaborate.
I don’t have anything against sex toys. In fact, I’d love to have some nipple jewelry (no piercings for me, for weird health reasons). But I will confess to being somewhat bemused by the fondness some individuals seem to have for vibrators and such. It is a hard stretch (pun intended) for me to see how they can be better than sex with a person. I know, I know — they never get tired (or if they do, you can just pop fresh batteries in), they can do things humans can’t, and you don’t have to talk to them to try to get them to do exactly what you want — you just flip the switch or turn the dial, or whatever, and presto, the desired setting automagically takes one into orgasmic ecstasy.
I said I’ve never had a need for sex toys (meaning vibrators and dildos, specifically) because until now, I’ve never been without a willing sex partner for a significant period of time. Now that I am, and it seems likely to be that way for a long time, maybe some of you would be willing to educate me as to what I’m missing, on this subject.
Thursday, June 24th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Since I’m obviously not going to be winning the political correctness sweepstakes any time soon, I might as well post this picture of the gun-shaped vibrator:
Now that’s an object fraught with enough symbolism to fuel two whole weeks of heated discussion in a Women’s Studies classroom near you.
Found the picture on this archive page for SF Gate columnist Mark Morford.
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Here’s a nice doggie who has found Momma’s special stick and wants to play a game of fetch:
Isn’t that the cutest thing?
Friday, March 19th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
I realize (as if the comments and emailed queries could allow me not to) that some of you want more frequent updates about The Nymph and our lubricious shenanigans. I’m sorry to have disappointed by my silence, but it’s hard to type a good substantive update (as opposed to the facile “a link and a quote” entries with which I have been fobbing you all off) when she leans over from her adjacent computer chair and starts (as she puts it) “kissing on” me. I’m sure you understand….
Too, we remain in that stage where we spend a lot of time being sappy together, which is enormous fun but doesn’t make for great reportage. Everything is going very well indeed, and despite having moved a great distance so that we can be together, she remains her happy and loveable self. She’s got a job lined up and has met (and been approved, not that it matters) by the local members of my family. Life is good.
Oh yes, and one other thing: the folks at Eros Boutique, being persistent folks with a lot of great merchandise to market, sent along another box with an additional assortment of promising-looking vibrators. So we’ve got product testing to worry about. Ah, the burden of research! Details to follow.
Sunday, February 29th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Speaking of vibration, the fine folks at Eros Boutique sent along a box the other day with a couple of vibrators. (Yes, Virginia, Bacchus is always happy to accept free sex toys in exchange for a review.) Although they have a lot of excellent goodies for sale, The Nymph and I were disappointed in these two items.
First: Spice Incognito Nail Polish Vibe. Powered by included watch batteries, this vibe looks like a bottle of nail polish and is very discrete. So discrete, in fact, that at first I couldn’t figure out how to turn it on. I finally figured out that I had turned it on, but the vibration was so faint I had to stand completely still and concentrate in order to detect it humming in my hand. Nifty if that’s what you like, but as a guy I’m in the “more power” camp and the Nymph doesn’t appear to disagree. When they sell a vibrator with a built-in cold-fusion reactor so the neighborhood lights don’t dim when it starts up, I’ll probably want one.
Second: I Kit – The Pocket Rocket Complete Kit. No complaints about the base vibrating unit on this model; it buzzes quite vigorously and made The Nymph happy. However, the attachments don’t stay attached very well; even the slightest sideways pressure and they pop off. Since the attachments are small, this raises the spectre of one disappearing into an orifice – which is never sexy unless you have a medical fetish. Also, the attachments are apparently supposed to be flavored (the box advertises availability in “three blissful flavors” including strawberry, blueberry, and grape) but in fact they have a very strong odor and flavor of PVC plasticisers — you know, that vinyl air-mattress smell. You can tell (sort of) that there’s a hint of fruit smell blended into the mix, but it’s overwhelmed by the vinyl smell. Great for folks with a vinyl fetish!
Friday, December 26th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Some wonderful orgasm faces in this hilarious musical vibrator advertisement. “O come, all ye faithful…“
2021 update: Flash is dead, long live Flash! View the old flash file via emulation at this Internet Archive page.
Sunday, December 21st, 2003 -- by Bacchus
You’ll remember the recent dildo bust in Texas. Well, Violet Blue has the solution:
Sell a vibrator, go to jail. That’s the message Texas authorities are sending people who dare to offer consenting adults tools to enhance sexual pleasure — buzzing pink plastic battery-operated novelties, natch. Joanne Webb, a former fifth-grade teacher and mother of three, was in a county court in Cleburne, Texas, on Monday to answer obscenity charges for selling the vibrator to undercover narcotics officers posing as a dysfunctional married couple in search of a sex aid. Webb, a saleswoman for Passion Parties of Brisbane, faces a year in jail and a $4,000 fine if convicted. “What I did was not obscene,” Webb said. “We have a real problem with drugs in our schools,” she said, “and they’re using our narcotics officers to entrap me for selling a vibrator.”
Obviously, a bust of this nature sends a call of alarm to us in the dildo-slinging biz — clearly, Texas authorities have never experienced the mind-bending, fist-clenching, hallucination-inducing orgasms made possible by a trusty and reliable vibrator. I’m answering that call by declaring a State of Orgasmic Emergency for all Texas authorities, and urging readers to participate in an Orgasms for Texas Authorities Drive. I urge each reader to buy one vibe, and give it (whatever you do, don’t sell it to them) to the needy Narcotics Task Force at the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Administration Building 1102 E. Kilpatrick, Cleburne TX, 76021. Just think — three pennies a day for one year (like the year Joanne Webb might spend in jail) could be all it takes to give an inexpensive Low Rider and end this tragic state of emergency.
Violet has more commentary on her blog. But I can’t recommend that you buy the vibes from Violet’s employer, because those usually-worthy wenches refused to include her suggestion in their marketing letter, which she writes.
Thursday, October 9th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Two responses so far to the question below. One correspondent assures me that cuffs (and paddles) are not like sex toys — as long as they are clean, she avers, a guy is safe to keep them and use them serially.
Another lady writes in with the sensible proposal that toys kept should be only those which were and are to be used on or in the person doing the keeping. If a guy had a buttplug that his last girlfriend used on him, and wanted her to carry on the tradtion, she wouldn’t freak; but if he had a vibrator that…well, I’ll let her speak for herself:
“But if he produced a vibrator that he’d used to insert into his previous girlfriend, would I want to have it inserted into me? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! No thank you!!!!!!!! I don’t care
how many times you’ve washed it! Icky baggage!”
Just so. Unfortunately, this lady isn’t much help on the cuffs question and other toys where the distinction between his-n-hers is less clear. As she puts it: “Don’t ask me what to do with the sex sling. :-)”
Tuesday, July 15th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Gosh, Violet Blue’s Real Doll Fantasy (or as one potential sugar daddy venture capitalist calls it, her RDF) is getting more concrete by the day:
My mind has been absolutely in the gutter contemplating the possibilities. (Scroll down to the original 6/10 entry for my latest sex fantasy weirdness.) A big boy toy, all-silicone, all-man, and all-pliant. Glassy eyes, posable limbs, just begging for it. And a girl, too — a dense silicone sister to hump like an unblinking, horny little love monkey.
…
There would be lots of lube, and toys, too — how else will I pillage silicone boy’s village and storm his shores? First, I’d have to draw a bath to warm up my new guests, and then I’d enjoy toweling them off, oh yeah, baby. Then I’d drag their heavy bodies to my bedroom, sort of like Igor heading to the lab. Maybe then I’d have my helpful assistant jump in… Oh, it’s just too much to think about, but I can tell you that the fantasy ends with everyone covered in gallons of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, wrapped in at least twenty feet of rope, a popped and squashed inflatable St. Bernard, four melted vibrators, a silicone male Real Doll wearing a mullet wig and with “BITCH” tattooed on his ass, a female Real Doll with a big permanent silicone smile, one set each of soiled cheerleader, cop and Hot Dog On A Stick uniforms, and several visits from real officers due to concerned neighbors about the noise.
I swear, this needs to happen. The world needs to watch this video.
Saturday, April 19th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
This post addressed Eugene Volokh’s provocative question about the seeming double standard by which women’s vibrators are considered fairly cool by reasonably enlightened, sex-positive members of society, while devices designed for male masturbation are not.
Here’s an article about one such device, the $895 Motorized Orgasmic Release Machine, which suggests that the tech just isn’t up to snuff:
Well, according to the instructions, you don’t have to be hard to enter the sleeve. That’s bullshit. I found that keeping my soft cock snugly inside the sleeve was nearly impossible, especially with all of that lube. But the next instruction concerned me: “Squeeze the suction ball and slip it back on the coupling at the end of the plastic tubing.” I glanced at my hands. They were covered with Wet.
Maybe I’m totally uncoordinated, but the ball kept slipping out of my hand, and I had to force it onto the tubing, and everything kept sliding, and meanwhile, my hard-on had turned into something like a greased eel and had fallen out of the sleeve and Fuck, what ever happened to good ol’ fashioned grabbing and jerking?
So I worked to regain my hard-on, stuffed it back into the sleeve and grabbed a towel. I wiped the lube off the ball, squeezed it and finally forced it onto the tube. When I released the ball, I was supposed to feel suction around my cock, something like Monica you-know-who giving me a blow job, and the suction was supposed to keep me snug in the sleeve, but I felt only a little bit of suction, certainly nothing like a real, live mouth. Not Monica’s mouth.
Thanks to Erotic Blog for the link.
Monday, April 14th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Eugene Volokh has posted a provocative inquiry about vibrators. In a nutshell, he wants to know why progressive modern individuals are quite hunky-dory with the concept of a girl spending quality time with her vibrator, but they get all squicked out and squeamish about a guy using what he (Volokh) delicately calls a “vagina-shaped vibrator.” Several theories are aired.
First of all, a more descriptive, if no more erotic, phrase might be “male masturbator”, since these come in many varieties, only some of which vibrate.
Second, it seems likely that Eugene’s primary theory has merit: A woman who uses a vibrator is assumed to be substituting it for “actual” sex, and society is quick to approve of her many and varied sound reasons for abstaining in that fashion. Whereas, in contrast, a guy who uses a “male masturbator” or a “fake vagina” is assumed to have no alternative; he’s a pathetic dude who can’t “get any.” Given the very real sexual power imbalance, as old as the invention of outlawry for rape, between men who propose and women who dispose, it seems not at all implausible that a woman with her vibrator is assumed to be choosing it over an array of available sexual partners, while a man with his toy is assumed to be a loser with no better offers.
Striking in its absence from the Volokh list of theories, however, is a simpler hygienic theory. Male masturbation results in an emission which is, Bacchus would think, broadly viewed by men and women alike as more “yucky” than typical feminine lubricities, or even than that rarest of nectars, outright female ejaculate. Worse yet, a vagina substitute’s inherent concavity makes careful cleaning a more problematic task than the quick wipedown of a briskly convex vibrator.
Mind you, in objective terms the hygienic concern is arrant nonsense. Men have mastered cleaning tasks of a far more intricate nature, and will even voluntarily indulge when the object of their cleaning affections is, say, a much-beloved rifle. Nor is it implausible that a truly decent technology for assisted orgasm would command every bit as much gadgeteering enthusiasm as gun guys lavish on the contents of their gun safes. But still, at the end of the day the squeamish objection to concave male sex toys may well boil down to an “Ew, but it’s gonna be icky to clean out when he’s done with it…”
Similar Sex Blogging:
Saturday, March 15th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Hokay, so this post is about an honest-to-goodness porn site. Boys gone wild, if you like — adapting power tools to their highest and best use. That’s right, me hearties: we present Fucking Machines.
If you follow that link (no popups, which is generally a good sign in a porn site) and then click on “Machines” you’ll be presented with an amusing list of fucking machines:
The Intruder
The Monster
The Fucksall
The Crane
The Sybian
The Trespasser
The Probe
The Jetaime
The Double Jetaime
The Loving Chair
The Hammer
The Drilldo
The Double Crane
The Goat Milker
The Tit Sucker
The Snake
The Portafuck
The Cathedral
The Toolbox
The Crystal Palace
The Antique Intruder
The Twinserter
The Airstorm
The Lighthouse
The Concrete Vibrator
The Fucking Chair
The Predator
The Reactor
Complete with horsepower ratings.
But of course any dweeb in his basement can glue a dildo to a power tool and claim it’s a sex toy. Where the rubber meets the, er, road, however, is actually using them for sex, or at least a well-photographed facsimile thereof. And that’s what makes this a porn site. Lots and lots of good looking models playing with these toys and managing to look like they are having fun doing it.
And finally, for the guys out there who think such fine machinery is wasted on women, there is a sister site (brother site?) called, with all the subtlety of a brick: Butt Machine Boys. This may be the true target market for these ambitiously mechanical porn purveyors. After all, why let the girls play with the cool toys and spoil all that raw male power tool fun?
Monday, February 10th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
This story about a console game that ships with a “trance vibrator” attachment is old news, apparently, but the link from Mt. Molelog is fresh.
What’s topical for ErosBlog is the, er, cooperative potential:
We sat side my side on our makeshift couch, I with the trance vibrator and Justin with the controller. As the levels got more advanced, so did the vibrations… revving up to an intense pulsing throbbing…
[later]
“But don’t you think this trance vibrator extension is so your girlfriend can get off while you’re playing the game? Or so a girl gamer can get off while she’s playing the game?”
“It was a bit odd,” said Justin, “my fingers were working the controls, but they were also kind of working you.”
Sunday, November 3rd, 2002 -- by Bacchus
Cornell University may soon take to selling vibrators in the student infirmary, according to the Cornell Daily Sun. Apparently they will come with some suggested uses students might not have thought of without help:
As with anything else they sell, the dispensary will give out educational materials explaining how to properly clean a vibrator that two women are going to share and what exactly vibrators can be used for.
Bacchus would not have thought that your typical horny college girl would need such suggestions, but apparently Cornell girls are a little slow — so much so that they don’t even know how to order stuff over the Internet:
I’m sure there are people who are dying to find vibrators and they don’t know where to go, so Gannett, go ahead,” Keith Hermanstyne ’04 said.
Others took a more practical approach.
“I think one of the most important things is for women to be able to get themselves off. It’s better than going to the sketchy shop downtown where they have to check the batteries for you,” Sara Jacobs ’05 said.
Thanks Instapundit for the story.
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